A walk before the thunderstorm arrived

It was an interesting day. I got to do a coworking catch up with a friend over Zoom who lives in SA (South Australia, not South Africa ;) ). I got posts onto Instagram. I received and replied to messages from two dear friends. And I chose to do the difficult task of standing up for myself when a friend has not been treating me the way I wish to be treated.

We shall see if she replies with courage, vulnerability and compassion, or if she shrugs it off as no big deal. Her response will determine whether we stay friends.

It's an interesting journey, this learning to love one self more. It means being willing to reassess how you're relating to and be received by other people. It's easy to say that friends should be good to one another. But if they're not, is one willing to do something about creating a change, dissolving a relationship.

We kind of talk about it more readily in romantic relationships, especially in western cultures or, perhaps secular cultures, where we are more likely to be willing to end a relationship with a partner if they don't treat us well. Though there's plenty of people in abusive relationships feeling unwilling or unable to break away.

But I'm not sure how often we are willing to actively look at our friendships in the same light. I think so many people feel a sense of loyalty to their friends and think they should stay friends because of the experiences had together or maybe because they've been friends for many years or even decades.

Sometimes the communities and circumstances we find ourselves in really don't allow us to readily change our friends if we "outgrow" a friendship. I suppose I consider myself lucky when I reflect on the level of freedom I've had in growing and growing and growing. And each location change in my life (and there have been a lot) has allowed me to reassess what I want my next round of friendships to look like.

I think, like a snake, I'm likely to keep shedding skins. I love people. I love loving people. And I can have a tendency to second guess myself and hold onto relationships for longer than is good for me. But the stronger my sense of self becomes, the more I turn that love on myself the more I realise how I wish to be treated.

Time will tell what happens with this particular friendship. But whatever happens I know I have the emotional strength to hold myself through it. And if it's over, I know I have the courage and the presence and the vision to deal with the many other relationships it may ripple out and affect.

And still, I love her, and I wish her well, however she navigates this.

Epic photos by Brad. On our walk in the bush.

Small ant(?) nest thing spotted by me. Photographed by him. Watch by Garmin.

I just finished a 2.51km walking that lasted about 0hh:35mm:21ss !
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