A time to speak and a time to listen

_{photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦}

For some reason, I've come to notice that people tend to feel relaxed when they're around me and just open up about things they normally wouldn't tell anyone about. Back then I used to wonder why but someone had actually told me that there was something about me (maybe an aura), that just sort of reassures them that their secret is safe with me or that it's totally fine to unburden themselves on me.

And I used to love it (I still do), because to me, it just showed how much these people trust me to tell me about these things, and some of the things they talk about are really personal stuff, things I feel they shouldn't even be saying to me.

So it felt like a great honor or something. But you see, back then, I used to mistake them being open to me as a way of them wanting some kind of advise. So whenever they were done talking, I would go ahead to advise them or tell them what my thought were on the issue, without them asking, like a therapists talking to his client.

Although some of them needed my opinion on certain things, I soon found out that sometimes, people say things to you just because they want a listening ear, someone they could unburden themselves on, but not an advise. Because most times, all we need to feel better about something bothering us is to get it off our chest, and the only way we can do that is to talk to someone about it.

It's almost like ranting. Sometimes all we want to do is just rant, say that thing on our minds and by the time we're done, we walk away and start to feel better. Just because they're saying it to you doesn't always mean that they're seeking for an advise.

And that is why these days, what I do is wait and find out what that person truly wants. Are you seeking for an advise or do you just want me to listen to you talk.

Funny enough, I got to find out about this when I was talking to someone really close to me and all I wanted for them to do at that moment was to listen, but instead they had tried advising me and I saw myself getting angry, so I had to leave. That was when I realized that all I needed them to do at that moment was listen and not talk back.

I know it might sound dumb to some of you, but there are people out there who really feel this way and I just think it will be better for everyone to know when to do what.