Living With A Hoarder as A Minimalist
The other day, @nathen007 reminded me of something that feels like a slippery slope. Since I am moving back with my mom, who is a hoarder, my minimalist lifestyle has been challenged. Nathen made me realize that I essentially grew up as a hoarder, but managed to shift my perspective and lifestyle by moving away and living independently. Today, maintaining my minimalist lifestyle and values in a hoarding environment is certainly a challenge.
PS, Nathen, feel free to downvote this as promised. Hehe 😂
Living with a hoarder can be overwhelming. They often have no boundaries and justify their purchases as necessities, without considering the long-term vision of an object or things . They hold on to things from their past, creating a cluttered and chaotic environment. There are certainly ways to combat it such as setting boundaries as it is very important in such situations and to co-exist peacefully.
We have massive collections of things inside the house I am occupying right now. We have different sets of china, plates, silverware, a collection of antiques, and many other things that no longer have their place or serve a purpose in our lives. My dad has his own collection of sunglasses that he never indeed wears.
Andd, don’t get me started on the number of scarfs my mom owns; it’s a massive cupboard, and sometimes I am being naughty by using them as a tablecloth or wipe stuff. I could have a daily post for Hive collectors 🤣 because this house is like a mini museum of miscellaneous things.
Meanwhile for me, I simply don’t care about its value and just want to get rid of things. I repurposed many things, and sometimes, my mom got angry because she found out I’d been using them to wipe dirt.
Sometimes, I used her torn bag as a trash bag, too, but you get the gist. Over here, I am throwing stuff away, while my mom likes to keep even a bottle of empty oil nearby that doesn’t have any use anymore.
Under my 90-day self-improvement challenge, I’ve embarked on a house project to also declutter. It’s a relief to get rid of things that no longer have a place in our home. The broken items that once crowded our space are now finding their way to the garbage or the things that are still in good condition, finds its way to be donated.
While her hoarding isn’t really that bad, these days I started thinking about where these things would go if anything happened. It is a mountain of things, and if it were really up to me, I’d hire a trucking service, load things up, and never see them again.
To live with a hoarder, I’ve set some ground rules: 1) I am allowed to throw anything that I see fit under the specific agreement, 2) I no longer buy things if we have and I only buy when they’re essential. Under those 2 basic rules, I've been able to live with my mom pretty peacefully.
In another matter, to create a clean living environment, I also encourage my mom to deep clean with me once every two weeks. Usually, on Sunday, a lady comes to our house and collects garbage that we can turn into extra money. While the amount isn’t a lot, my mom feels happier because she gets extra money, and I am so glad because we’re getting rid of things inside the house.
I can’t stress enough that living with a hoarder has its own set of challenges. How I approach shopping and how my mom does it is entirely different. While temptation remains high, it’s a slippery slope that I’ll turn into a hoarder but as I have seen the good of living as a minimalist, I definitely would opt that lifestyle than being a hoarder.
 | 𝘔𝘢𝘤 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧-𝘦𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘰𝘺𝘦𝘥 𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘫𝘢 & 𝘤𝘰𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘶𝘳 . 𝘈 𝘵𝘺𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦, 𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘴, 𝘵𝘦𝘤𝘩𝘯𝘰𝘭𝘰𝘨𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘰𝘱𝘩𝘺. 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘨, 𝘢 𝘳𝘦𝘧𝘭𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘭𝘦𝘥𝘨𝘦. 𝘚𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘯 𝘤𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘴, 𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘪𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘪𝘦𝘸𝘴, 𝘵𝘦𝘤𝘩 𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘪𝘦𝘸𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘴, 𝘱𝘩𝘰𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘱𝘩𝘺, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘥𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘭𝘰𝘱𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵. 𝘖𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘣𝘭𝘶𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘰𝘯, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘪𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘪𝘯 𝘭𝘰𝘤𝘢𝘭 𝘤𝘶𝘭𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘥𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘪𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘴𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘴 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘺. 𝘚𝘩𝘦'𝘴 𝘢𝘯 𝘰𝘤𝘤𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘧𝘰𝘰𝘥𝘪𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘭𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘤𝘶𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘳𝘺 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘴. 𝘍𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘥𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘫𝘰𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯! 𝘋𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘶𝘱𝘷𝘰𝘵𝘦, 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘰𝘳 𝘢 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬. 𝘈 𝘳𝘦-𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘨 𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘴𝘰 𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰𝘰. |
Your mum sounds like a true African Parent. The part about storing china and silverware, it definitely happens in my house, we've had it for as long as I can remember.
And then the scarves, Lord!🥲😅. Although my mum eventually uses hers when we go to church, but still, they are still a whole lot.
I think your rules should help strike a balance between you and your mum, I'm even surprised she agreed to letting you throw away her stuff.
Nice work!
hahahaha I wonder if all moms are like this actually. My mom learns to reason with me 🤣 it's either a yes or no for me. I am not too comfortable with something in between and I try to minimize it a lot. That's why, she somehow agrees to my ideas.
This was my Dad and Grandma years ago. In my culture, they see hoarding stuff as keeping things to count the number of years it has been with them. You dare not thrash anything away without their consent and if they must consent to it, they take forever to think deeply before agreeing. Lol
I never knew I have been a minimalist right from my adolescents age. I would always clean up the room every weekend and it's so strange that when I do, I get to find more stuff to throw away just because my dad always refused to allow me throw them away. He would say he still need them but when I observe silently, he wouldn't even touch them for months. The house is always messy all the time but I found my way of cleaning every weekend to dispose most things.
I love the steps you carried out in order to live peacefully with your mother being a hoarder and that's something good.
hahaha that was me as a kid but I learned the way to deal with such parents. I mean, strict parents "create" creative adults 🤣.
I am honestly not sure where my mom gets her hoarding behavior. My grandma is very clean and an OCD person, Has she still been alive right now, she would be extremely angry and agitated 🤣
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Using her scarves as table cloths is devious of you though 😂😂😂
Though the fact she hasn't noticed immediately shows just how many she has😂😂
Honestly, table cloth is still mild, I used it to wipe dirt or just tear them apart to pieces sometimes 😂 and she would only notice like a year or two after it. AND.. the worst part is that she either buys it again or gets it from like neighbor as a gift from overseas or something like that
So it's the neighbors fault😂😂😭
I don't know about where you are, but here, it's a common enough trait amongst older people, especially those who lived through Communism when there was an obvious privation and scarcity. They keep everything, since you never know when it might come in handy.
It sounds like you've worked out a pretty rigorous system to allow you to co-exist. Be interesting to hear from her perspective, also, as I imagine living with a minimalist has its own set of challenges for a hoarder.
Technically, they've never lived under communism but their parents lived through war and I could imagine that affect their upbringing and that's why hoarding mindset is passed down through generations through that. It's such a challenging mindset to break but willing to have an open mind is one of the ways to change.
I am honestly also interested in what she has to say about my life but according to her, I am that someone who likes to throw things away 🤣
This is a really good point. Many Thais are like my wife, never bin anything and just collect 'stuff' and i do think it is a throwback to when they were much poorer and everything had a potential value. They also love selling stuff here, there's no sentimental attachment to the 'stuff'.
hahaha exactly! Reselling things are actually pretty lucrative business out here because people don't really hold that much of sentimental attachment to stuff.
Omg, I remember mom's a dozen of tin cans she's hoarding because she said it'll be a waste to throw them. Lol. Like, they can keep one or two of it but a dozen? Like whyyyy 🤧🤧. Our house is more like a messy warehouse more than a house, lol. I can very much relate to this. Although I also hoard some things, I keep them away by hiding them in one big bag.
Right? they can simply keep one or two but dozens of them is just crowding the space. I think my collections at the moment is cute mugs, books and postcards haha. I wonder if I actually collect more things but I am mostly throwing a lot of things away when they're not being used.
I think the previous generations were more hoarding because they had to deal with the real shortage. They had difficulties eating or getting dressed and any small extra expense meant a lot of work to achieve it.
I identified with everything you wrote, I always say that my parents' house looks like a museum and not a home. Add to the hoarding that my mother is obsessed with cleaning, although now she is getting older and is no longer so strict with that. (And that worries me! 😅)
Things consume space and energy. What is not used in its best place is garbage. The rule of buying only when you need it and only if you don't have it helps a lot. Another trick that works for me is when I am tempted to buy something to postpone the time to buy it. I almost never come back for it.
Congratulations for finding a way to live with your mother and to respect your way of relating to things. None of them matter more than your love. 😘
You hit the spot with things consume space and energy. Having more things inside the house adds dust and that adds cleaning time. It's also visually less appealing and draining to be around. I even leave the house when I am too tired to clean because I just like minimalist space and visually clean.
Usually, I'll only go back when my place is clean again 🤣 and when I get my sh*t done haha. Also,I am the same when it comes to buying things, I tend to wait these days because you can also get it on discounts or a great deal. I have nobody to impress and I am okay with buying things at my own pace hehe.
Thank you for leaving a thoughtful comment and I hope you had a great weekend 😊
You can guess what I did on the weekend: cleaning! 🤣 This time my victim was the wardrobe.
I have moved so many times in many countries that being a hoarder was never an option.
If you live in one house all your life, I think it's only natural someone is deemed a hoarder. How can you not accumulate things naturally!
It was the same case with me as well. I moved around quite a bit and being a minimalist was more viable. It stuck to me and with the case of my mom, I honestly sometimes think she's too much and unlike regular people. She's definitely and interesting case.
I think I am somewhere in-between. I am not a classic hoarder, but I am not a minimalist either. I have strived over the last couple of years to clean out. Sometimes things are hard to let go of because they have sentimental value of some kind. As I age, it is easier and easier to throw out stuff. I am not trying to become minimalist, but I would like to get down to where everything has it's place and the only stored things are the things I only use seasonally. I am decent at keeping my living space right, but I don't need all that I have stored away.
I can only imagine the challenge of living in a space opposite to your desired way of living. Since I live alone, I only have to fight myself! 😂
It's nicer when you live alone isn't it? It was the same with me as well but now I really have to adjust with everyone's lifestyle and needs. I'd be fine with people buying things when necessary but when it gets too much is something that I truly find it troublesome.
I feel your pain, Mac!
My mum is a hoarder and a maximalist. She just doesn't grasp the idea of clutter and refuses to give away anything. She also doesn't like to use her 'good things' unless she has visitors. That's something that has annoyed me as a child.
I think my minimalist practices all stemmed from wanting a change and to break the cycle of hoarding.
I hope that you're coping well being back in her house, it's an excellent initiative to have her clean with you regularly, and I think you'll see even tiny improvements:) 🤗
Fingers crossed!
hahahahaha that kind of thing also annoyed me as a child. I am pretty much the same as you are since I grew up in that kind of house. Then, having the option to actually choose a different ways of living was truly a life-changing situation for me. Now, I am back to the same place where I exposed to these life is a challenge hehe but just as you said, finger crossed that I'll see some tiny improvements.
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