Relationships, What I've Learnt

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I don't have the best track record, when it comes to relationships. I always seem to attract and fall for the wrong men. It took, a long time for me to understand that and to realise that I needed to heal myself, if I wanted to experience a better relationship.

Awareness is so important, being aware of your own triggers and your pain. And having a willingness to heal. With that awareness comes honesty. Being open and honest, with yourself, only then can you really be honest with someone else.

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To be brave enough, to be authentic, to understand how we need to make ourselves happen. For sure, others can make us happy, but your happiness should not depend on whether you are in a relationship or not. We need to take more responsibility for our own lives, for our own needs. Waiting for some one to fix things.

We have got to fix ourselves. Feel complete by oneself.

Or at the very least, begin the journey towards it. Because relationships will always be challenging at times. Two separate beings, meeting, intertwining, it brings so much with it, this meeting of two souls, finding their way together. Willing to really see one another, to listen to each other, to accept one another.

But you have to do the work, if you want to get to that place. And that is kind of scary, but also, oh so liberating.

My advice for relationships? Focus on the relationship you have with yourself first. That is the most important one. Then you can attract the person that will continue to grow alongside you. I am saying this, not yet in such a relationship. But I feel like, this has been a very important part of my journey. Coming to this understanding.

Respecting one another. Creating space for one another, together and apart. Holding on to who you are, to the person you are becoming. Allowing them to do the same. That is perhaps one of the most challenging parts of any relationship, is being able to accept each other. Both the light and the dark that resides within us all.

Seeing each other through the shit times and the good times. Being real with one another. Always been real with one another, about how you feel, what you need and listen. Listening is really important, really important. Feeling heard. It really says a lot.

Actions really are louder than words, to be active together, to be creative together. To do fun things together, to have fun together. To give each other space, this is so important, I had to say it twice. Space to grow.

(The images used in this post, are mine.)

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23 comments
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I think this is a really good one. I think a lot of people carry trauma from childhood that makes them fall for the wrong men - do you think this might be you? If you've read 'The Body Keeps the Score' my thinking might make sense. Not that I'm judging you in any way shape or form. But I think we often go for the relationships that seem normal to us, like what we've had in the past, and for some people, that isn't ideal. I've been lucky as I had a really safe childhood with loving parents in a loving marriage, so every one of my relationships have been with loving loyal men, even though I was unhappy with them in different ways until I met Jamie. My problem I think was self esteem and when I worked on that, voila, there came the love of my life! I hope this happens to you, but then happiness comes in different forms, and it's not always in the form of a solid, traditional relationship with a man. But you know all of this, I'm just totally agreeing with you!

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Thank you and yes, you would be right about me carrying trauma. I grew up, in a toxic environment. So it had a huge impact on me and my view of love and what I thought I deserved.
Sending you a hug xxx

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This is very inspiring, we most first cultivate a deep relationships with ourselves first, love ourselves first and invest In ourselves in order to give back to our significant other.

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It all really does begin with self-love, and if we don't heal and reintegrate our wounded fragments, our relationships will simply mirror them back to us, over, and over, and over, until we finally learn the lessons that those experience have to teach us. I'm still learning to accept and to be OK with the strong probability that I'm alone and solitary the rest of this life, and with the regret of never having started a family. You're brilliant, @trucklife-family, and I'm grateful that I decided to come visit you on your posts a lot more. 😁 🙏 💚 ✨ 🤙

!DIY
!HOPE
!INDEED
!STRIDE
!WEIRD

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Ah thanks so much @tydynrain. Yes our relationships are mirrors, we just have to be strong enough to confront them, to accept them. xxxx

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You're very welcome, @trucklife-family, of course. That's the chsllenge indeed...we need to be strong enough to face what comes up in them. My path it would seem is now simply having a relationship with myself. 😁 🙏 💚 ✨ 🤙

!DIY
!HOPE
!INDEED
!STRIDE
!WEIRD

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@tydynrain just sent you a DIY token as a little appreciation for your post dear @trucklife-family! Feel free to multiply it by sending someone else !DIY in a comment :) You can do that x times a day depending on your balance so:

Don't be shy - share some DIY!

You can query your personal balance by !DIYSTATS

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I had to breathe through this a lot. Breathe because I couldn't have put it better myself and because I can clearly see the wealth of experience behind this.

Learning not to lose sense of who you are when you're in a relationship with someone else is paramount. Learning to accept them in their light and their darkness is also important if you want to be with them. Being real and the to each other and yourselves no matter what.

I'm learning to heal through all of that. And hopefully, I'll be better for it.

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Thank you lovely, yes being through to yourself, that is so important, then I think you attract the right person as well xxx

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Hello @trucklife-family
You have in these lines a lot of life sustenance and nutrients for the soul, you have an inner voice that has been preening of reflective consciousness, discarding and releasing the stuffing, to give way to the construction and polishing of the gem of experiential wisdom, that which is reflected with propriety and prestige to your exterior. We came to this existential journey to learn assiduously and be happy with every step we take. To be enriched by the mutation of consciousness, is to transform the inside to be.
The #ThoughtfulDailyPost team thanks you for your inciting contribution of reflections, which strengthens the collective growth in experiential learning.
Health and wellness to you and yours !LUV

Hola @trucklife-family
Tienes en estas líneas mucho sustento de vida y nutrientes para el alma, tienes una voz interior que se ha ido acicalando de conciencia reflexiva, desechando y soltando el relleno, para dar paso a la construcción y pulido de la gema de la sabiduría vivencial, esa que se refleja con propiedad y prestigio a tu exterior. Vinimos a este viaje existencial para aprender asiduamente y ser felices con cada paso que damos. Enriquecerse con la mutación de la conciencia, es transformar el interior para ser.
El equipo de #ThoughtfulDailyPost te agradece tu incitante aporte de reflexiones, que fortalece el crecimiento colectivo en el aprendizaje vivencial.
Salud y bienestar para ti y los tuyos.

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This is SUCH good advice. Most of the negative experiences I've had in relationships could have been avoided if I would have just taken the time to heal from my past trauma -- de-prioritizing my own needs, people pleasing, fear of abandonment, difficulty setting boundaries...all this stems from unresolved trauma. It's so easy to not take accountability and blame the other person but, looking back, all of that suffering I've gone through could have been prevented.

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Thank @ericvancewalton, your words mean a lot.
Yeah, it's not easy taking responsibility for the part we play in our own suffering. But then, that is all part of our healing xx

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