A Kind Of General Update - Where To Go From Here?

It's been a long break. I have been thinking about writing a post for quite some time but for some reason I have put it off. I guess I'm not quite sure what to share. But today I'll go for it and see how it turns out 🙂

I left Stockholm at the beginning of May. My flat is finally sold. After I started my new job in February, it happened rather fast. Which was fortunate because I think that was the most boring job I have ever had. Luckily that's all in the past now. Needless to say, I got very busy. Working full-time and preparing to leave Stockholm and my flat. I got rid of almost all of my stuff.

I stayed with my mom for some weeks after having left Stockholm. I had decided to move in (temporarily) to her other, new house. Which is a 30-minute drive from where she lives. Both these places are in the countryside in Sweden, my mom still lives in the house where I grew up. So once at my mom's, I got very busy with getting the new house ready for me to live in. I was driving there more or less every day. I say new house because it's not finished yet. No one has lived there before. My parents were in the process of building it when my dad got sick and passed away (9 years ago now). So my mom was left with 2 properties and has slowly continued to invest in the new house. Last year she had a bathroom installed and since then it's possible to kind of live here, at least in the summer months. But there is still not a proper kitchen and electricity only in some rooms. It's hard to explain all the details 🙂

I live here now. 🙂

But it's a beautiful house in a stunning location. In fact, I don't know a more beautiful place in Sweden. My father called this place heaven on earth. Needless to say, I'm thinking of him a lot now when I'm here. But it feels good. It was also very powerful for me to come here in May and watch everything in nature come alive. I enjoyed every moment of it.

So yes, I moved into this new house in late May, so I have been here a bit more than a month now. I have been busy with practical and physical work here. Both indoors and outdoors. The work here is endless really so you just have to decide what's most important. But it's been good. I really like decorating and now there's a whole house! And all the physical work outdoors I enjoy as well.

But I guess in some sense it has also served as a distraction for me. Because the big question that sometimes makes me so anxious is where do I go from here? Me staying here is a temporary solution. I just want to make that clear. But now when I'm free from my flat in Stockholm (a place I never wanted to return to after my years in Berlin) it's my responsibility to come up with a new plan for my life. And that includes how to support myself. And I still have no clue what I want to do. And I sometimes fear that this life will just pass me by. I really envy people who feel passionate about something.

But let's see. I recently bought a new camera and I'll start to take more pictures again (I was very much into photography when I was younger). The pictures in this post are taken with my iPhone though. But this is just one example. I have so many different ways to express my creativity.

It's also a challenge for me to have no social life whatsoever (except for my mom and youngest autistic brother). That's also a reason why I can't see myself living here more permanently. I'm used to spending a lot of time on my own and I have no problem with it. But at the moment I don't stay in touch with anyone. When I check my phone in the morning there are just no notifications. Kind of all of my friendships have ended over the last couple of years. It's been painful, of course.

But well, in a way my life feels like a blank canvas. Right now, it's just not clear what to fill it with. But I trust that this will change. Of course it will.

The pictures are from the last month or so. From the place where I'm now staying.

Ok, that's it for today. I hope to start posting more again here on Hive 🙂

Thanks for reading 🌸

Love and blessings to you all 💚