KISS#110 ~` Gifting And Boundaries

This week's question reminded me of a friend of mine, Seyi whom I used to be very close to. We once worked together in a school before he had to leave to further his education. But I remembered before he left, we always talked frequently both at work and off work.

I don't know how we got so close in the first place, it's probably because we were both the youngest among the teachers in the school as the rest of our colleagues were way older than us.

What made us close was that from our conversations we realized that we had some things in common, the same taste in music, movie genres, and other things. Back then we could talk for hours and still have more to say. Moreso, we stay in the same community though not too close to each other. Some weekends, Seyi would come around my place always bringing something with him. Fruits, drinks, amongst other things while I also make sure he eats well.

One thing I like about him is that he loves giving and I also reciprocate but not as much as he does. If my charger becomes faulty, he is buying another for me the next day even when I would have the intention of getting it myself. At first, I saw it as a normal thing because we were not only colleagues but friends as well but then as time went by, I started becoming uncomfortable.

There was a day that we just closed from work and while some of the students had already gone home, some of the teachers were still around to make sure the whole place was being tidied up before we went home. I decided to bring out my earpiece and listen to music while we waited for the students to round up.

About two of the students were running around while we told them to take care and not injure each other but they didn't listen. One of the students ran in my direction and before I knew it, his hands mistakenly dragged my earpiece and well it wasn't a strong one anyway. To cut a long story short, the earpiece got damaged which got me angry, but since I realized it's something I could easily replace, I decided to just let it go and told the students to quit playing around which they now did.

Seyi came around to know what had happened and I explained to him, he immediately offered to give me his earpods but I politely told him not to worry as I would easily get another earpiece on my way back home since we have those gadgets stores around and besides the earpiece is a cheap one so it won't hurt my pocket at all getting another one immediately.

He insisted I collect his earpods but I refused. Immediately I saw his face change and he wore what seemed like an angry look before forcing himself to smile but I didn't miss that look on his face.

As we all got ready to go back home, I noticed his attitude changed and he barely managed to say goodbye before turning to the direction of his house. I replied to him and started going home as well. On my way home, I stopped to get the earpiece and continued listening to music till I got home.

Later that evening, he reached out to me, but I noticed he felt withdrawn and when I asked him if he was upset about me rejecting his "gift" earlier that day, he replied in the affirmative. Then I told him while I appreciate his giving nature, I have the right to choose to accept or reject his gifts without causing problems between us. "We are friends after all", I wrote in the message I sent to him.

After that day, I guessed he understood the message as he stopped "forcing" gifts on me. We do share things even after that day but he always respects my decision to decline if the need arises.

Looking back now I wondered if he probably had other things in mind or wanted more out of our friendship but I knew my friendship with him was purely platonic. We still talk and chat once in a while though I missed that vibe we used to have but then I love that the boundaries were set.

The image used is mine.

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