The Weight of a Heart
Mom's Engagement photograph at age nineteen.
Few things are as heavy as a broken heart. A person can have all the material goods that they need, but a wounded heart, the Holy Scriptures say, who can bear it?
I vividly recall the moment that I experienced a heavy heart. Standing on our deck at 3:00 am June 14, 1997 and listening to the police describe my mother's death by gunshot. They wanted to know if I suspected that anyone may have shot her. I drifted inwardly into some dark abyss where I would remain for a couple years; unable to fully comprehend the totality of this event.
A heavy heart can heal, but it takes time. Sometimes, we don't have the kind of time that we need for self care. I was 38 years old and a homeschooling mom. I still had to wake up each day and hold class for my three children. I'm truly not sure who was present at that time since I had somehow insulated my heart into some safe recess. I went through all of the motions expected of me, even with efficiency. Autopilot was switched on.
It wasn't until my marriage dissolved completely and I left with my two sons to find my own apartment that I was even able to confront what happened and attempt to work through those complex emotions. Suicide brings with it a slew of complex emotions and differs significantly from other forms of loss.
Even suicide loss can heal. What remains is a heart softened by this unique form of loss. I'm particularly sensitive to anyone who loses a loved one through suicide and go out of my way to offer hope and encouragement. One day at a time can truly be tackled with the support and understanding of someone who has passed this way before.
Kiss your loved ones regularly and never take anyone you love for granted. Love and love hard, because we don't know when we will see them again.
This is my five
minute freewrite using prompt heavy hosted by @mariannewest.
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They told me if I killed myself now it would save the lives of countless others.
Saying the longer I wait to kill myself the more people will suffer.
They are reckless and should have shown the proper media what they had before taking me hostage for 5 years. I know there are many in prison that dont deserve to be there because of this. Your stay in prison will not be fun @battleaxe and friends. People are going to want you dead when they find out what you did. I hope you die a slow painful death. You sick mother fuckers.
https://peakd.com/gangstalking/@acousticpulses/electronic-terrorism-and-gaslighting--if-you-downvote-this-post-you-are-part-of-the-problem
Its a terrorist act on American soil while some say its not real or Im a mental case. Many know its real. This is an ignored detrimental to humanity domestic and foreign threat. Ask informed soldiers in the American military what their oath is and tell them about the day you asked me why. Nobody has I guess. Maybe someone told ill informed soldiers they cant protect America from military leaders in control with ill intent. How do we protect locked up soldiers from telling the truth?
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They told me if I killed myself now it would save the lives of countless others.
Saying the longer I wait to kill myself the more people will suffer.
They are reckless and should have shown the proper media what they had before taking me hostage for 5 years. I know there are many in prison that dont deserve to be there because of this. Your stay in prison will not be fun @battleaxe and friends. People are going to want you dead when they find out what you did. I hope you die a slow painful death. You sick mother fuckers.
https://peakd.com/gangstalking/@acousticpulses/electronic-terrorism-and-gaslighting--if-you-downvote-this-post-you-are-part-of-the-problem
Its a terrorist act on American soil while some say its not real or Im a mental case. Many know its real. This is an ignored detrimental to humanity domestic and foreign threat. Ask informed soldiers in the American military what their oath is and tell them about the day you asked me why. Nobody has I guess. Maybe someone told ill informed soldiers they cant protect America from military leaders in control with ill intent. How do we protect locked up soldiers from telling the truth?
Now my heart is heavy. I could feel your pain while reading this. She was a beautiful woman. I lost my mother last August from a stroke then covid and my heart has not healed from it.
Sending love and prayers for your healing 🙏.
thank you, I know that I will get there. It took years when Dad passed, and I still miss him. I am guessing that is something that we never get over. The same prayers for you, too.
Lovely writing dear friend !PIZZA
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Tears filled my eyes as I came across your mother's beautiful engagement photograph and read the heartbreaking story. I had to collect myself before returning to leave a comment.
The story about your dear mother coincides with the recent suicide of Naomi Judd. Fame. Fortune. Beauty. Loving family. Suicide can happen in anyone's world.
I am truly sorry for your loss and cannot begin to imagine the pain you carried during the years @wandrnrose7
You have a pure heart and are an inspiration for others.
Sending you cyber hugs and love!❤❤❤
Your kind words mean a lot. Thank you for reading and commenting. God is good to me. I will see her in Heaven one day because she did ask Jesus to save her. ❤️
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Greetings friend, I understand you in a certain way in what you relate, you are very right, a loss of this style is something that is very difficult to carry many times at the same time that you try to carry in parallel the daily life of each one.
It is very painful, but it is also important to find that relief that we can find by healing everything that happens, whether in a place that gives us peace, sharing with someone or going to something else in religion.
That last paragraph is what we all have to be aware of day by day, because it is the most real thing we have in life, and we have to take advantage of those moments with our family, friends, have a good day, a big hug and God bless you 🤗
God has been kind to me and I am left with warm memories of my mother's unconstitutional love for us. Thank you for reading, my friend. God bless.
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Maybe I shouldn't comment. It might be dangerous for my health. But then again, I'm Irish.
A heart heavy with the weight of loss.
The burden carried not possible to see.
Unseen by others, the void inside.
Ripped to shreds, the logic from our mind.
The best part of us, torn from within.
The feeling you live, Be proud you did not toss.
A much greater cost, if we discard the fee.
From ourselves, It is much harder to hide.
In the struggles of life, there is gems to find.
Only after the grieving, does finding the gems begin.
That you carried the burden through the darkest holes.
That you took that path and did not flee.
When you carried on, burdened and tired.
Through those shredded thoughts, your self to bind.
There is a gem in everything you done.
I hope you find a reason to smile in there.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful poetic response. ❤️