My Ride
I knew that I would never be able to stay awake, but I was too intoxicated with drowsiness to care. I continued to barrel down the highway at breakneck speed. Towards my warm, soft bed in Kansas City.
The singsong quality of my urgings to stay awake only helped me to find that deep sleep which my body craved. Sleep felt wonderful, more than I could ever remember. When I finally opened my eyes, I was fully rested - and starving.
But where was I? And where was the car? I was in a bed, but not my own. And I was naked. I never sleep in the buff.
"Breakfast is ready, Mike! Or are you going to sleep all morning?" called out a female voice cheerfully.
I got up. Whoever this Mike was, maybe he wouldn't mind sharing some food. It sure smelled great.
Where are my clothes? All I can find are these old rags. They look clean, but they're all patched up. I guess I'll just have to borrow them. Can't go to breakfast like this.
Ah, they fit! I'll figure out where I'm at after I get cleaned up and have a good breakfast.
"There you are. I thought maybe you were going to leave all the food for us." said a beautiful young woman, in a joking voice. A toddler was in her arms, his hair the same jet black as hers.
"Hello ma'am, I'm awfully grateful for breakfast. Can you please tell me where the bathroom is?"
She cocked her head curiously. "Since when did you take a bath on Wednesday, and before breakfast at that? It's time to eat. Unless you aren't hungry?"
"No, it's not that. I just want to wash my face, and use the restroom."
"Rest room? You can rest while you eat. And there's the water basin."
I could tell that I was starting to upset her, so I just washed my face, then excused myself to go outside for a few seconds. This seemed to satisfy her.
What is this place? There's nothing in sight but farmland and prairie. It's like a scene straight out of the past. Well, not nothing exactly. There's a barn, a couple of sheds, and what looks like... An outhouse? Do people still use those?
Oh well, I guess I'm about to find out. Yep, that's what it is. The smell is a dead giveaway. And it has definitely seen some good use.
Once I'm back inside, I sit down to the best meal I've had in years. I eat like a horse, hoping that my hosts won't mind.
"Thanks so much for the meal, and the room. I couldn't have gone another mile. How can I repay you? And where is Mike? I want to thank him too."
The woman's eyes became wide. She got up and took a step back. I saw fear, what had I done wrong?
"Who are you? Where is my husband!" she whispered, suddenly realizing that I didn't belong there. I guess I look like this guy, Mike?
"Ma'am, I don't know where he is. I think there must be some sort of mix-up. I don't even know how I got here, or where here is. The last thing I remember is driving down the road."
"You look exactly like him..." she said, still terrified.
"Do you have a mirror? I need to see my face."
Trembling, the young woman went into the room which I had just come out of, and produced a small old fashioned mirror. The type ladies were known to use when brushing their hair.
I breathed a big sigh of relief. Whatever this was, I was still me. I just needed to figure out how to get back to my car.
"Ma'am, I'm as confused as you are. But I can assure you that I won't harm anyone."
She seemed to be a little calmer, but not much. "You must be sick. I'll go get Doc Tripper. He'll know what to do."
Before I could respond, she had grabbed her son and rushed for the barn. I watched, but didn't try to stop her from getting the horse and wagon ready. I was afraid of sending her into a complete panic.
"What is the last thing you remember?" asked the middle aged man with the black bag.
"Driving my Cadillac last night. I was beyond sleepy. I probably pulled over out of instinct."
"What is a Cadillac? Some sort of wagon?"
"You could say that. But where am I?"
"You're in Deersberg, where you were born and raised."
"What state am I in? I've never heard of Deersberg."
"Kansas, of course! Mike, let me examine your head again."
Meanwhile, a man is waking up in an unknown contraption with a wheel inside of it. A smooth grey road greets him when he finally figures out how to open the door. The strange road seems to go on forever... It has similar contraptions whizzing by, without the aid of horses.
"Where am I? Where are Julie and Carl? And what are these strange things?" He asks himself. A few minutes later, his pocket begins playing music.
Cover image made on Canva using their gallery
Electronic-terrorism, voice to skull and neuro monitoring on Hive and Steem. You can ignore this, but your going to wish you didnt soon. This is happening whether you believe it or not. https://ecency.com/fyrstikken/@fairandbalanced/i-am-the-only-motherfucker-on-the-internet-pointing-to-a-direct-source-for-voice-to-skull-electronic-terrorism
Yay! 🤗
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Wait? There is still a continuation to this story right? 😭 It's been a long time since I read a fiction book and you just made me miss it now after reading this one!
Damn, that was really good @wrestlingdesires!
I probably will do another part if you really want it ❤️ What a great compliment 🙌
!PIZZA !ALIVE
you damn know my answer will be YES! haha. tag me if you ever do the next part.
Did you know that you can also do a collection of your blogs? Lets say you want to compile all those fiction blogs into one post, you can do that.
check mine: https://peakd.com/@indayclara/collections
I actually have a few series set up as collections :) You might like The Coin ❤️
I'll definitely tag you :)
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Wow! Something unnatural happened when the main character in this story fell asleep on the wheel. He kind of interchanged lives with Julie's husband!
Thrilling and well written. 😊
I'm glad you liked it ❤️ I had to think about this one a while, to give it a different angle :)
!PIZZA !ALIVE
Interesting take. I really like your confusion angle and your imaginative rendering. Please read mine as well and see what you think
I would be honored 🙌 Link please?
Thank you. That’s good of you. https://ecency.com/finishthestory/@itsostylish/the-absolutely-beautiful-colors-of
I find myself wondering if he and an ancestor -- a grandfather, perhaps -- have traded places?
What I love is the way you connected these two very different realities to one another, and make us feel the fear of those in the older world as well as the man himself in the older world. Also, what would be done to help such a man in that world -- the dead ends that would reach, and then the cut to the man now in the new world, who we know will be in a similar situation ... all of it is well laid out!
You know you have the beginning of a novel here, right?
It did seem a little short, but the entry specified not to make it too long 😂 Thanks so much for your support and encouragement 🙌
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You have done a body swap! And brought another dimension to the story, away from the job and the street. All of a sudden, our man has a family, a house and lives in the past. Until the end, one could have thought that he was fantasising and perhaps dwelling between life and death, but not that he and someone else had swapped places.
Very excitingly narrated using dialogue that contrasts with the first-person narrator's mental world. I enjoyed it very much! I read the ending twice to understand that the other man from Deersberg is in a modern vehicle, sees the motorway ahead and hears the ringing of his mobile phone. HaHa! Beautifully paraphrased!
I laughed at the Doc's Name "Tripper" - LOL! I find it's a humorous hint towards this really extraordinary trip.
Some feedback on the technical side:
I would like to note that the beginning of the story and your continuation have few points of connection. You used the premise more like a template and if one were to read both parts in one go, it would take a sequel to reconnect the different aspects. What is the job? What's in the briefcase, what role could Appelt possibly play?
As far as the use of tenses is concerned, you have mixed present and past tenses in some places, so I recommend sticking to one tense or making the separation even stricter.
This sentence you could erase. A bit too casual. It's not needed, I think.
You could use a bit more of confusion and insecurity in how fast our man realizes that he is not Mike.
I think these changes would give your story a lift, what do you think?
Thank you very much for taking part! It's so much fun!
Thanks so much :) I'll do an edit soon 🙌
It really would take another part to do much about the details from the first story :( it would be a minimum of 1500 to 2500 words 🤯
!PIZZA !ALIVE
I am happy you do not take offense and received my technical feedback as helpful.
That IS the challenge in continuing a given story within a limited space. In the past, it gave me some headaches and curses myself to have to stick to the word limit and connecting the strings from the beginning with the continuation. I found it oftentimes really difficult, to find the balance between the authors freedom and the requirements.
Would you mind commenting on the other submissions as well? I thought it was a nice gesture from the experience at the time that the authors gave not only their ratings but also comments among themselves. I am hoping we find some more participants until the time window closes.
<3
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<3 Thank you :)
👍🙏🖖
Oh lord! Would you take a look at this story? Could you ever say this was not a dope and phenomenal write up? I bet you can't say that.
Great and mind blowing intellectual story with the use of sophisticated words and magnificent words interplay, @wrestlingdesires.
Bravo!! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 I'm awed at the excellence of this.
Thanks so much for enjoying it ❤️ I hope my edits will make it even better :)
!PIZZA !ALIVE
You're pleasantly welcomed.
And I believe that your edits will surely make it better. 😎
Many thanks for the $PIZZA and ALIVE tokens. 🤗👍🏻
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This was totally awesome. I love how you totally changed the dimension of the story. Reading the Both story at a go, you would never have thought that the story would turn out this way. Judging by your posts when we first met on a different platform, I'd say there have been a splendid improvement in your way of writing and story telling.
Using the rating factor specified by @erh.germany. I'll rate you
7/2
Stay tuned for my entry
Thanks so much, I have been trying hard to improve :) I think focusing almost completely on fiction has been the key.
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STOPCheck out the last post from @hivebuzz:
Awesome ❤️!!!! This really is progress🙌
Excellent writeup. Love the story of the switcharoo of the two men.
Thanks so much for the kind words ❤️
!PIZZA !ALIVE
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A mind bending body-swapper is just my kind of tale. I think that some of the scenes could use some pruning to fine tune the action. Then again, I have a very low attention span and like quick reality bites! Well done!
Thanks so much - yes, it needs editing, but this week seriously got away from me :(
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Nooo way, now I have two winners in mind for this contest, both you and @litguru ... I better stop reading entries or I'll have the whole lot of you winning this thing 😂😂😂...I mean I still haven't read @kemmyb and we all know what she is like... 💗 I suspect that the authors who have all entered are all pretty fantastic, so I'm just gonna bite the bullet and keep reading lols...having too much fun and deriving too much enjoyment from these 'endings'. I just couldn't manage it this week as I already had things I had committed myself to doing IRL and on the blockchain, and it has been half term with the kids. But next one @erh.germany, please tag me again as I will definitely have a go 😍
lol I know how you feel. I literally have two more posts to make today. And I hope nobody thinks it'll be a habit, lol
😃🙏😎
Brilliant @wrestlingdesires
Well done have the best day😎