White spaces: experimenting with silence.
Experiment 1
I recently discovered an anthology of African American poets Russel Atkins, Amiri Baraka et al and for the first time, though I have previously used white space in my writing, I am tryin to do it with purpose. Yourquote app is where I play and sometimes I write something good and sometimes I don't. I like to think that the above poem is a good one. This is it below:
after rains a voice
follows new streams sing
me of morning lullaby my
body into downy dreams a baby
unnamed can be anyone in a
poem in a folktale not so strange
the rain demands denouement
thumpings of mud puddles
buckets trapped with water sleep
little one this world is not ready
the gate is almost dry drunk
for the coming season sleep
Writing on hive has always been about exploring what my craft can become, how far can I go, what new image can I plumb from my quick depths. Gradually I am finding new ways to say the things that I hunger to say and they are beautiful ways too.
My thematic preoccupation has not changed though and then it is another end of the year and am still singing the same sad songs. Am I too old to feel this way, this empty, weary and angry? But let us not derail this post with psycho analysis of my mind.
Experiment 2
The second poem was informed by a monochrome picture of a girl holding on to a pole in a deserted street, her locks in the wind. I saw the poem and wanted to add something to that image.
Do you write poems randomly while seeing a movie or reading a novel or even a poetry collection? Do you get the urge, after reading a line that spoke to you, to reply back, to tell that character, that poet persona something about yourself? I do it all the time. In fact, I write as I read. The two go together.
Again as in the first example of my experiments with paring down my writing, you can see that I used fewer words and a lot of white space. I am searching for simplicity. If I am to use complex metaphors and turns of phrase, the. I need to make the work spare and bare for easy reading. That is what this experiments are about. This poem can be read below:
in black & white
an empty street
we dance
doves & butterfly wings
palpitate the air
dress the wind
your hair
it is a white sun
this time & our shoes
are muddy running
hold the pole
snap snap
imprisoned celluloid
cellulites show
snip snip
cut laughter lines
as we swing by
bring desire
your body is stripped again
in black & white
Unfortunately, I do not have the energy to format the poems on this posting board. You will have to make do with the screenshots.
It is my hope one day to craft something that would make the world shimmer. I hope these two small poems meet you well and mean more to you than you hoped. Namaste.
It is always an amazing feel to read from you. I thought I was the only one who reads and writes simultaneously.
I used to think so too but I have met others who do the same. I think writing while I read helps me understand better.
Hey Tez❤️
And what a wonderful feeling of belonging :)
Hey Mwalim ❤
Indeed 💕
i quite like the style, even if it feels a bit forced here and there, but maybe because i am more used with rhymes. i will try to make something similar to see how it is.
I love this stripped down poem of yours - I think there is something in simplicity, for sure. Never too old! I'm so grateful you are on HIVE with your poetry.
Thank you @riverflows. It is always cool to connect with old friends here.
I am still experimenting, still trying to find ways to press down words to its bare bones.
I love experimenting with white space in poetry. There is so much potential for unique things. Many poems try this kind of experimentation, but sadly they never get much attention, so the default remains to do things the standard way. It's too bad Hive (still) doesn't support CSS so we can't do advanced formatting play. But then again, that would be a lot of work to do even if it was supported.
Anyway, I love your experiments here! Keep it up.
I also get inspiration for poems while consuming other media. I usually keep some index cards in my pocket, in fact, to write down random scraps of poetry. I think those raw inspired moments make the best poetry. That is, in fact, what Bashō advised for writing haiku.
I do my writing on Google docs so it is always open on my phone. As I see a movie or listen to a song, I write on the Google doc editor.
It would be cool to be able to edit poems further. Maybe one day, we will have that function.
I like your poems especially the second one.
I'm not very familiar with English poetries format (I just wrote however I wanted most of the time) so I'm not really used to see the white spaces you used here.
What kind of purpose the white spaces serve exactly? (Sorry I really don't know)
I use it to separate ideas and phrases which I'm sure are important. This is to draw attention to each phrases contribution to the overall effect.
I also use the white spaces to represent silence. How can you say so much with saying little? That is the idea.
If you look closely you will notice that there are no punctuations in the poems. Punctuations are replaced with those white spaces..
You should look to some modern writers American (latin and African), European and African. You'd be surprised at experimental styles of poetry that are out there.
Ah I see. I thought it was only for aesthetic purpose, to form certain shapes out of the words and lines.
Now that I reread your poems with and without the white spaces, I can definitely feel the difference in the poem delivery.
Thanks for the insight!
Music is what inspires me to write a lot, certain tunes just cause the words to flow and I am so grateful for that. Other times it is after being outside in the wild, imagining what it is it wished to communicate with me.
I love these two poems by you, you always create such beautiful imagery and conquer up a lot of emotions in me. Sending you lots of love my friend xxx
Music inspires me as well. Especially jazz and blues. I've never written in the wild though. That would be interesting.
Thank you dear and lots of love back at you. ❤️
Here is one piece of music that really gets my creative juices flowing xx