Faster Time

Being human, there are many things I wish I could change. Just like everyone else, I have a lot of regret and trauma that I wish I could forget or go back in time and erase. However, I'm the type of person that believes that who I am now is a result of the decisions I made in the past and the circumstances surrounding my entire life.

My life isn't so great but I'm on a path that I think will lead to greatness and good fortune. My commitment to staying on this path is not an issue for me but the problem is the time it would take to get there. I really really wish time would move quicker right now and I'd move as fast as it. I'll be 21 in June but I kind of wish I can be 27 soon. Shocking right? Well, in this post, I will share with you two reasons I want time to move quicker.

Healing

I just have a lot of baggage I want to lose and I hope I lose them in time.

In my culture, there's this huge pressure on the first son of the family to be successful and basically carry the rest of the family. From a young age I've basically been trained to be the head and everyone looks up to me. This kind of pressure pushes me to do my best but sometimes it's just not so great. When things go wrong in the family it feels like it's my fault. It feels like I should have known and prevented it from happening and now that it has happened, I have to fix it.

There are people I have lost and blame myself for their death. Although struck by grief, I have to keep it together for everyone else while still trying to manage the guilt. Family does not even give me time to grieve because I'm quickly reminded of how I'm the first son and should basically suck it up because I have to hold the family together and be successful later. When I lost my dad at 18, one of my relatives even told me that men don't cry and it would be shameful if I did.

Sometimes the baggage gets too heavy for me to carry and so I isolate myself. I have to be alone so I can escape reality and manage the depression. Sometimes I feel like I'm running away from my "responsibilities" but I like to tell myself that I'm a jinx and everyone else would be better off if I were far from them.

Not-minding the subtopic, I really don't believe that time heals emotional wounds but I believe that it makes them easier to manage. I just wish that time would pass faster so the wounds would be way more easier to manage. I want to get to a point in time when guilt and grief don't weigh down on me so much and I can finally breathe.

Success and Happiness

Despite what I've said, I'm not a sad kid with no will to live. I really have a lot of will to live. I think I'm probably the person with the biggest will to live that I know. I have dreams and aspirations that I really want to achieve and I am willing to do what it takes to make sure I get the future I so greatly desire.

I've always had this natural instinct towards making money. Right from when I was about 11 years old, I've had a couple of small businesses that make me money to buy myself whatever I want. Growing up, I've learned a lot about money and how to manage greed (you know, to avoid 'em ponzi schemes and obvious scams). As I matured, I started to get into serious businesses. I started my first business (mini importation) at 17 and although it didn't survive, I'm really proud I did something like that. Over the years, I've gone into other money making opportunities and have slowly been able to understand what works for me. I'm doing pretty good for myself and so I know that I can achieve my dreams with the trajectory I'm on but the problem, again, is time.

I know success takes time but I really wish it didn't. I know it takes an average of 7-10 years to achieve success which is why I chose the age of 27. I want to get to a point when my dreams would have started to manifest. I don't want to fast forward these years because I want to experience the process that would lead to success and so be much appreciative when it comes. My goal isn't just to be rich but to achieve financial freedom. To make money work for me and not the other way round. I really can't wait for the years of working for money to be over.

There are things money cannot buy. People say that money cannot buy happiness but I just want to say that the whole thing isn't just about the money for me. There's a sense of purpose attached to it which I guess is partly because of the way I was brought up. I just know that if I fulfil this purpose and get to a point I don't have to worry about money anymore, then I'll be happier.

Oh well, I guess I'll just wait patiently for time to go by. Six years is a long time but it will pass anyway. I rather it passes in my favor.