Beautiful Sunday - Watching The Days Go By

It's hard to define the journey of my life. I been tested for too long. Many times I was falling apart and broken. But the presence of God save me multiple times. I couldn't say if I did right or wrong, what I knew that I am not doing everything for myself. I am more focus to my family since I was a little girl. I didn't go with friends and I never enjoyed my childhood, my teenager and even my married life compared to what others had been through their life. I saw them easy living unlike me, I tried harder to get what we need. I am grateful to God that He guided me despite of all troubles in my heart that secretly hurting and hitting so badly. I never share my grievances to my family to avoid them to worry about me. I am so happy that I have friends to tell when the clouds of my life turned dark and heavy until it bursts like storm. Amidst from the storm and after the rain, it lightened the heavy burden and start to smile. I am grateful to someone that inspired me and got lesson learned based from our experiences in life.

Yesterday, loneliness filled my heart, sleeping earlier not doing my online daily routine. There's something lacking that I couldn't describe. Numbness visited my veins. Once again, I am grateful that I am here today with hope and prayers that everything will be alright.

Why I am Sad?

My son's life is under renovation and he needs me the most with my grandchildren. My sister who is a teacher earned a huge salary but she is not greedy, she supports everyone and she has health issue since childhood. Her life today is a bonus from God. We spent a lot of money, not from our parent but I helped her since then as she was taking care of my son during my absence.

Lately, all my siblings have health and personal issue. When my parent died, I thought that our trial had passed by but I am wrong. What bothered me is our younger brother, he is not enjoying his life like me, we helped our family with full of determination in our life to lift up our standard in life but we are stocked up and trapped despites our try to work harder. This is our life and I know God will reveal goodness to all of us. Sad to say that I am healthier than my siblings. I hope God will heal us and bless us.

Maybe, our weakness is we are not self centered person. We share what we had though we are also in needs. But for me, I don't care unless I rendered help to everyone as long as I have. We are just temporary in this world. What my heart fells happy I will do it.

I am waking up too early and all my words above are based on what I feel today. I am thankful that despite of their judgmental words about me, it never breaks me but I made it as vital weapon to be strong and be the strongest to face the world. I am not afraid telling the story of my life and hive became a friend of me especially @asean.hive and #hiveph listening my worries. It's not just a drama of my life. Tellng the truth is better than covering myself from reality.