Arsenal the joke of "North" London

Arsenal are the joke of "North" London!

The Gooners have requested a postponement of the the North London derby for what I can only imagine are the following reasons

• The match clashes with Mikel Arteta's shift as a waiter at La Rueda tapas restaurant in Clapham (to be fair he can get some good tips when he wears those tight trousers of his)
• The SatNav on their team bus is broken and not being local to the North London area they won't be able to find the stadium without it
• Several of the squad are suffering with damage to their ear drums after Callum Chambers offered to rap at training on Friday
• The £121 million net spend they made this summer (biggest in the EPL) wasn't nearly enough. They'll need to double that before conceivably being able to field a football team
• Emile Smith-Rowe hasn't finished his homework and has been grounded by his mum
• They might have to start Pablo Mari in defence (even Spurs fans would be sympathetic to that one)
• Insert jokes about Jack Wilshere (I'd put them all in but I don't want to crash the blockchain)
• Oh yeah, and they have 1 confirmed case of Covid. That's not a typo it's 1, one, o-n-e

What's wrong Mikel? Chicken? image source

Essentially what Arsenal are trying to do is make a mockery of the current league rules that do allow sides to request a postponement as a result of a Covid-19 outbreak.

1 case is not an outbreak! There are more cases of Covid-19 in my 3-year-old son's nursery at the moment and guess what. Life goes on!

I can imagine now Mikel Arteta handing round the big bottle of Sprite to his players to swill around their mouths ahead of this morning's Covid tests to make sure they can bump those numbers up!

p.s. for those not in know, swilling any sugary, carbonated drink in your mouth prior to swabbing for a Covid test is likely to produce a positive result. Any such drink will work but being clear, Sprite is probably the one to use. This isn't just hearsay either, this is the way that the NHS have been training healthcare staff to recognise positive results on Covid tests for the past year or so and I have this information directly from a senior manager at an NHS hospital! So next time you fancy some time off work...

The real reasons for Arsenal requesting a postponement are because ...

They have 4 players out at the African Cup of Nations. Well make that 3 because 1 of them is Aubameyang, a guy that Arsenal football club have explicitly told would not be playing for them this month or possibly ever again! Add to that Nicolas Pepe and Mohamed Elneny neither of whom were realistically going to start the game anyway and you're left with Thomas Partey as the only first team player absent due to AFCON.

Plus of course AFCON wasn't unexpected. Arsenal knew they'd be losing these players before the season started. Perhaps they should have requested a postponement for the entire season back in September?

And of course, they'll be without Granit Xhaka who got himself sent off in the Gooner's last match against Liverpool. Again, this is hardly unexpected, the guy has been suspended 4 times in just over 12 months!

I for one would be happy for the league to reverse Xhaka's suspension so that he could be available on Sunday for selection because there is a strong chance that he'd get himself sent off again! That Arsenal persist with this muppet of a midfield enforcer is their problem!

Then of course they've got a few knocks and niggles to contend with. Now name me one Premier League side that doesn't?

Spurs certainly do. We'll be without Dier, Son and Reguilion who would all have started on Sunday and there are doubts over the likes of Romero (not started a game for 2 months) and Sessegnon.

Arsenal have similar concerns over the fitness of several first team players but this isn't a reason to call off a match, this is the cost of business when the business that you are in is football!

In 1997, Middlesbrough failed to travel to Blackburn for a Premier League match as a result of a virus that swept through their squad leaving them with only 12 fit players (Arsenal have significantly greater resources). At the time the Premier League decided that Boro had forfeited the match, awarded a 3-0 win to Blackburn and docked Boro 3 points for failing to fulfil the fixture, an action that would contribute towards their ultimate relegation from England's top flight.

We can only hope for some consistency from the Premier League on such matters because if they grant Arsenal's request to postpone the match on the grounds they've provided then where does this end?

Arsenal's request itself is also further evidence of how far football has drifted from its former claim of being "the working man's game". Do you think the average working man gets to request that his employer close for business because a couple of his colleagues are off sick and therefore he might have to shoulder more of the workload? What a bunch of prima donnas these modern footballers are!

All joking aside though, I'd love to hear from any Arsenal fans (there are quite a few on Hive) on how they feel about their club's request to postpone the North London derby?

Arsenal vs Spurs is one of the stand out fixtures in any Premier League season and I can't believe that any true football fan wouldn't be disappointed to hear that this match may be postponed for a series of piss poor reasons like those detailed above.