Campsite Cleanup #8: Westcliffe, Where I Went To Pace My Friend Who Was Running A 200-Mile Trail Race

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I was recently in Westcliffe, Colorado to share some overnight miles with a friend of mine who was participating in the Sangre de Cristo 200-Mile Endurance Run.

While in the area me and my inimitable yet oft-despicable Subaru, Yolo McFukitol, decided we might as well find ourselves a decent campsite to get drunk and pick up trash in.

So up Hermit Pass Road we went, hellbent on discovering something good and dirty and all littered up for the taking.

But despite our best efforts—me getting totally trashed on Bell's Two-Hearted American IPA, and YMF getting absolutely smashed on the intoxicating tunes of Heart's "Alone" pumping through his ancient speakers—we were only marginally successful.

The dearth of garbage here was likely due to the fact that this particular campsite was tiny, and perched on the side of a steep incline with no decent option for pitching a tent. Next time I will just bring a hammock.

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Normally I start out by taking pictures of each individual littered item but in this case I was feeling especially lazy so here is a shot of everything I found in my first pass. Of note is the red handkerchief, which is a first for me and these Campsite Cleanups, and the can of Beehive wheat, which at 4.4% ABV is barely worth drinking unless you're a recovering alcoholic like me trying to ease your way into a legendary relapse of skull-crushingly awesome proportions. If you're wondering what that black thing between the handkerchief and beer can is, it's a handle that holds two 16-oz. propane canisters together when you buy them at the store. It also doubles as litter.

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Firepits are always a good place for finding trash because for some reason at least here in Colorado idiot campers seem to associate firepits with trash cans. "It's fine just throw it in the firepit it'll get burnt up by the next campers," is apparently what goes through their little idiot heads. Anyway, I spy something that looks like broken glass and I spy something that looks like a packet of Ramen noodle seasoning. I wonder if that broken glass is sharp enough to kill myself with.

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There's the good shit now.

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Can't hide from me, bottle. Game over.

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Selections from my second pass. Cartridges, batteries, and of course a straw because why the hell not. Not sure what those weird strips of cardboardy stuff are, but my best guess is they're dried out french fries from some crappy fast food joint. Thankfully I was not nearly hungry enough to indulge.

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I didn't know trees needed mufflers. The things you learn out here.

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Perhaps this is just a very loud and obnoxious tree? I certainly didn't hear a peep out of it while I was camping. But I guess that's probably because it had that muffler.

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And that's the whole haul from Campsite Cleanup #8. Definitely not breaking any records, but it's better than nothing. Here's to hoping #9 will be a bit more interesting…

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9-29-21. Don't drink that beer, @brandt.