Marriage is not a do or die affair

The journey into marriage isn't child's play; I grew up with this mentality, and this is the main reason why I won't settle for less. Marriage is a long-year journey, not just a funfair, where you go and return at will.

In my culture, the Yoruba tribe, once a child gets married, especially the females, they believe you don't have the right to return to your father's house again for life unless you come to visit your parents. As a lady, once you have a crashed marriage that led to divorce and you are out of your matrimonial house, the stigma of being divorced is already tagged as your name.

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Although it is advisable that once the marriage becomes toxic or there is no more love, tolerance, cooperation, and communication, such a marriage should be dissolved for the mental health of both parties, the society I belong to doesn't believe that.

My culture believes marriage is a do-or-die affair, and you will see women still enduring toxic marriages all in the name of keeping a family for the sake of their children. This, I believe, is possible if there is life. What if one dies in the process of enduring?

Marriage is to be enjoyed, but the mistake this generation is making is that they don't know who they are getting married to. These days, I see young folks as young as twenty-three and twenty-four years of age getting married because they are done schooling. A baby whom they are still spoon-feeding is getting married; what did one expect from such a marriage?

Marriage comes with maturity; one has to be physically, mentally, spiritually, and financially mature before thinking of getting married. Not just getting married because one is done schooling or because one's mates are all married. Taking one's time before getting married doesn't mean one won't get married; it's preparing oneself well enough for whatever will be faced in marriage.

Reasons for a Broken Home

Many factors contribute to broken homes in the present generation. First of all, there is incompatibility; love is crazy. I hear this word from everyone, but as crazy as love is, love isn't blind. Gone are the days when people agreed that love was blind; in the 21st century, love's eyes are widely opened. You would have seen some things that are pointers or red flags that this person isn't the right one for you, but because you believe that love is crazy and can change a person, you will continue to overlook all the pointers warning you not to fall into the pit.

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Another factor is lust; this is a very strong factor that one has to take note of. Many took lust for love, and this became a major problem later in their marriage. Sometimes ago, my mom asked me, "What are the qualities I would love to see in my man?" " I told her I loved tall, dark guys with six packs." She then asked me, "What if my future husband isn't the tall or six-pack type? Would I still love him?".

I became quiet because I needed a conviction in my heart before I could answer that question. The qualities I mentioned are what I love in men; if these qualities weren't there, then I would have to overrule what I liked earlier and adapt to the new ones I'm seeing, but did everyone have that grace?

As a man, you loved a slim, flat-tummy lady, and after getting married to your wife and she started giving birth, she became chubby with a protruded tummy. Would you still love her like you did when she was slim? If a man can't keep the love he had, then that's when the problem arises and the marriage begins to experience turbulence, which might lead to divorce. The same applies to women.

We lust after the physical appearances we can see, presently forgetting that all can change in time due to genetic factors or even unforeseen circumstances like accidents.

After experiencing divorce once or more, some decide to be single for life, and this has contributed to the single parents we have in our society today. For the sake of their mental health and peace of mind, some choose to be single. Well, that is their decision; those are the ones by choice. I've seen a woman whose marriage crashed due to infidelity on her husband's side, and she decided not to remarry. She has a son she is taking care of, and she is a single parent. In our last conversation, she told me she would prefer being single to being married again.

Above all, marriage is a beautiful experience, though it's not meant for everybody. But the ones who are opportune to get married should take good care of their homes and build a healthy family that would produce good children for society and the world at large.