Loyalty vs Morality; When A Secret Becomes A Burden

I have been in this situation for the past years of my life, feeling guilty. At some point of my life, i felt i was doing the wrong thing because i was hiding the truth from my parents, at the same time....i had to take it to God in prayers. But yet it felt like there was no results.

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Growing up as a child, i was close to my maternal family than my paternal family. My cousins from my mother side usually come over for holiday and we usually visit them too.

I had a very close male cousin of mine, he was 25 years old then, he was a business man. He was very close to me that he usually entrust me with his secrets and things bothering him. My cousin is this simple, quiet and gentle person, he doesn't love problems and because of this, he can easily be bullied.

One day, my cousin wasn't happy, but he was faking everything, both the smile and the laughter... I couldn't help but noticed that something is wrong with him, so i decided to ask him about it.
He had to tell me to promise him never to tell anyone.... therefore he said it should be a secret between both of us.

This thing that he told me was between life and death, i was scared......what if para venture he dies, will i be put to blame...i was very worried, i prayed for God to direct me on what to do, But yet i didn't see any direction.... I cried that he shouldn't die because of this.

Most times when i am in school, he will call me and tell him that he is really passing through a lot of plains... And then i will beg him to allow me to tell my parents and his parents....but yet he refused
I felt that because he was a big guy, that he knew how to take care of himself and how to handle the case.

I was just worried about his condition if he was going to die. And because of this secret, i didn't know what to do...but i took it to God in prayers
But days after days, the condition worsen and he was hospitalized.....and then this secrets became a very big burden to me.

Few months later, i got a call that my cousin is dead😧😭 how!!!! I shouted, infact i freezed, i was speechless for several days....i blamed myself for the death because i felt that maybe, if i had told my parents, then something would have definitely been done, but i didn't know that he was going die.

Guilt was all over me and I regretted keeping it has a secrets...and then i got over the blame and i am okay now.... I felt i didn't do the right thing enough, this was a secret of life and death but then i didn't see it coming....

I couldn't do anything, i was confused, I didn't have any direction. So i vowed that there is nothing in this life that will make me keep such secrets anymore.
I regretted everyday of my life for following his advice because i have missed him so much ❤️

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