Having To Walk Away, Is Not An Easy Thing To Do

I have been blessed with meeting some pretty amazing people down through the years. Some of them, have become close friends, some like family, chosen family. Living away from my homeland, it's important to have a supportive network around you, especially as a solo parent. I'm lucky that my girls have quite a few 'Aunts and Uncles',around them. People that have stepped up when I needed extra support or help.

I like to think that I am a good friend as well. That I am be there for my friends, to listen when they need to be heard, to hold space for them. To offer practical and emotional support when the time arises and also to make time to have fun together, to come together and create together. Something I really do enjoy. Be it music or art.

As the years have past, I have learnt about the importance of boundaries. In the past I have been an over giver, I have exhausted myself before, trying to please others. Giving too much of myself, unable to say no, when someone requested something from me. Desperate in a way for others to like me, seeking recognition. But as I got more confident in myself, more self assured, I found I no longer needed it. But I still had to work on my boundaries, I had to become confident in saying no. To not let people walk all over me.

Becoming a mother helped, because I had to conserve my energy. So I really began to understand how important it was to just give up. ( As weird as that may sound) To give up what people think, give up the need to try and impress others, give up the need to always say yes. To finally begin to honour myself and my needs. Without feeling guilty, for doing so. So many of us, carry so much guilt, that it can be really hard to prioritize ones own self care.

One of the hardest things I have had to do, is to distant myself from a friend, a really good friend, because their behaviour. Because even though you told them, that they were being too demanding, that they were not respecting my boundaries, they continued to act the same. And here's the thing, you can't expect anyone to change for you, they have to want to change themselves.

I am happy to listen to my friends when they are in need, but when they call me almost daily to off load, to vend, it started to get exhausting. Anytime I saw them, there was always a big story, their big story and never any interest in hearing anything I had to say. I told them that I needed to have less contact with them as my life is already pretty full, between working and looking after my girls, so that any quiet time I had, I actually needed it to be quiet time.

Instead I had been feeling bombarded and when I tried to be nice and say I just needed some time out, I got accused of not being a good friend. I was reminded by my friend how much they had done for me, how often they had been there for me. In other words, I was made to feel guilty for wanting to look after myself and my own well being. It was at that moment that I realized that a true friend would never make me feel like that. So I just had to walk away, because they refused to listen to me, to hear me.

It was painful, it still is, because I still care for this person, but I was getting so burned out, having them demand so much from me. Expecting me to be there for them, every day. The person that they could always off load onto. Like I said at the beginning, I am happy to be there for my friends, but they have to be able to respect my boundaries, just like I have to respect theirs.

This is my response, to the Thoughtful Thursday Prompt #4.......

Have you had to walk away from a friendship to preserve your inner peace? Describe the factors and reflections that impacted this decision.

All photos used in this post, are mine. They are of me and my friends.