Communication Breakdown: Lessons From Working Within The Disability Field

Working alongside young men with Intellectual Disability has helped me find gratitude for the gift of clear and easy communication, and being able to express my wants, needs, and desires.

I’m with one of my disabled clients at a local cafe, waiting for our order. He’s sitting on his chair rocking back and forth, his hand occasionally reaching into his lunchbox to grab a stick of carrot or celery. Around us, people are staring.

There’s something almost primitive about the way he moves and eats. I can’t help but wonder if this is what primitive homo species were like before we learned to use tools and developed language.

He’s non-verbal, and quite high-needs. He soils himself constantly, and communicating with him is almost non-existent, even when asking for a simple ‘yes/no’ response.

Having said that, there is very clearly an intelligence there. He can express affection, likes, dislikes, when he’s enjoying himself, and when he’s in pain. It’s just not the way you and I would do it.

Observing how others react to him is interesting. There are those who just ignore him like they do everyone else; then there are those who are visibly freaking out at his very existence; and then there are the ones who try to be nice and approach him, freaking him out and getting a response different to their expectation.

How we as a community deal with these, our most vulnerable of citizens, speaks volumes of the nature of our civilisation.

He starts making a gesture with an indistinguishable noise. I can tell he wants something, but I have no idea what. I ask him if he wants a drink, or if he wants to go — but there just isn’t the ‘yes/no’ response to help me help him.

Can you imagine what it would be like if no one around you understood what you wanted?

I feel it would be a fate worse than hell. Even though disable people in this country are protected by Acts of Human Rights, there is no way to know what I can do to help this young man right now. It’s frustrating and it’s sad; I can only do my best and keep asking until I find what it is he wants.

It’s in this moment I realise how fortunate I am. Not only can I live my own life, make my own choices, and seek meaning and fulfilment, but I can also communicate my wants, needs, and desires.

Ironically, I don’t always do that.

“No one is interested,” I say to myself. “If I communicate what I want I might be rejected/ignored/derided.” This voice isn’t mine, and yet it is. It’s that part of me that thinks he’s not worth it.

I also realise this is part of the reason I don’t fully commit to publishing/posting much. Or why I have shut myself down from revealing my fears and vulnerabilities to my nearest and dearest. I allow myself the space to be ‘busy’.... busy being a parent, busy being at work, busy being a carer, busy setting up a SCOT-Tribe on Steem... and I realise I can’t remember the last time I had a deep, honest sharing with my beloved partner.

I realise that crusty old pattern... afraid of showing her how I feel about a few things... because she might hate me or leave me. Those old insecurities I thought I’d finally exorcised are back; and I’ve been too ‘busy’ to recognise that they have reared their ugly head again.

I have the power of speech, I have the ability to communicate how I feel; and yet I don’t. I wonder if my client knew this, what he’d think. Would he say (in his own mind) that I was squandering a gift he wished he had?

It puts new perspective on things.

So I’m actioning this tonight. I’m going to open up and share how I feel about a few things... not because they need resolving, or need further action themselves, merely to express myself and use the gift of speech that I have been taking for granted.

When was the last time you did something similar?

Take care y’all
😊🙏🏽☯️

Original photo used with consent

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