It's Not All Bad, it's How You Choose to Use it.
Don't be negative
I have a friend who shares lots of positive words and memes. I always get the gist behind them, however, occasionally I don't always entirely agree with them. You see I don't necessarily believe that there is only good advice and bad advice, it can depend entirely on the way someone being given the advice chooses to take and use it. For example, this quote from Bruce Lee:
Don't speak negatively about yourself, even as a joke. Your body doesn't know the difference...
So the general gist is sound. It does no-one any good to constantly be negative about themselves, but done in jest I don't think it is necessarily a bad thing and I believe your body does know the difference because it's the intent rather than the words which make the difference. Firstly, when made into a joke you know at this point you aren't being as serious about it. It doesn't hurt to acknowledge your weaknesses and faults. From there you can either work on them or, if they really aren't something you can change, you learn to accept them and become okay with them. Secondly, joking about them can signal to others that you are aware of them and okay with them, which can cut off negative criticism from others or just let them know it's not something they need to be concerned about. Admittedly, this is something of a defense mechanism, but it's less toxic to those around you (and ultimately yourself) than one where you are constantly trying to prove yourself.
The problem with constantly trying to prove yourself is that it can lead to always competing with those around you and having to win or gain the upper hand in everything. This can be belittling to others and come across as arrogance. Eventually it's going to drive everyone away, so it doesn't hurt to be a little humble at times.
Joking about yourself in a negative way can also be therapeutic, because it pulls it away from seriousness and into the realm of humour. From there you can more easily work towards becoming more positive in your thought processes towards yourself.
It could be worse
Something else that people have been pulling up as unhelpful in recent years has been our tradition of saying that others have it worse. This has been a piece of advice given for years as an attempt to help people struggling to put things in a different perspective. I guess it's a way of saying things cold be worse, so try to be grateful for the good in our lives instead and push through the hard times.
I don't know if to many parents used it as a tactic to get their children to eat what's on their plate because worse off children would be grateful for even that. So I think the new argument is that we shouldn't belittle or dismiss our own traumas, otherwise how do we heal from them? My daughter would often tell me off in this regard. Recently she did so again after praising how well I've survived what I've been through when I said I didn't think I'd been through that much especially compared to some. I'm not sure what she meant about doing well, not giving myself completely over to depression or immensity maybe...🤔 Anyway, I finally found the words to explain why I do it and how it helps me. In the simplest terms, knowing that others have been through much worse and come out the other side gives me the inspiration to know that I too can survive what life theirs nny way and come the other side. I can tell myself that I will get through this and figure out a more positive approach.
Being master of your destiny
Often everything is about perspective and how you choose to approach things. Have I had a hard life? According to some, yes, according to others it's probably been easy peasy. Often we deal with what life throws our way because we have no other choice. We rise to the challenge or we let it take over us and hope someone catches us when we fall. Unfortunately, not everyone is lucky enough to have someone to catch them, so they learn to catch themselves or they drown.
When the fight becomes really hard, having others who rely on you or need you around can be the thing that helps you to keep on fighting. You can't just give in because you're not just sacrificing yourself at this point, you're sacrificing them as well.
We also all have different challenges to face. I could listen to someone else's challenges and marvel at how they managed pull through and they, in turn, could think the same about the challenges I've faced. Either that or they could say "that's nothing, I've dealt with way worse! What are you even sniveling about?" which can then either be used as a kick to pull myself out of self pity or used as an excuse to wallow some more and call myself useless.
I'm not always the best at it, but as much as possible I try to find the positive in any situation. It's what helps to keep me afloat.
Are there any pieces of advice that you've always disliked or perhaps liked when others think it's bad?
I write a lot of positive articles and I feel so happy that another blogger is also spreading positivity.
I agree that there is a silver lining in every cloud and we are the master of our destiny. Following you now and do check out my blog.
I try to go with positivity as much as possible. Sometimes it's a fight with myself, though.
I am tired of the fight. All my life was fight, straight from the beginning. Being born as a premature child with multiple disabilities. Being bullied. Being hit by an abusive (step)father. Having to escape from him. Living under the minimum wage. Being homeless multiple times. Losing my mother to brain tumor (cancer) just one week before the Christmas of 2017. Living alone. Spending my 29th birthday alone (2021.09.17). Sometimes I feel like I have to endure the sufferings of hundreds of people.
I still have hope. I have happines in life. My Harris's hawk is currently at the vet (probably until the weekend), so I am currently completely alone, but I live with her. Not even my own brother care about me. I called him on the phone on Friday in the previous week, telling him that it felt bad that he did not visited me on my birthday, and that it would be good, if he could visit me in the weekend. He still did not visited me since then.
Some people say that it would be good to live alone. They probably do not know what they are saying. Once they would experience how it feels to live alone for years, then they would probably change their viewpoint/opinion about this. Maybe it is good for a short time, but not for years.
I lived for more than 20 years with my brother, but nowadays he lives with another family. None of them tied to him by blood, but he still lives with them. Even if I was angry at him for what he done to my in 2018, it would still be good to live with him again.
Sorry for pouring my heart into this comment on the Hive blockchain. I really do not have anyone to speak with about this.
Have a nice day. All the best. Greetings from Hungary.
You don't need to apologise. There is nothing I can say to make things any better for you, but you're welcome to pour your heart out.
We are social creatures and being alone for any length of time is not good for anyone. Even the most introverted of us needs company as much as alone time.
Stay strong. ❤
I try my best.
The weird part is the fact that complete strangers care about me more than my own brother. Actually my brother does not really care about me. He come to me, when he need something or when I say that I give something to him. But when I need (or even simply would be happy about) something (even as simple as a simple visit), he simply does not care about me.
I write "simple visit", because we live approximately 14 kms away from each other, and we even travel on the same bus to/from Szolnok (the nearest city), so he is not far away. And since 2021.11.01 there is a new bus achedule, and the buses are coming more often. He still does not visit me.
Sounds like someone I know. I'm guessing he went through similar experiences to you growing up? It could be his way to try and escape that.
Yes! I agree! These little sayings may seem sound, at face value, but they're actually terrible advice. I hate the expression a child is not listening! Oh they listen. But do they obey? They hear what is being asked but choose to do what they want. And comparing one trauma or tragedy against another is wrong. We each survive what we do. Some truly do have it worse but it doesn't negate another's sufferings. Valuable post @minismallholding! Thought provoking. I hope you have given many "food for thought" (I like that expression because our minds should really chew over things ;)
I heard something better said than a child is not listening, which I believe is more accurate. A child/teen may seem like they aren't listening, but they are. So say it anyway, it will be there for them when they are ready for it, giving them time to chew it over.
Great to see this post so well rewarded. You have a perceptive mind; I'm glad others are getting a chance to enjoy it too.
Thank you Matt. I do wonder if sometimes I get a little lost in that mind, though. 😆
Nice blog! :)
Thanks for the question and revealing your thoughts about being humorous about own flaws.
I cannot so much think of advice, it gets blurry in my memories. It's more that I found people helpful when they talked less. Instead, they gave a helping hand in practical things. Or just listened, throwing in a good question here and there.
Certainly I received advice and the one which angered me the most were probably the one I needed the most. Though I am not saying that any advice from any person would resonate with me. For if they tried to teach me really hard about something which was not even an issue of mine, it got ridiculous and ended in a confused fight. I lost one friendship in this way, but I am not regretful. I think we did each other a favor of not pretending in wanting to meet the obviously totally differing needs and interests. If friendships only consist of duty, they fail in my experience.
... Oh, now I remember an advice from the gynaecologist, who once told me during my pregnancy (long ago) that "it would be good if I came to terms with the fact of being pregnant". I was stunned, as I had believed that I had only positive feelings about the subject. But my constant complaining and nagging during this time said otherwise. "Putting up with something" was something I had encountered before and it always made me very angry or offended when I was told such things. Well, it will have had its justification. I can be a knee-biter and a nuisance sometimes. HaHa!
But I also learned that even within my worst qualities there is something good to be found about. Being persistent is sometimes a saver for me. I must have learned that one cannot always achieve what one needs with being nice. Sometimes you've got to get on peoples nerves in order to get a say or something you need for your profession, household or live.
Usually, comparing the experienced miseries - which were worse, your or mine? - is useless. Unless, you joke about it! Yes :)
I find that's often the way. Truth often hurts, but sometimes you need to hear it. I feel this can be applied to fun teasing as well. When someone's teasing you about something that you're comfortable with, it's a joke, but when they tease about something that bothers you, then it feels more like bullying.
I never thought about it in that way. Funny!
I think though, teasing is teasing, usually people tease when they got to know each other a while, otherwise you maybe not be allowed to make a twinkled comment.
... You could be right on the other hand, if it's done by someone I am not acquainted with, it might feel like an insult, where I don't get the humor or my perception is ignoring signs like a smile etc. ... Oooor, I stubbornly want to remain mad and sad. I oftentimes asked people here positively oriented questions, while some welcome them, others reject being asked questions which point towards their good potentials. I myself find that strange.
Usually I meet seriousness with seriousness and humor with humor. But sometimes, it enhances a conversation when I achieve to tickle out the humor out of a too earnest person, or to inspire a tendentious buffoon to express some deeper thoughts.
I like it being done to me. How about you?
It probably also depends on your frame of mind at the time of teasing. If it's the wrong time of month then I don't take anything very well. 😆
To your question: I can't think of anything off the top of my head.
But... I do have some comments about your post.
The Bruce Lee quote, "that's why it's called spelling" just blew my mind 🤯 Lol. Never thought of that before.
Also, I agree with this:
Being real with ourselves can spur positive change, as long as we focus on transforming the negative energy we feel into positive energy.
For example, if met with the thought:
"I have a lot to learn before I'm an expert in (said thing)"
We can choose to say:
"I'm no good at this. I should just stop trying."
Or we can choose to say:
"I'm getting better at this every day! Soon, I'll be an expert!"
How we frame it is up to us. And regarding this...
Our experience of life is relative. We're each human and have similar capacities for emotion. How much we've been through can add a certain level of tolerance, but tolerance is not reflective of experience.
For instance, if I drink alcohol every day it will take more alcohol for me to get drunk than for someone of the same gender with the same bodyweight who's never had a drop before. The same is true for certain levels of stress.
The experience of those two people is completely different. It doesn't matter if you tell the person puking up their guts that "they didn't drink as much as you" - because it doesn't change their experience one bit. And the same is true with our emotions. If we force-fed them more alcohol, they could die.
That's why empathy is so important. No matter what side of the spectrum of "tolerance" a person is on.
Loved this! Love your clear writing style and humble spirit!
That's a fantastic analogy and gives me another perspective. Thanks for dropping by and adding to this.
Thanks! And you're welcome. :)