RE: I'd Like to Take This Moment to Apologize For My Face
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Absolutely some didn't. I wouldn't describe it that way, no. It's very difficult to put into words, so I often use some sort of symbolism to describe an experience that is not translatable into words.
Long row to hoe for me from the get go, difficult enough, but was the foundation necessary for what I experienced in that 2013/14 time period, a time when everything was stripped away from me, complete loss of any sense of self, a complete loss of interest in the world, not at all a depression, although several tried to say that was what it was (like I don't know what depression feels like, LOL), so I stopped speaking about it.
So fumbling around like that. To give it a visual image, like walking in complete darkness through a maze of caverns where you can see nothing, feel nothing, no sense of self whatsover. Yet the darkness is not empty and I knew this the entire time, yet on went the fumbling. Interacting with the outside world, other people, it was like being an actor playing a role, could clearly see that. Totally bizarre experience while going through this fumbling.
The only answer I would get from inside was to keep going, just keep going. So I did. Months of that until I came to the last thing I was holding onto, clinging, or perhaps put as something I didn't want to control of go. Final hurdle at the bottom. Felt like standing on the edge of a cliff then, the question being can I let go and jump, or am I going to keep clinging to this one thing I've held for all my life that I can recall. I let go, jumped off the cliff so to speak. Oh what a thing, what a thing indeed. Shifted everything instantly, end of darkness, end of not knowing what the real "I" is, dropping of the curtain, can't see the world the same way at all anymore since that. Can't go back and wouldn't want to anyway.
Those caverns. I might have painted that a few times. Here's maybe one example. Can see the light at the end of the tunnel in that one. And maybe this would explain where my head was at when I was hitting the reset button. I don't talk about my life much so all there is are these bits and pieces; like a puzzle I guess.
Mine had no colour at all, not really black, just dark with no indication of colour or even tones.
I like that. Thank you for linking me to your posts. Far more enjoyable than my selecting what to read.
Thanks for spending the time talking and stuff while I was busy trying to figure things out. That helped.
Always enjoyable to chat with you and if I can help anyone in any way that's a big bonus in my eyes.
Again, been away, dealing with some things, working through stuff. Last three months brought things to my door to deal with. Finally feeling like myself again and sense of humor restored. Now I have to catch up with what I've missed.