A time to scatter stones and a time to gather them

Can't say my life is boring. My life is full of emotions every day, strong emotions. Anger, pain, fear, and joy. Joy because I appreciate every little moment of my life. Anger and pain coz cities are destroyed every day and peaceful people, our people, die. And fear ... it's rare. Last it was 2 days ago, on the day of my departure.

I returned to Kyiv yesterday. There's no place like home. Imagine a person who has been saving money all his life. We have almost no mortgage lending. This person worked hard and saved to build a house or buy an apartment. He made repairs, arranged everything from year to year. And then Russia started the war. Isn't it strange that these people didn't run away, couldn't leave what they earned so hard? They have nothing else but this house, maybe a small garden. Many older people simply do not believe that they will be able to survive elsewhere, that someone will help them, and that it is free. They survived only because they relied only on themselves.

So, 4 days ago, the enemy fired 53 cruise missiles from various platforms, 3 days ago - 26 missiles, 2 days ago - almost 40, and 12 in the last 24 hours. Unfortunately, targeted missile fire at the shopping mall in Kremenchuk took lives and resulted in injury to civilians. The most intense hostilities are conducted in the north of Luhansk and Kharkiv regions. In this area, in the last 24 hours alone, the enemy carried out 270 artillery raids, using 45,000 rounds of ammunition, 2 missile and 32 air strikes. (Source CinC AF of Ukraine

I live with pain every day. Every night before going to bed, I ask for protection for those who are now there, fighting. And in the morning I thank our guys for waking up at home, in my bed, and my family is safe and sound, and my home is okay. And then I think about what I can do today for our Victory. I think about it every single day, like millions of other Ukrainians. That is why we will win.

My phone reminds me about nice past days, every day. Before I visited my hometown and spent 3 days with my mom and my sweet babygirl, I didn't know how much I missed my life, the life that will never be the same. Browsing memory photos is like watching a wonderful wonderful movie. Something good that I know cannot happen to me, not today and not tomorrow. Hopefully, one day.

I miss my crazy mountain trips, tense arrangments of trip routes, booking hotels, carefree relaxing by the water. I look at us with Nick in the photos, we were younger for a lifetime...

Oh, well, where was I. Fear. Nasty, creepy, sticky fear.

The morning of the day of my departure was sad and anxious. I woke up very early and couldn't sleep. I opened the news and saw that there were explosions in my district in Kyiv in the morning. 14 missiles were fired at the city. There was no more information. I wrote to friends and Nick, but it was early Sunday morning, no one answered. My heart sank with fear, as in the first days of the war. I was killed by this news, and thought with annoyance - "That's enough, I wanna go home!" Apparently it may sound like madness. But I realized that I had done the right thing, that I hadn't run away from home, because the feelings that morning were just awful. Then Nick called and told about the explosions. It was loud, but we were not affected. But it affected other people!💔 Why? For what? Only their fault is that they are Ukrainians!🤯 It seemed that my body was full of pain, my heart, arms and legs. My daughter and I planned to bake bread together, but now I didn't want anything.😞

And then I got angry. I haven't seen my daughter in a long time, and I won't let these freaks ruin our plans! I smoked a cigarette, took a sedative, and then Natalie and I baked a cherry pie together, and Hallah. Her boyfriend and best friend were invited to visit and share our meal. And then I hugged my mom (I so much hope it wasn't the last time I see her) and they took me to railway station and put me on the train.

That's it. I thought it will be a post about my wonderful time with my loved once, but... russian cruise missiles changed my plan.

And the last but not least. This charity VIRA (means Faith in English) raises funds for the purchase of food and delivery to the Kharkiv region. To villages that are constantly shelled by Russians, and those that have recently been occupied and now liberated by our AF. T-2 is Nick former division, he participated in cargo escort too. I know from the horse's mouth the situation is desperated and heartbreaking.