Running Away, Or Toward
My Daughter was upset this week, because a good friend of hers at school threatened to not be her friend, if my daughter played with someone else. The reason she waned to play with someone else, is because her friend will only play what she likes to play, never what my daughter wants. This is for seven year old girls to sort out, but when she came home from school upset, we did have a talk. Bit by bit, I want my daughter to have an understanding of human nature, and learn how to impact on it.
How she uses that information, will be up to her.
But, this situation also reminded me of how most of us are followers, not self-directed. We follow in many subtle ways, pushed this way and that, manipulated by our environment to make decisions, or to stand still. We feel like we are making the choice, but ultimately, there is no way to tell why we chose one thing over another. If we can't tell if we are free to choose, freedom of choice doesn't exist.
I think that a lot of our direction isn't actually given by what we want, but rather than what we don't want. It is from a fear of outcome, which means that we end up moving away from what we don't want, even if we don't have a direction in which to go. We can move in any direction, 360 degrees unintentionally. The only thing that drives us, is what is chasing us.
Are you running from, or toward something?
A lot of my life has been running away from, but with the feeling that I was running too. I think that the difference might be in the way that it was framed, where decisions were made to go in a direction, because I feared the outcome of another. For instance, choosing the education I did, because I feared failing at the education I wanted. A lot of my decisions have been similar, running from a potential failure, rather than finding out if I had what it took to be successful.
Yet, it wasn't just a fear of failure, as I also have a fear of success. I dislike the spotlight a lot and if I do happen to get public recognition for something I have done, will downplay it, or say something to undermine it. We probably all do this to some degree, depending on topic.
But, moving out of fear or following the herd is the norm, because choosing a direction is out of favor. Choosing requires taking some responsibility and making a commitment, and that also means accepting the consequences as self-inflicted. but, a lot of the results we get are self-inflicted, even if we aren't aiming for that result. Act in a certain way, do a certain thing, get a certain result. Yet, how many of us have it worked out? How many of us really know what direction we are going and committing to it. I suspect not many.
How many of us threaten others, if we don't get our way?
How many give in?
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
The little princess of the house is free to choose, to be manipulated or to be decisive and assert herself. It just so happens that she has parents who advise her wisely. I wouldn't worry, Smallsteps, she will know how to handle herself without difficulty, and she will have her little group of companions who will support her; perhaps she will be a leader, heh, heh, heh. Blessings to her.
I don't worry about her I this case. However, I do think it requires conversation to bring up options and perhaps reasons she wouldn't consider otherwise.
Some of my friends believe their kids will be working for her in the future :D
Oh man that sounds like the kind of thing my wife used to deal with on an everyday basis at work. Now it's more serious stuff. Kids have such crazy stuff going on at home these days, the issues like that have become pretty trivial.
Yeah. I think there is a reflection if home life in school life. Kids tend to carry the lessons of the parents, acting in some pretty terrible ways at times. This has been emphasized by digital culture too, where the parents are also influenced.
It is true, Mr. Taraz, the need to belong leads us to put pressure on ourselves not only to do what others do, or to have what others have, but even to feel what others feel, I think that to get out of this, we just need to listen to ourselves and get out of the herd, that is with a good magnifying glass to observe virtues and differences.
Talk and listen to your daughter so that she learns to choose.
I ma hoping that Smallsteps will come to understand that the herd mentality leads most often to pain now. Safety in numbers only works when those numbers are skilled and caring.
It is also true Mr. Taraz, fortunately, Smallsteps, with this experience you have just lived at school her mindset is learning where the difference is.
My psychology professor used to say, "It's easier for people to know what they don't want than what they do want." Hence, it is easier to act in flight than in approach. Hopefully, at some point in life we are at least clear about what we don't want, where we don't want to be and with whom we don't want to share. A great weekend, my friend. Greetings
I think we should all spend enough time alone to be able to listen to our voice and choose a direction. Writing helps.
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All of us, to an extent and according to the situation. It's the ratio that makes the difference. What's our common approach? Do we consciously choose it? I think it's a very useful aspect of choice to have in mind.
I feel we make a lot of our choices based on default, thinking that because it feels right, it is what we want. Defaults are conditioned, but it doesn't mean they are well calibrated to our needs.
Since the first grade of school, I have been telling children about manipulators. It is quite easy to recognize such people. But not every child can say no to such people. When people deliberately manipulate other people, it is disgusting.
Manipulation is ever-present. However, understanding ourselves can help mitigate the risks.
Surprisingly if you as a content creator continue with that approach it would make it harder for you to see growth. Most of the successful influencers, writers and content creators have to get rid of this mindset. Mind you I hate spotlight myself but I am changing and very clear on trying to get some spotlight on my content.
Yep. If I wanted to "make it big" I'd have to change. But, I am not sure that is the kind of life I'd want at all. Who wants to get recognized everywhere they go? Narcissists? :D
It is very interesting that the friend is already showing behaviors usually done by adults, and it is a bit concerning for it to happen at such a young age. This is the usual selfish and manipulative tactics common in adults. Making people choose between me or them, always wants to do things they want, etc. For children, this is a bit ok, and is usually a sign of being a spoiled child. But when they don't outgrow it and continue with this behavior when they get older, that is when it is usually a problem. I usually avoid these people, but I hope your daughter doesn't lose a friend.
It is actually really interesting in this case, as the girl is a ray of sunshine every time I see her, but I also wonder how much of an act it is at times, or what it is a response to.
I'm not sure, but I've seen it in other kids as well. They are so bubbly and friendly too. It might be that the parents are enablers and let them do what they want most of the time. I've seen it on an only child as well. So maybe there are different factors.
Blackmail from such a young age? Why I am not surprised.
I wonder if she realizes what she is doing, or is it just some kind of habit.
I think that your daughter's friend will have some characteristical problems in the future.
If she doesn't recognize and change it early enough, for sure. These types of people often end up lonely.
During my high school years and even all my life, I focused on science, my father wanted me to become an engineer of some sort. Doesn't matter what kind, as long I'd have the "engineer" tag. But, since I was a kid I've been programmed to lean towards businesses and entrepreneurship, its ins and outs, thanks to my old man; he never even realized it. He used to take me to his office and meetings since I was like 4 or 5 years old, and I loved it.
All this pure maths, physics, chemistry, and all never made much sense to me. Habitually, I leaned more toward the realm of business studies. History was the only "natural" option, I wouldn't even study that damn subject back at home, yet I'd score 80/90% with ease. Because I was that attentive during class. Even though I found all of it to be quite interesting back then, that's not the case now.
I've changed, and my options have changed. But I'll probably work on or invest in some type of business as long as I'm alive, I just can't get away from it, even if I try...
You are lucky, because you probably have the math engineering pedigree to some extent, so the business numbers will also be a strength of yours. Too many people get into business, because they don't like numbers. I wish I had stronger maths skills, as analysis is a huge part of business these days, though mine suck!!
Hey man, my maths sucks too. If that makes you feel any better. 😂
The only kind of math that I liked and was good at was the type related to Accounting. That's all thanks to my home tutor back then, the man knew how to teach properly.
I think what undermined my determination to succeed, was the fear that no matter how hard I worked, any gains or successes I enjoyed would be attributed to handsomeness, rather than hard work or natural talent. It's a natural and easy conclusion, considering; but I'd like to think I'm more than just all this.
I get it. I get it. I have always wondered if it is the BDE I exude.... :D
You are right. I think we have to choose our friends circle very wisely because the good ones give us peace of mind and the toxic one gave us just damage and nothing else. We have to make our self respective and never give up on our self. Hope she be happy soon
In so many ways fear enslaves us We avoid taking a stand or we make a commitment out of fear.. Sometimes it is our selfishness that gets in the way. And then there is our own psychological baggage. We can be our own worse enemy.
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