//ESP// Resentimiento hacia Mi Falta de Acción //ENG// Resentment towards My Inaction

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Solo dios sabe las veces que me detenido a pensar sobre lo que hago, repasando escenas en mi mente, tanto que termino por simplemente no hacer nada, eso es lo que hago al estar sentado sin hacer nada mientras mi vida pasaba, siendo yo el dueño de mis acciones, pero cayendo en la discordia mientras el tiempo sigue su curso.

Solo dios sabe las noches en vela que pase pensando en mi futuro para que al siguiente día no hiciera nada de lo que había propuesto, lamentándome de ser tan débil y recaer ante la monotonía, porque si hay algo de lo que me arrepienta es de esas veces que dije que haría algo para al final no hacer nada, porque entre tantas cosas nunca avanzamos, nunca vamos en la dirección que marcamos solo dejamos que nos lleve el viento, no hay velas ni timón para dirigir nuestro pequeño barco de madera, solo esta este remo que con cada impulso que nos da, nos consume, quema por dentro esforzarse cada día pero igual te quemaras si terminas hiendo hacia donde el mundo te dice, nadie quiere el bien para nadie así que hay que pelear por lo que vale la pena.

Fuera de este mundo creado de mi mente hay realidades que no controlo y es frustrante que muchas de esas cosas me ataquen directamente, incluso con las ganas de hacer algo, mas ganas tengo de no hacer nada, y termino frustrándome, resentido de mi mismo, reconociendo mis fallos y que gran parte de mis problemas los he creado yo, asimilando el echo de que reconocerlo no hará mágicamente que estos desaparezcan, solo soy yo en un momento de soledad en el que me pongo a pensar en el camino que llevo y adonde quiero llegar.

Pasan los años, todo cambia menos mi manera de pensar, quizás con ciertos arreglos a lo largo del tiempo, pero todas las acciones que tomo siguen regidas por las mismas reglas "no querer arrepentirme de nada" "no hacerle daño a nadie" "vivir por mi y por lo que me importa", lecciones que se aprenden a los golpes, de tantas caídas, de tantos fallos... de no hacer nada.

Cuando pienso en todo lo que he logrado siempre me veo desde el "quizá pude haberlo echo mejor", pero aquí estoy, subestimándome y viendo mis logros como suerte y la verdad estoy cansado de ello. llevo cuatro años trabajando en mejorar mi vida, no quiero el camino fácil, la satisfacción que ello da no es duradera, quiero un reto que me demuestre lo mejor de mi, porque muy en el fondo se que lo valgo, muy en el fondo tengo ganas de luchar, de avanzar, ya hace cuatro años que no finjo estar bien cuando no lo estoy, ya hace cuatro años que no finjo ser lo que no soy, cuatro son los años en los que busque una forma valorarme y no pensar que soy "perfecto", cuatro son las veces en que perdí la paciencia y casi arruino mis procesos, cuatro son los principios que he aprendido en el camino, "confianza, comunicación, respecto y cariño." Tanto para ti como para los demás, todo lo que hagas en esta vida, hazlo con estos cuatro principios y nunca te sentirás resentido.

Gracias por leer

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God only knows how many times I stop to think about what I do, going over scenes in my mind, so much so that I end up simply doing nothing, that's what I do as I sit idly by while my life was passing by, being the master of my actions, but falling into discord as time runs its course.

God only knows the sleepless nights I spent thinking about my future so that the next day I did nothing of what I had proposed, regretting being so weak and relapsing before the monotony, because if there is something that I regret is those times I said I would do something to do nothing in the end, because among so many things we never move forward, there are no sails or rudder to steer our little wooden boat, there is only this oar that with every impulse it gives us, consumes us, it burns inside to strive every day but you will still burn if you end up going where the world tells you, no one wants good for anyone so you have to fight for what is worth it.

Outside this created world of my mind there are realities that I do not control and it is frustrating that many of these things attack me directly, even with the desire to do something, the more I want to do nothing, and I end up getting frustrated, resenting myself, recognizing my failures and that I have created most of my problems, assimilating the fact that recognizing it will not magically make them disappear, it is just me in a moment of solitude in which I start to think about the path I am taking and where I want to get to.

Years go by, everything changes except my way of thinking, perhaps with some adjustments over time, but all the actions I take are still governed by the same rules "not wanting to regret anything" "not wanting to hurt anyone" "living for myself and for what I care about", lessons learned by blows, from so many falls, so many failures... from doing nothing.

When I think of all that I have achieved I always see myself from the "maybe I could have done better", but here I am, underestimating myself and seeing my achievements as luck and the truth is that I am tired of it. I have been working for four years to improve my life, I don't want the easy way, the satisfaction it gives is not lasting, I want a challenge that shows me the best of me, because deep down I know I am worth it, deep down I want to fight, to move forward, it's been four years since I pretended to be well when I am not, it has been four years since I pretended to be what I am not, four are the years in which I looked for a way to value myself and not to think that I am "perfect", four are the times I lost my patience and almost ruined my processes, four are the principles I have learned along the way, "trust, communication, respect and affection." For yourself as well as for others, whatever you do in this life, do it with these four principles and you will never feel resentful.



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thanks for the advice, I will put the link from now on.

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"God only knows the sleepless nights I spent thinking about my future so that the next day I did nothing of what I had proposed, regretting being so weak and relapsing before the monotony..."

These words are so real and relatable... And I, who begun this road willingly, still am suffering. This is not easy and also not hard. It is both.

I hope you, we will find to what it takes to make these happen; "trust, communication, respect and affection."

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No matter how hard or easy it may be, it is worth it.

I can only tell you that no matter how hard and sad your path may seem, no matter how many blows to the wall you must give, if you hold on to what you believe to be true, if your way of seeing things does not hurt you and does not harm others, then keep moving forward, sooner or later only God will tell you when your time has come.

I didn't believe in any of this, I spent a lifetime regretting it, but I had that feeling of being right and now I feel pleasantly lucky. I wish you the same.

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I agree with you. No matter what or how it is totally worth it...

I amnot saying that we should see ourselves unreplaceable or expendable. Balance is the key for me.

And I've spent so long time to change this mindset. I am hopeful that I managed it. Cheers to the one thinks they made it 🥂

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(Edited)

Super reflexivo con tu post chamo, todos nos hemos sentido frustrado con ciertas cosas que pasan en la vida y el hecho de no hacer nada. No hay que castigarse tanto, a veces ese nada sirve para reflexionar, agarrar fuerzas y volver con más mejor para lograr esa tu meta. Muchos ánimos vale, de seguro tendrás muchos éxitos.

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Gracias, tu también tendrás éxito en tu vida

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