Always give people the benefit of the doubt

Few sundays ago, I was to meet up with a female friend in an eatery. It wasn't a typical date. She was to go there in the company of her female friend but when I learned of it through our chat, I promised to join them.

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Well, I didn't know how interested she was in my coming, so I wasn't so Keen on going. But due to the fact that I missed her and really wanted to see her, I still wanted to go, howbeit reluctantly.

I would have simply stopped by the eatery after church service, since she was already there by the time my church closed for service. Her church do dismisses before mine.

That wouldn't have been the first time of seeing her on that exact spot on a sunday. Most times I do stop by after church service and go home afterwards since my house isn't too close to the eatery. But on this particular sunday, I decided to get home first and get everything done before going to meet her. I guess it was due to my double mindedness which was caused by the fact that I couldn't tell if my presence was really needed by her.

The fact is, this person is no stranger to me. Infact she is the closest female friend I've got. She is quite special to me. I just couldn't spot that obvious keenness in the tone of the conversation we had prior to the purported meeting. I do pick up these signals, but on this particular occasion, I couldn't tell.

This was the kind of vibes I got;

"hmmmm.... no problem you can come if you want to".

That appears like the person is saying;

"I don't really care if you come, but since you want to, you may".

Mind you, she didn't speak any of those words but that was the vibes I got. Though it turned out that I was being assumptive.

Now; I'm a person who wouldn't want to hang out with someone who doesn't really need me around. Being needed is a big deal to me. If it isn't a business meeting then it shouldn't be based on a sense of obligation or consideration. It should be about two adults being excited over meeting each other. That air of excitement is what I couldn't pinpoint.

After learning of her presence in the eatery, I requested to know when she was planning to leave the premises, but I got no clear answer from her. She simply said that she doesn't know.

I assumed that she would be there till late in the evening since she informed me of going there with some books to read.

I took my time and finished up all I had to do. Afterwards I freshened up before slipping my slim self into a neat dress that looked nice to me. I felt comfortable in it. I didn't fail to ensure that I looked good and smelled nice.

Just as I started making my way to the eatery, I checked my phone only to notice that she had earlier dropped a message which was meant to inform me that she'll be making an exit.

Heaven knows I didn't see that message the time it came. I would have pleaded that she waits for some more minutes. That would have bought me the needed time to make my way there. Obviously, I was engrossed in whatever I was doing.

The message was already over 30 minutes late, as at the the time I saw it. I knew that it would take more than a miracle for her to still be in the eatery. She couldn't have waited for that long without getting a reply from me. Anyways, I scolded her for not calling me instead. But that's by the way.

As soon as I got the message, I dialed her number. I wasn't too surprise when she informed me that she was already at her doorstep, I even overheard her mum welcoming her home.

All my dapperness and suaveness amounted to nothing. what a waste of cuteness!

Surprisingly, my friend scolded me for not coming. She acted angry, I had to resort to pleadings while trying to improvise possible means of making it up to her. She turned down all my attempts, on the premise that she doesn't want me to spend unnecessarily. That was because I asked her to come out again, with a promise of sponsoring her fare. I also opined that I show up in her area, so we could find a location to hang out around there. She mentioned that, that would be too expensive since her place is really far from mine. She however accepted a date on another date. And we made it spectacular.

Something however happened on the day I missed the supposed date, and that's even what inspired this whole rant.

After she might have expressed her anger over my action, I called her to further plead for leniency, but she didn't pick up the phone.

I called twice without getting an answer. She however answered the third time, just when I was on the verge of giving up.

She later informed me that she wasn't close to her phone because she was seeing off an aunt who visited.

I had reasons to believe that it was a deliberate action on her part, due to the squabble we had. How wrong I would've been!

I would have gotten angry myself, since I believed that it wasn't entirely my fault.

I could have said this to myself;

"Why is she even overreacting to the point of refusing to answer my calls? Despite the fact that it wasn't entirely my fault, I'm yet trying to make things right. Why is she acting this way?".

My ego could've gotten the better of me, I would have chosen not to appear weak and powerless. I would have opted to protect my pride.

Pride, ego and power-game is what doesn't count for me, where relationship is concern. I don't mind appearing vulnerable to a person I love. Infact I believe a person that's not ready to appear vulnerable is not ready to love and be loved.

If I had gone ahead with those instincts, the little squabble would have graduated into a full blown quarrel.

Imagine her later calling me and me refusing to answer the call because I want to either prove a point, score a point or get even. Imagine how dirty the fight would've gotten, simply because of false assumptions cum absurd conclusions.

We must not be assumptive or act solely based on some unsubstantiated suspicion.

No matter how clear the evidence seems, it's yet safe that we give people the benefit of the doubt.

Nothing wrong in delaying your judgement.

You can't be wrong in exercising patience and refusing to act immediately.

There are many beautiful relationships that have broken over squabbles that arose from assumptions.

Flee pettiness.

Believe the best of people."

I prefer being wrong in the process of believing the best of someone, to allowing a beautiful union to go down the drain on the basis of assumptions.

Always give people the benefit of doubt, you'll never be wrong doing so.