PLAYING THE FOOL.

"It's better when people underestimate you."

Have you ever been in a position where you felt like a fool? A situation where every person around you assumes they know better than you did? You hear the sidetalks and whispers but choose to assume the position of a fool? Yeah, I have had those moments.

I used to hate being the fool. It does have some negative impact on your psyche if you're not careful, especially when you are being gaslighted regularly. It seems everyone knows everything before you do. You are unsure about yourself and your thoughts; you feel like a small fish in a big pond--overwhelmed.

At some point in my life, I made it my goal to prove people wrong. Everyone who had underestimated or belittled in any way. It was the fuel that drove me at some point and yes, I did channel all that resentment towards some positive things. However, I am getting older and my quest for revenge or lust for power has dwindled.

I still feel it a few times. Every time I try to be the bigger person, I hear that tiny voice in my head, 'you can be petty too.' Sometimes I regret it--being the bigger person in almost every situation, but I know deep down that I did the right thing.

The truth is I care but not about a lot of things. I don't care about being right or wrong (and that can be a dangerous thing sometimes). I think a lot of people live within this rigid dichotomy and they often become the things they hate.

I think when you begin to care less about certain things in life you tend to see the buffoonery in some of our pursuits and you can cater for that whilst achieving your goals.

So what I am saying in essence is that I honestly do not care if anyone thinks highly or poorly of me, as long as we can work together to achieve whatever it is that we want to achieve, I am good. So if it entails being the fool in that type of situation, I am perfectly fine with it.

Not everyone can treat you with the respect and dignity you deserve. However, coming from a place where none of that matters, I have learnt to navigate through life caring little about those things.

I shared a story a couple of days ago about an Uber driver who probably earns as much as a bank manager in this part of the world. His job doesn't afford him as much dignity and respect that would be according to a bank manager but in the end none of that matters.

What really matters? Well, I will say it all boils down to what you care about. To me, it might be freedom, while in your case it might be respected. Our value system determines how we project ourselves to the world.

For me, I think I have found my place and that comes with a level of contentment and certainty most people cannot afford. While they are constantly posturing and validating their existence through silly things, I know my place and goal.