Decluttering My Mind || Less Control, More Flow

Recently, I underwent a physical psychological analysis because I am passionate on the subject of self-development. Whilst I’m not aiming at perfection, I, at least want and hope to become a better person in every aspect of my life.

Now, the analysis began with a question that asked, “Is there a past experience, be it rejection or failure or disappointment, that still lingers on in your mind and causes you second-guess yourself in certain situations?”

Truly, we all have a little bit of those, don’t we? Experiences that shape how we are approach new situations hereby making us reluctant or maybe hesitant even when we’re fully capable.

Personally, the way my bad experiences shaped my mindset is by making me care less. No matter what happens, I tell myself, “It’s not that deep”. And because I already have this mentality that life always messes up plans, I either try not to make plans or try not to put too much heart into it, so that when disappointment comes, it doesn’t hit deep.

This analysis made me realize this is a defense mechanism I’ve built for myself. To expect the worst or at least not get attached. It’s almost like trying to outsmart life before it tries to get in the way and outsmart me. And oh well, not defending myself here, but it’s only natural. When you’ve made plans multiple times that didn’t go as planned, you’re bound to stop trusting the process completely.

Another thing it made me question was, "what if my need for control is too rigid?"

For instance, going into a situation with a complete A-Z blueprint of how I want to start the process and how exactly I want the result to be. Even if the process follows my blueprint, when the result differs, then disappointment tend to hit hard. What if in the process of getting a totally different result, one discovers something new? In other words, maybe it’s not life that causes me disappointment, maybe it’s my need for control and inability to be flexible, see beyond what I have imagined and planned. Expectations can indeed rob one of the opportunity to see the value in the unexpected.

Now, this mindset of expecting the worst or not getting too attached, while protective, can be limiting. The analysis made me realize that if I don’t trust the process of things working out, I might not even notice that I’m subconsciously holding back.

Now, what if we shift our mindset from “the universe always messes up my plan” to “the universe always redirects me but because I am quick to adapt, I always land on my feet”. That way, we are letting go of control such that, even if things go left, we become flexible enough to go with flow, trust in our ability to make the next right move.

This realization or should I say self-development discovery is a gem to me. Because moving forward, it sure is a mindset that will not only make my life easier and simpler, but also set me up for success in the journey of who I hope to be.

Thank you for reading!🧸🧡

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