THE STORY ABOUT THE GREEN POO

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Poo.

It is an essential part of human lives.

Everyone poops, if you know someone that doesn't poo, I need you to understand that that is a major problem.
Without releasing poo, we would literally die.

Poo goes by various names: Poop, shit, shite, crap - and my personal favorite - turd.

But even though people might disagree on what names to call it, there is one thing we can all agree on... The color of human poo is brown. (Or at least different shades of brown)
Green is as far as a color as you can get from brown.

Well, ladies and gentlemen (and robots), I am proud to announce...
I did it.
I pooped green poop.
A little backstory on this achievement.

Many years ago, when I was a wee lad, there was a candy I just discovered (I've forgotten the name and frankly, I don't want to remember it.)

The color of this candy was (you guessed it) green, and it was green because apparently it contained watermelon. Which I highly doubt. If there was anything natural in that candy, it'd have been the dead soul of a fruit.

So I tasted this candy for the first time and I feel in love (toxic love, but love nonetheless).
Day after day, I kept licking and licking, the number increasing by the day.

That particular day when it happened, I had just bought about ten pieces of that candy. I had my Percy Jackson novel and I was ready to have a good time, and I did. It was a good day...

Until the incident (dun dun dun!)

I felt pressed so I went to the toilet to do my business, I made sure to finish on time. Can't have toilet snakes snacking on my balls.
But, as I was about to flush, I saw it...

GREEN POO.

Source

A sudden feeling of dread encapsulated me, different questions popped into my mind.

Why was my poo green?
Did I have cancer??
Am I dying???
Was I secretly an alien????

I stood there in shock for what seemed like hours.

After I came to my senses, I flushed and went to sit in fresh depression.
Green poo... That surely meant I was dying.

I started to think on how I would break the news to my parents.
When my mom arrived I decided to just tell her...
The exchange went like so;

ME: Good evening mother.
HER: *already confused (I never called her mother)
ME: I have some news for you mother
HER: I'm listening
ME: I think I'm dying
HER: what's wrong? Why do you think so?
ME: I... I...
HER: what...
ME: I pooped green poo.
HER: *stares at me
ME: *stares back
HER: why is your mouth green?
ME: oh, I licked some green candy
HER: you mean that candy you're obsessed with
ME: yea
HER: how many?
ME: ten..
HER: that explains why your poop is green... Dumbass.
(Okay, she didn't say that last part but I'm pretty sure she was thinking it)

Anyhoo, the whole debacle was all cleared up and thankfully, I was not dying.
But my poo was green so I was banned from taking that candy. The ban was not even necessary because I had already decided to never eat anything green for the rest of my life. Especially vegetables, although that might have partly been due to the fact that I hate vegetables. But the green poo was the main reason!

Well that's all folks, I do hope you have gotten some lessons from my experiences, because I did.
I learned not to eat weird candy...

And that I might possibly be an alien.

Thank you for reading.
Stay buzzing,
Maximus✍🏾