I Was Going To Be A Father Who Needed To Be Fathered
Hi guys!
It's been a while since I came here but now that I'm back, it's for good and to stay. For real, there is no place like home. #hivenaija is home away from home.So, friends lets make this space where we all cherish and support.
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This week's prompt is one that needs a crucial view to be able to crack it. The tale is a sweet-sad one but it's fine that I share it for other younger folks to learn
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I have looked all over the nooks and crannies of cities and towns of Nigeria, I mean, those places I have been opportune to visit, and one thing I see is the level or high number of very young people who have become parents, when themselves needed to be under their own parents, to be fed, clothed and housed. Hence, I wish to iterate here that parenting is not meant for children. It comes with a lot of responsibilities which must be observed with cursory and will, to nurture the offspring from what we call marriage.
It is with the foregoing premise that I told Ella that we can't keep the baby. We were just undergraduates that were hypnotized by our emotions.
I met Ella immediately during the Industrial Attachment (IT) programme while we were at our semis at the university. She was so energetic, brilliant, courteous and beautiful (I'm not exaggerating it). Her beauty cannot be overlooked. We started by being colleagues in a law firm at Allen avenue, Ikeja. After work we would board the same bus to Maryland and then move in different directions.
One of the work days, we decided to eat out together at a popular restaurant where I told her how I have been feeling towards her. She was not shocked because she had been feeling the same towards me likewise. This was how our love journey began.
It was our first time keeping a romantic relationship. I can tell you, it was a sweet experience. Ella loves popping up with surprises, she was the active partner while I am only reserved but collected.
After our industrial attachment and return to campus for full academic work, we started to keep our distance not because we weren't on good terms but because it's our final year and we have to commit to our first research work and to prepare for the final lap of our degree programmes. We decided to see each other on the weekend but we often chat via social media.
We stayed back on campus after the harmattan semester examination during the Christmas holidays. It was during that stay that we did what I termed sacred which resulted in pregnancy.
We Were Not Ready
Christmas and the new year celebrations had ended and we were already pursuing the Final Year Brethren Week Ella broke the most heartbreaking news I ever received.
Hi Andy. I missed my monthly flow again. I think I am pregnant.
Jisos, you say what?. My head spinned that it went out of alertness for a moment. In the long run we decided to meet and discuss it.
It was that we agreed to terminate the pregnancy. Ella's parents will be so disappointed if she comes home carrying a pregnancy and not a degree. Mine too would be mad for the sake that it wasn't just the next thing we had planned. But in the middle of all was Ella's safety. The services of a qualified medical doctor would be needed and we did get one.
There were only two options to terminate it. Either pills or D&C (dilation and curettage). We chose the D&C procedure which was painful.
As I sat on the metal chair in the reception, several thoughts ran through my mind. I was looking at every corner where there was a door to see if Ella was emerging. It took almost an hour before she came out. As she walked towards me, leaping and carrying her legs with the pain written all over her face, I feared the more. It was at this moment that I reflected on the need to caution my youthful exuberance. Perhaps, this wouldn't have happened if I had tamed my emotions.
Sexual relationships are hazardous. If one is not prepared (psychologically, financially and emotionally), and if one must engage in such a relationship, protected intercourse while putting unwanted pregnancy in the fore should be practiced. That is if one can not abstain.
It was a huge mistake on our path. We allowed our emotions to cloud our reasoning. After that nasty experience, Ella became indifferent about sexual intercourse until we finally called off the relationship. She got married and has kids (my guilt was lifted) and I also got married and have kids too.
Though, terminating it was our only option, we thought that we ought to have been more careful. We paid our dues and won't allow ourselves to be a victim again.
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This is in answer to the #hivenaija weekly prompt. Perhaps you want to share your personal views, kindly read the rules here.
@cool08, @tozill, @quduus1......, I think you'd like this.
What a sad take, you're right, sexual relationships require discipline and preparedness.
And that procedure is risky. I can imagine the mental torture she went through.
Thank you for sharing
What I am glad about is the fact that she did experience any complications afterward. Such mistakes won't happen to me again....... In had to live with the reality after that experience with Ella. Romantic relationship if not intended to lead to marriage may become a thorn in one's flesh.
You're very right
Wow. You shared your experience. It's so sad that you had to endure this but our experiences makes us wiser. Thank you for participating 😊
It did. I wouldn't be making such a mistake anymore having found how traumatic it was to even think and manage the whole process of being an unprepared father.
I see you'd rather consider terminating the bay than dealing with the difficulties to follow. It's a hard choice, still. And I understand the perspective.
Personally, I fear abortions. Some women lose their fertility that way.
Thank you for contribution.
That mistake was a life lessons that would live with me, presumably with Ella for the rest of our lives. It wasn't intended and we weren't just prepared.
I'm glad that Ella had no complications after the process of terminating the abortion.
Like they say experience is d great teacher in life. Learning a lot from you @mrenglish
I think Nigerian need to remove that thinking of your mate as start giving birth, our population keep growing everyday without no means of feeding. That's a sad thing to experience and would really hurt you guys feelings toward each other. Well thank God she is married and now have kids other the guilt won't leave..... Hope you and Ella still talk once in a while though? Thanks for sharing
Yeah. Ella and I are in talking terms. You gave another side to this fact.
That's nice to know
I admire your decision sir even though it was a tough one, going into childbearing unprepared is a difficult thing that shouldn't be attempted.
Sharing your personal story brought more life to the topic, good to know there were no complications after.
Thanks, @george-dee.
Sometimes, we just have to take some decision that would better our tomorrow. I am glad we did.
It was a sad experience, but overall good that you learned your lesson. I'm curious to know; you and Ella still in touch?
Your academics, parental judgement, and not ready to take up a responsibility at the start of your career was actually the consideration. Everyone has their reasons for taking an action but abstinence is always the best if one isn't ready to father a child.
Thanks for sharing, glad you're all happily married now
This was so risky. No one would advice anyone to terminate pregnancy. Although it was for the good of the two of you.