9 Years: a Roller-Coaster of Emotions || Relationship Talk

9 years, 9 whole years have gone by since the day we started chatting in a more I'm going to be honest it was more sexual than romantic at the beginning LOL.

Distance makes the heart grow fonder…

4 of those years were long distance, and man how hard were those, looking back I sit here thinking wow I really loved this guy or I wouldn’t be able to pull that off, yet back then when we started it was not a serious relationship, we were more friends with benefits, why? Well, we lived in different states 12hours apart and weren’t looking for anything serious.

I even remember our very first fight he told me “don't go acting like a girlfriend on me” OMG the audacity of this man! We had been chatting for like a week by then I was so insulted he though I couldn’t stay platonic I didn’t want to talk to him anymore, but he asked for forgiveness and here we are lol.

A year into the NO relationship, he asked me to come meet his mom, and he introduces me to his friends as his girlfriend I was shook, to this day I'm still waiting on him asking me to be his girlfriend it has never happen!

No more back and for

4 years go by and I graduated and we start talking about the future, a scary talk to be honest, at this point I was already in too deep, I mean I was traveling monthly just to be with him, enduring road trips in the crazy roads of Venezuela, that was love! So, when he said I should come live with him, that was EXCITING! Then we had the baby talk, I have never dream of being a mom, but somehow love is weird and makes you do things you wouldn’t normally do? I wasn’t against having kids either but when he said he did saw kids (just one to be honest he never used plural thank god) in his future I started seeing it too. We didn’t really like planned, we were more of a let’s see what happens and would be happy with any outcome that may be.

Starting a family

Turns out we are pretty fertile, or at least I was until I cut my tubes, I got pregnant just a few weeks after letting go of the pill, let me tell you something, this relationship can be high and can be low, but making this kid is the best thing we have ever done and no matter what the future holds for us as a couple, I will be forever grateful to have found this guy and have sex on that exact night to make this child happen.

The Roller-coaster

Since the beginning the ups and downs have been there, I think is normal in every relationship, but us being in a long-distance kind of mess, well the lows were really low, and I'm not going to lie yes, trust was a big issue at least on my part (cause the guy has never shown any sign of jealousy at all) but the main thing was his lack of emotion expression, like he is a cold and dry as a rock in the Antarctic. I have tried not to change who he is or his personality cause then he wouldn’t be the man that I love, but we have worked on improving this side of him.

I believe a healthy couple fights, not a lot, and not constantly but just sometimes, we are after all different humans and even tho we try the communication thing, sometimes is more of a how you said it than what you said it.

Since moving in together and having our kid, our fights have lower in number, and the outcomes of say fights are normally just a period of not talking to each other for a few hours or a whole day, in the past, our fights would mean I would break it off and just travel back home, crying the whole road.

The anniversary

It was actually a couple of days back on June 9th. as every year I wonder would he remember? The day before I asked him cause like @mechis85 says better to remember him of it, than to expend all day moody cause he forgot. Turns out he did remember it, but did he have anything planned? Nope… I don't know why did I expected something different to be honest, he is not the kind of guy who likes to do much on special days, but like come on 9 years? And we are literally not doing anything? I was pissed.

Comes the day in question and that morning he just says to me Happy anniversary OMG!!!!! I was pissed so much I throw a pillow to him, that was it? That was all that we were going to mark 9 years with? I let it go and waited all day for something, when the night came and we were about to sleep, (school night so we go to bed early) I had to tell him something, I asked him why he showed so little interest in the 9 years we have being together, he said we were busy all day and to add to that my attitude in the morning (the pillow throwing) didn’t help, so yes people HE GOT MAD AT ME! For “fighting him” about it!

The thinking

I have expended 2 days super mad at him, thinking of even leaving him, (I can’t not until school is over cause of the kid), thinking what a life away from him and as a single mom would be, angry and at the same time not angry at all, I wasn't even disappointed about his attitude cause is not the first time he just lets an important day go under the table, I was thinking all this in my head and then I saw an image on Instagram by a psychologist that said it is normal. Now I didn’t screen grab the image and don't even remember the username of the doctor but will put here what I remember the image said.

every couple goes through periods of emotional distance, of lack of sex, of disliking each other, of revaluations of the relationships, this is all normal and part of a lasting relationship, how you as a couple navigate through it is what makes you last in time.

And I'm making this post at 1.13am after a long talk with the guy aka baby daddy, also maybe some sex was involved, turns out I'm not leaving him anymore LOL, I probably never had a real intention of leaving, but is normal to think about it, to process it in your head and to hate ok not hate but not like your partner, is ok, the thing is you need to work through it with them and if you guys fixed the issue come out of the other side still together.

a Lasting couple is not a perfect one

The ups are a joy, but the downs are what make the ups so much more fun! The honey moon phase is just that a phase and you can’t expected to last forever, what you can do is work in having this type of phases regularly, but worry not if they aren’t as often as you would want them to be.

Hopefully, next year we get to celebrate the 10 year anniversary in a better way than this year, I mean the guy needs to learn my god he can be such an asshole sometimes! But after all this time… Still love you.

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