[ING/ESP] BETWEEN THE PERSPECTIVES OF LIFE || ENTRE LAS PERSPECTIVAS DE LA VIDA

𝐇𝐞𝐲, 𝐇𝐢𝐯𝐞

BETWEEN THE PERSPECTIVES OF LIFE

^{Drawing made by me to represent the story}

I walked discouraged, I felt itching in different parts of my body and the closer I got to the school the more I wanted to vomit, I wanted to go home, but I couldn't. I had missed a whole week, I didn't want to see her. I had missed a whole week, I didn't want to see her, but my parents got tired of seeing me in the darkness of my room, so they forced me to go back to school.

Every step quickened my pulse, everything seemed to remain the same, people no longer paid attention to me, there was no laughter directed towards me, however I felt all their eyes on my back, pointing at me, making me feel unhappy.

I opened my locker, it was close to hers, but I didn't see her, had she been attending classes? Surely yes, she is the queen of this high school, and as she made me understand, she would never suffer from lovesickness.

I felt very hot as I walked through the corridors, thirst whipped my throat mercilessly and the fingers of my hands trembled. I had to be strong, even if I missed her, even if I fell in love. I remembered her laughter and pouting, she had become the charismatic presence that brightened my mornings. She had jet-black hair like the dense nights, eyes as blue as the sky in the summer and a smile that calmed my anxiety.

Why had he captured my heart? Although I loved his physique, it wasn't something that kept me by his side. Maybe her bad jokes, or the temperance she had in difficult moments, could have been how submissive she was behind her façade of strength, but I was sure my feelings bloomed just as she cried in front of me, letting herself be seen for the first time as she was: a simple high school girl.

I walked into the classroom with insecurity reflected on my face, I saw her sitting in her old seat, among the usual friends and they were laughing at something, or someone. I wanted her to see me, but she didn't look up at me. I walked over to my seat of the last three years, and now it looked depressed, she would no longer be right up front to make me laugh. I was glad we were in our senior year, because this unrequited love I felt in my chest made me want to kill myself, how sad that I didn't.

The class passed in tense silence, it seemed like every member was aware of what was going on, and at the same time it was as if it was of no consequence. The temptation to look at her lurked from the back of my neck, it was a constant thought that made me angry; when my eyes wandered without permission to that beautiful image of her presence, the urge to cry hit me.

That ex who was still her friend was putting his arm around her, his gaze collided with mine and he smiled at me with such mockery that I wanted to hit him. He came over and kissed her in a quick way and then guffawed, I averted my gaze instantly, I couldn't see her face, it was surely one of satisfaction, and she had played with my emotions enough, I was fed up.

I got up and walked out of the classroom, leaving behind the first love of my life.

I had arrived early to high school, the last thing I wanted was to run into him in the hallways, I felt guilty, besides, I loved him, I loved him madly. But we were worlds apart. The sunlight filtered through the bathroom windows, it was so incandescent that it hurt my eyes, but it was nothing compared to the pain in my chest.

I had been sitting on the wall of the sink for an hour, watching the inert movement of my feet, it was mesmerizing. Every minute was a cumulus of strength to face what was coming, I had missed classes, but surely not him, since he is one of the smartest in the classroom; I felt so ashamed to cross those corridors and enter the classroom after having broken his heart, that I had hidden all the last week at my grandparents' house to cry at ease.

It was really stupid to have accepted the challenge of spending three days next to the class asocial, but more ridiculous was when I could not leave his side, he was so attractive in so many ways, I liked his tone of voice, how he walked with confidence, he was not too expressive but his actions so attentive made me tremble with emotion, I had never experienced that strong crush for someone.

We dated for two months, which seemed like a lifetime. But circumstances forced me to stay away, because of my bad behavior I was in a lot of trouble that could end up hurting him, so I preferred to end whatever it was between us, because if anyone was going to suffer, it should only be me.

When the bell rang, I ran with a fake smile to the classroom, I wasn't ready to see him yet, but I've never been ready for anything in my life. I was surprised to arrive before him, I was walking towards that stall I had become accustomed to until the shouts of those imbeciles I called friends warned me of my mistake, I laughed to lighten my failure and sat down in that place that only held grudges and revenge.

They began to laugh at each other, typical of the last few years.

They started to laugh at each other, typical of the last few years, I felt overwhelmed, would he come? I hoped not, but I hoped he would. I wanted to see him, I needed to see him. If I concentrated I could feel the strands of that brown hair that was silkier than mine, and if I closed my eyes I could feel that slow breathing near my neck that calmed my frantic thoughts.

I was smiling at the memory of him when I felt his presence cross the threshold of the door, my breathing stopped, I was afraid to see him, and that his eyes would accuse me of how insensitive I had been in leaving him. My excuses were not enough for him to forgive me. I sensed how he sat in his usual place, and I felt so sad not to be there, to provoke that smile that was also reflected in those amber eyes that harmonized his face.

The class was boring, almost no one was paying attention and I felt a tension in my neck that made me itch. I was all that time observing his posture, he was so manly, but I felt him so distant, he really seemed broken, and it was just my fault. I felt an arm resting on top of me, that idiot thought he still had the confidence to be close, my smile didn't reflect the same as my look, but he wasn't watching me, he seemed to be having a fight from a distance.

My stomach turned when I realized what was happening, wasn't it enough what I had done to him? Now this stupid man wanted to take advantage of the situation, I was about to insult him when he suddenly approached me and stole a kiss, everything stopped for a moment, and the squeak of a chair sliding away altered my emotions.

I could see his back moving away, he was the love of my life, the one I loved madly, he was leaving, he was leaving me behind and I deserved it, even if I didn't want him to. I got up from the chair, however, my head was telling me to stay put even though my heart dictated otherwise.

I sighed.

It was time to let go, my first real love.

𝐇𝐞𝐲, 𝐇𝐢𝐯𝐞

ENTRE LAS PERSPECTIVAS DE LA VIDA

^{Hice este dibujo como representación de la historia}

Caminaba desanimado, sentía picazón en distintas partes del cuerpo y mientras más me acercaba al instituto más ganas de vomitar tenía, quería regresar a casa, pero no podía. Había faltado una semana entera, no quería verla, pero mis padres se cansaron de verme en la oscuridad de mi habitación, así que me impusieron volver a clases.

Cada paso me aceleraba el pulso, todo parecía seguir igual, las personas ya no me prestaban atención, tampoco había risas dirigidas hacia mí, sin embargo sentía todas sus miradas a mi espalda, señalándome, haciéndome sentir desdichado.

Abrí mi casillero, estaba cerca al de ella, pero no la vi. ¿Habrá estado asistiendo a clases? Seguramente sí, es la reina de esta preparatoria, y como bien me lo hizo entender, jamás sufriría de mal de amores.

Sentía mucho calor al caminar por los pasillos, la sed azotaba mi garganta sin piedad y los dedos de las manos me temblaban. Debía ser fuerte, aunque la extrañara, aunque me haya enamorado. Recordaba sus risas y sus pucheros, se había convertido en la carismática presencia que iluminaba mis mañanas. Tenía el cabello azabache como las noches densas, los ojos tan azules como el cielo en el verano y una sonrisa que calmaba mi ansiedad.

¿Por qué me habrá flechado el corazón? Aunque me encantaba su físico, no era algo que me mantuviera a su lado. Quizás sus malos chistes, o la templanza que tenía en momentos difíciles, pudo ser lo sumisa que era detrás de su fachada de fortaleza, pero estaba seguro de que mis sentimientos florecieron justo cuando lloró frente a mí, dejando verse por primera vez como era: una simple chica de preparatoria.

Entré al aula de clases con la inseguridad reflejada en mi rostro, la vi sentada en su antiguo puesto, entre los amigos de siempre y se reían de algo, o de alguien. Quise que me viera, pero no levantó su mirada hacia mí. Me acerqué a mi asiento de los últimos tres años, y ahora se veía depresivo, ya ella no estaría justo al frente para hacerme reír. Me alegraba que estuviéramos en nuestro último año, porque este amor no correspondido que sentía en mi pecho me hacía querer matarme, que triste que no lo hacía.

La clase transcurrió en un silencio tenso, parecía que todos los miembros eran conscientes de lo que ocurría, y al mismo tiempo era como si no fuera de importancia. La tentación de mirarla acechaba desde mi nuca, era un pensamiento constante que me hacía enojar; cuando mis ojos se dirigieron sin permiso a aquella imagen tan hermosa de su presencia, las ganas de llorar me impactaron.

Aquel ex que aún era su amigo estaba rodeándola con su brazo, su mirada chocó con la mía y me sonrió con tanta burla que deseé golpearlo. Él se acercó y la besó de manera rápida y luego se carcajeó, desvíe mi mirada al instante, no pude ver su rostro, seguro era de satisfacción, y ella ya había jugado bastante con mis emociones, estaba harto.

Me levanté y salí del aula, dejando atrás al primer amor de mi vida.

Había llegado temprano a la preparatoria, lo último que quería era encontrarme con él en los pasillos, me sentía culpable, además, lo amaba, lo amaba con locura. Pero estábamos en mundos distintos. La luz del sol se filtraba por las ventanillas del baño, era tan incandescente que me lastimaba los ojos, pero no era nada comparado al dolor en mi pecho.

Llevaba una hora sentada en el muro del lavamanos, miraba el movimiento inerte de mis pies, era hipnotizante. Cada minuto era un cumulo de fuerzas para afrontar lo que se avecinaba, yo había faltado a clases, pero seguro él no, ya que es de los más listos del salón; sentía tanta vergüenza cruzar por esos pasillos y entrar al aula luego de haber roto su corazón, que me había escondido toda la última semana en casa de mis abuelos para llorar a gusto.

Fue una real estupidez haber aceptado el reto de pasar tres días junto al asocial de la clase, pero más ridículo fue cuando no pude apartarme de su lado, él era tan atractivo en tantos sentidos, me gustaba su tono de voz, como caminaba con seguridad, él no era de expresarse en demasía pero sus acciones tan atentas me hacían temblar de la emoción, nunca había experimentado ese fuerte enamoramiento por alguien.

Salimos por dos meses, que parecen toda una vida. Pero las circunstancias me obligaron a alejarme, por culpa de mi mal comportamiento estaba metida en muchos problemas que podían terminar lastimándolo, así que preferí terminar lo que sea que haya sido lo nuestro, porque si alguien iba a sufrir, solo debía ser yo.

Cuando el timbre sonó, corrí con una falsa sonrisa al salón de clases, aun no estaba lista para verlo, pero nunca he estado lista para nada en mi vida. Me sorprendió llegar primero que él, estaba caminando hacia aquel puesto al que me había acostumbrado hasta que los gritos de aquellos imbéciles a los que llamaba amigos me advirtieron de mi equivocación, reí para aligerar mi falla y me senté en aquel lugar que solo guardaba rencores y venganzas.

Comenzaron a reírse de los demás, lo típico de los últimos años, me sentía agobiada ¿él vendría? Ojala que no, pero ojala que sí. Quería verlo, necesitaba verlo. Si me concentraba podía sentir las hebras de aquel castaño cabello que era más sedoso que el mío, y si cerraba los ojos podía sentir aquella lenta respiración cerca de mi cuello que calmaba mis frenéticos pensamientos.

Estaba sonriendo al recordarlo cuando sentí su presencia cruzar el umbral de la puerta, mi respiración se detuvo, tenía miedo de verlo, y que sus ojos me acusaran de lo insensible que había sido al dejarlo. Mis excusas no eran suficientes para que me perdonara. Percibí como se sentó en su lugar de siempre, y me sentí tan triste de no estar allí, para provocar esa sonrisa que también se reflejaba en aquellos ojos ámbar que armonizaban su rostro.

La clase estaba aburrida, casi nadie prestaba atención y sentía una tensión en mi cuello que me generaba piquiña. Estuve todo aquel rato observando su postura, era tan varonil, pero lo sentía tan distante, realmente parecía roto, y era solo mi culpa. Sentí un brazo posarse encima de mí, aquel idiota creía que aún tenía confianza para estar cerca, mi sonrisa no reflejaba lo mismo que mi mirada, pero él no me observaba a mí, parecía tener una pelea a la distancia.

Mi estómago dio un vuelco al percatarme de lo que sucedía, ¿acaso no era suficiente con lo que yo le había hecho? Ahora este estúpido quería aprovecharse de la situación, estaba a punto de insultarlo cuando se acercó de manera repentina y me robó un beso, todo se detuvo por un instante, y el chirrido de una silla deslizándose me alteró las emociones.

Pude ver su espalda alejarse, era el amor de mi vida, al que amaba con locura, se estaba yendo, me estaba dejando atrás y lo merecía, aunque no quisiera. Me levanté de la silla, sin embargo, mi cabeza me decía que me quedara en mi sitio aunque mi corazón dictara lo contrario.

Suspiré.

Era hora de dejar ir, a mi primer amor de verdad.

^{© 2021 @marysenpai. All rights reserved}

Romantic stories in reality mostly don't have happy endings, and the first love is not always the love of your whole life, but how nice it would be if it was, right? I hope I was able to capture the feelings well from both perspectives and that it was enjoyable for you to read, the importance of point of view applies here.

Las historias románticas en la realidad mayormente no tienen finales felices, y el primer amor no siempre es el amor de toda tu vida, pero que bonita sería que lo fuera ¿no? Espero haya podido plasmar bien los sentimientos desde las dos perspectivas y que haya sido agradable para ti leerlo, aquí se aplica la importancia del punto de vista.

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^{𝗧𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗸 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 <3
Translated with DeepL Free version.}