The Danger Of Falling For Someone’s Potential
My window of tolerance is sky high.
I will justify unacceptable behaviour to no end.
They will show me exactly who they are, yet I won’t believe them.
My red flags detectors were on, I simply decided to play dumb by overlooking the obvious painful truth.
We give and give and give, they take and take and take. They come first on our priority list - we come last on theirs. We beg for the bare minimum and they can’t even meet that threshold. I think I left my self respect out the door. Why are we desperately giving our all to maintain a one sided relationship?
Commitment doesn’t stand for convenience. Romantic relationships can’t stand the rest of time if we don’t nurture them. We shouldn’t have to play the part of our partner because they’re too lazy to put some efforts into our partnership. When you communicate in a healthy and loving way to your partner that you are feeling hurt by their limited investment into your relationship and they don’t do anything about it, make yourself a favour and leave. The truth is that people are the way they are. They won’t change their ways unless they are deeply committed to doing that kind of hard work (spoiler: most people aren't.) Save yourself some time and further heartache.
Some people simply seek out romantic relationships for their rewards. They’re here for the better without the worse.They will meet your needs when it’s convenient to them. Don’t forget, you’re operating from a place of “What can I do to make my partner happy today?” meanwhile they work from a place of “How much can I get from this relationship using the least possible amount of time and effort?”
The worst mistake I made beside fooling myself was to get fooled by their empty words. What good are apologies for without changed behaviours? They’re all talk but no action.They love you to pieces but they can barely fit you in their schedule. You’re their soulmate but they violate your trust and boundaries. Read the room honey. They don’t have the emotional maturity to be in a romantic relationship. They don’t deserve your love.
They will never love and value you the way you desperately want them to.
They want you to stick around because you don’t respect yourself enough to not put up with their shit. Since when has it become normal to have to fight to be worthy of receiving a good morning text? That’s what happens when you date people who are 0 dating material and could care less about giving you 30 sec of their time to keep your mind at ease.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
" Refusing to allow the Couple to wrap its wires around your life means refusing to extricate your relationships with those you fuck or fall in love with from your spiderweb of friends and accomplices; it means making a commitment to honor and prioritize the unique feelings and trust in each and all of your relations. […]
I have been experimenting with these frameworks for several years. In a certain sense, nothing changed — I was sucked into a deeply codependent, and in some moments abusive, relationship wherein a dear friend distorted their love for me into a fixation they could use to avoid confronting their past. My love for them was in turn twisted with bitter resentment for the trap they spoke so vehemently against and then continued to step right into. I had been through this before, it was an old, painful story. In another sense, everything changed — I had a clear vision of what I wanted in our friendship that made none of the exceptions to our shared values of individual and collective freedom and non-domination that are usually made in the context of Couples. When our friendship strayed from these values I was able to recognize that and intervene, even if only by refusing to engage, something that is often unheard of within the Couple. When my own hurt turned into resentment, I was able to be self-aware and critical of my actions in their own right, apologize when I felt I had acted wrongly and change behaviors that did not reflect my principles, instead of justifying my behavior based on how they were treating me. I was able to recognize harm without normalizing it as a part of being in love. And when, tragically, I felt that their fear of me leaving them ultimately eclipsed their love for me, I was able to walk away. Instead of living under the weight of an ultimatum — being either together or apart; instead of internalizing their terror of being abandoned and making their healing my responsibility, blaming myself for their suffering, I was able to trust them and our friends enough to leave. I was able to see my own needs and desires autonomously from theirs and act on them. "
You remind me of a quote I used to love a few years back saying that you should marry the guy who finds their way back to you even after you block them:P Lol, where where the grand gestures at when you had the chance to do them... I hope the withdrawal from the Sabrina drug is going great;) I have to give you at least 10 generous points for the effort mister P;)