fall in love again

Hello everyone, whoever will read this article, introduce me, call me dear, and I will also call you dear. In the past year, I have rarely posted stories in this forum. I think I'll only post if I really want to confide in you dear. maybe it's rare to read but I also don't mind if no one reads, because by writing my story I feel relieved.

starting from here dear the photo that I shared with the pink jacket first, I still remember that. during semester 2 I joined an organization called "student nature lovers" actually I just wanted to climb a mountain at that time and indeed the requirement to enter the organization was climbing one of them. but accidentally when the climb took place I was not strong dear my physical condition maybe I really rarely exercise. I was accompanied by my team leader who was his responsibility to handle. I felt embarrassed but I was made to relax by giving him gum and playing music from his cellphone. I felt very comfortable and walked casually with the bag that my senior had brought. I was amazed because he personally likes cleanliness, it was very clear in my eyes. but I'm just amazed not like him.

then I keep feelings with my senior friends I call P ya dear. well, initially before the climb began, he coordinated with him because he was the one who was given the task of directing new students who registered in the organization. The P is very cool he is not that handsome but my eyes immediately fell in love, continued the climbing trip he and all my seniors including me who was junior was the only one behind with them.

I am very happy because I feel protected because many seniors accompany me. but before evening arrived one of the juniors fainted and before evening he was escorted back down by P and other seniors. I'm in my heart whether he's back or not. until the evening approached, it was getting more exciting because the seniors' jokes weren't dry and I felt like laughing. actually the organization was fun but I'm not physically strong so I didn't continue it.

back to the P who I thought did not come back finally he came back and reached the top again. I'm just in awe of him, he counts 2x up, the more I have a crush on dear, my heart feels bountiful. I'm happy but I'm ashamed to openly tell other people. I just keep it to myself in my mind I will only please my heart only. then when up and down climbing I always steal glances with him. but I know I won't have it because her circle is much prettier.

then on the way down the mountain I was strong, different from going up the mountain I was so weak, when I went down I was with P, my God, in my heart I was very happy just to see him like that, he was really cool when walking through that mountain field. I can't describe my mood, what's clear is that I'm happy.

After the diksar program was over, I decided not to continue because I had to be physically fit. even though you're healthy but I'm not that strong especially there are my neighbors who also join the organization I feel uncomfortable.
finally I was chatted by P even though I didn't continue in the organization I was told to go to bascamp it was really fun to chat with him even though P's reply was rather brief but maybe it really has become his character. and I gave an excuse that if my seniors carried my bag while climbing I wanted to go to bascamp. And he said yes, but that was just my excuse because I wasn't ready to meet the real P.

slowly just chatting and finally I forgot why maybe I changed the number and he also changed his cell phone so we weren't connected to each other at that time. and I think it's just a unique story of me having a crush on someone, but we're also friends on Instagram. until finally from lostcontact in 2018 and being connected again in 2023 I was very surprised how long was it? yes right 6 years dear. very strange but true. but I wonder why the old feelings of liking are growing again when we are connected again this year. actually he also said he likes and loves but I haven't said anything because his attitude is cool like a cold human character in a weebtoon story. I'm confused about understanding his character because I feel very de javu in 2019 I have an ex whose character is almost like him. my mistake was I was impatient with his busy life and finally I ended the relationship even though I wasn't finished with my feelings, it reminded me not to repeat previous regrets. until finally I know that I'm still childish because I don't want to understand people's situations. I'm often angry with P because he's slow to respond, but he's really busy working Monday-Friday, Saturdays and Sundays there are events-event he had to take care of. I feel like I'm back in 2019 one character but a different person, just follow the gameplay. but I'm sure he likes me if not I always want to cut off with him, he always prevents. actually I always float for joy when he gives an unexpected response despite his cool attitude. I know and have to understand because before he served as chairman of the organization, it means he has values that really attract people so that even in his work he will be total as well. just pray, dear, I will last forever with him.
I feel very heavy crush with him. I swear I really like him, O Allah, please grant it to me, amen.