WE 96: Foreign Foulness

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One of my favorite things in life is serendipitous coincidences and that is exactly what one of this week's weekend engagement prompts was all about. The little episode I'm about to share with all of you, my closest friends, I just had a long conversation about over coffee recently....now I didn't say it was the best conversation FOR coffee, but that is where the convo took place...lolol Most everyone who has spent some time following me on here, Discord, or in real life knows that I spent a decent amount of time living in Guyana and Suriname. It was one of the most amazing times of my life, but it was not without a few negative experiences.

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The wise and wonderful Mr. Galen always mentions something to the effect of "bonus for using your own pics" and I love that...unfortunately for what is to follow we should all fall on our knees and thank the heavens that no picture exists of the atrocities that occurred in my bowls that fateful night. However......in the spirit of the use of one's own photos I found a photo of myself from that general time period and another one from a year or so before....you're welcome, ladies! lolol Man, do I miss that thick luxurious mane I used to have! lolololo

So without further adieu, many many moons ago (circa 1995-1997) I had been living in South America and really experiencing all that region had to offer with regards to cuisine, culture, spirituality, folklore, and every other imaginable aspect of their daily lives. I was fully immersed in the community and I adored it! Of course when I first got in country I tried my best to follow the advisements of not drinking local water and making sure I washed fruits, vegetables, and containers with bottled water, but you forget about ice, you forget about soup water that maybe wasn't heated just enough, and sometimes it slips your mind when you grab a mango for the open air market. In the beginning by system was absolutely unprepared for the local way of food processing and their preparation style, even in restaurants. But even with my careful planning and precautions, I would develop stomach issues I assumed to be dysentery and occasionally food poisoning. After having lived there for several months, my body began to acclimate to the various elements and I would only have this issue every 6 weeks or so, and I felt this was more than a fair offering to be able to partake in such a rich and vibrant culture.

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Now for the particular incident that comprises the #weekend-engagement prompt. After having lived in Guyana for over a year, my mother and father, and couple of our business partners were flying in as they did from time to time and I had to travel to the capital city of Georgetown to pick them up from the airport and make sure they arrived at the hotel and got settled. We were booked at a fairly modern, "international" hotel. Let me say that for the most part if you stick to locally sourced and prepared food you are going to be amazed by the textures and flavors and not have any health issues at all, the same can not be said if you get the crazy idea of trying "american" food in a Guyanese hotel restaurant! lolol

I don't care how amazing the culture is, how amazing the food and drink are, or how welcoming the people are....sometimes you just really, really need a taste of "home" and THAT is where I made my mistake.

We made it to the hotel and once everyone was settled in and freshened up, we met back down at the hotel bar/restaurant. As I am sitting there perusing the menu of "american" fare I start to become a bit nostalgic for the beautiful "old" country and become enamored at the prospect of tasting some familiar flavor from home. So, began my frantic search for "home"....up and down each column of dish after dish until my glistening eyes laid upon the most beautiful sight (at the time) I had ever seen.....Macaroni and Cheese with Ham! I mean.....how could you go wrong!!???!!! What could be more American than mac and cheese with some ham in it? It was as if my entire life had been leading to the destiny of this exotic dish merging with my soul and I was ready! I greedily ordered my feast of mystic proportions and impatiently waited for it to arrive in all it's regal glory.

Thank goodness I was still drinking back then and was able to bide my time appropriately! It was very long before a large bowl of this creamy delight was set before me and I was able to deeply inhale the perfume of its cheddars(well processed cheeses I'm sure) and take in the glory of the ham cubes floating among the pasta and cheese sauce....wait....did I just say ham cubes??? Why, yes, yes I did say ham cubes and at the time I thought it was odd, but they looked similar in shape, size, and color to the type of chilled ham you get at salad bars in the U.S. so I assumed it was similar. I do remember the dish smelling slightly odd compared to what I am used to but so does EVERYTHING. For instance, you can by a coke...but it tastes a little different from coke from home. So I just chalked it up to that and got knee deep in this bowl with a table spoon and went to work on it. Towards the last couple of bites of the food I knew something was amiss. I knew I had made a horrible...horrible mistake! I felt that terrifying pang well all have learned to instinctually fear......food poisoning was coming.....a hell was coming with her!

Well the next 12 hours were a blur of excretions, expulsions, and I'm pretty sure an exorcism or two. Eruptions exploded from every imaginable orifices and even one or two I didn't know was possible! (can that really happen out your ear!?!?!?! lolol) Suffice it to say that it was many, many years before I could eat mac and cheese and I have NEVER, EVER been able to eat cubed ham again....like literally I have to turn my head and look away when walking past a salad bar...lololol

Of course similar situation occurred throughout my time living in that region but nothing of the magnitude of that night....it was the worst meal of my life and the worst case of food poisoning I've ever had by a factor of 10 or so ....lololol Well, thanks for allowing me to embarass myself with my old pictures and disgusting memory. Remember that I love you all and even though you all possess the power of greatness in you.....DO NOT order american food in a foreign country!!! lololol

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All That Is Gold Does Not Glitter,
Not All Those Who Wander Are Lost
-Tolkien

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