Rosie - 20mg of Happiness | Let's cry like never before

Over a month ago I met Rosie with her album 20mg of Happiness and I have cried internally every time I listen to the songs, they make me long for a relationship only for it to end so I get to really cry, with more desire than before and sing the songs loudly while in an epic level of drunkenness that will make me regret everything the day after the headache it would leave me with, thankfully I have not been in a love relationship the last five years, so I save myself from committing crazy things like that.

I love all the songs, but and even more so the single I knew her for. The songs on the album are: Screaming Underwater, Retail Therapy, All my favorite songs, to get over you, Idk you at all, Never the 1, Sad Sad Sad Sad; and the singles: Social Stamina, 100 headaches, and possibly there's another one I don't know about because I'm always late finding out about this kind of stuff. The songs that give me the most in the Kokoro are the ones I'm going to talk about next.

Hace más de un mes conocí a Rosie con su album 20mg of Happiness y he llorado internamente cada vez que escucho las canciones, me hacen desear una relación solo para que termine y así lograr llorar de verdad, con más ganas que antes, y cantar las canciones a gritos mientras estoy en un nivel de ebriedad épico que me hará arrepentirme de todo el día siguiente del dolor de cabeza que me dejaría, agradezcamos que no he tenido una relación amorosa los últimos cinco años, así que me salvo de cometer locuras de ese tipo.

Amo todas las canciones, pero y más aún el single por el que la conocí. Las canciones del album son: Screaming Underwater, Retail Therapy, All my favorite songs, to get over you, Idk you at all, Never the 1, Sad Sad Sad; y los singles: Social Stamina, 100 headaches, y posiblemente haya otro que del que no sé, porque siempre me entero tarde de este tipo de cosas. Las canciones que más me dan en el kokoro son de las cuales les voy a hablar a continuacíon.

[...]

I had to put my phone on airplane mode
'Cause I don't wanna be waiting on you
You know I am and it's been getting lonely
And your silence hurts more than the truth

That I messed up, I'm sorry
It's my fault, it's on me
I know you're hurting too, but

Feel like I'm screaming underwater without you (Ah-ah)
Feel like I'm drowning every time I cry louder (Ah-ah)
And the weight of all our problеms
Got me halfway to the bottom
Feel like I'm scrеaming underwater without you

[...]

I miss you (I miss you)
I'm sorry (I'm sorry)
I want you (I want you)
To be happy
But are you screaming underwater without me?
Feel like you're drowning every time that you miss me?
If we end up at the bottom
From the weight of all our problems
Will you let me go to save yourself?
'Cause I won't let you go to save myself

[...]

Rosie - Screaming Underwater

How horrible is that feeling that the song describes, knowing that the relationship you are in is about to end and not knowing what to do so that it does not end, not knowing what is happening, nor the reasons why everything is going to end because sometimes we actually live believing that everything is going well when it is not.

Communication at these points is usually something that would save everything, where someone would get out just to try to get everything back to the way it was before and thus avoid suffering, but knowing that this suffering is going to come anyway and cannot be avoided forever, and when everything is already lost, when the breakup is imminent, not knowing why is the worst, not having that conversation, those who receive the answer to that why are too lucky and do not know it.

Years ago I went through that, out of nowhere someone stopped writing me completely, simply ignored my existence as if the five years we spent talking almost daily meant nothing, and after almost five years later I still don't know why he stopped talking to me, I just couldn't get that information and I had to learn to live with it, it wasn't easy, but I made it, and the second part I tell you with the song below.

Qué horrible es esa sensación que describe la canción, saber que la relación en la que estás está a punto de terminar y no saber qué hacer para que no termine, no saber qué es lo que está sucediendo, ni las razones por las que todo va a acabr, pues a veces vivimos en realidad creyendo que todo está yendo bien cuando no es así.

La comunicación a estos puntos suele ser algo que salvaría todo, donde alguien se sacarificaría solo para intentar que todo vuelva a ser como antes y así evitar sufrir, pero sabiendo que ese sufrimiento va a llegar de todas formas y no se podrá evadir por siempre, y cuando todo ya está perdido, cuando la ruptura es inminente, el no saber por qué es lo peor, el no tener esa conversación, aquellos que reciben respuésta a ese por qué son demasiado afortunados y no lo saben.

Hace años pasé por eso, de la nada alguien me dejó de escribir por completo, simplemente ignoró mi existencia como si los cinco años que pasamos hablando casi diariamente no significaron nada, y después de casi cinco años después sigo sin saber por qué me dejó de hablar, simplemente no pude obtener esa información y tuve que aprender a vivir con eso, no fue fácil, pero lo logré, y la segunda parte se las cuento con la canción de abajo.

I've been doin' too much retail therapy
You left me with a box of empty memories
That's all I have left of you
Thought I was so much more to you

[...]

Now every day feels like a year
When you're gone and I'm waitin' here
For you to change your mind
I swear you still want this

So why can't you text me and tell me you're sorry?
Admit that you made a mistake and you love me
Oh, oh
I wish you would call me and say that you need me
Say you wеre stupid and foolish for leavin'
Oh, oh
And when you try to makе up
I'll hang up 'cause you burned me
I just wanna hurt you like you hurt me

[...]

Rosie - Retail Therapy

The chorus of this song is perfect, fuck, it represents so well what it's like to want to be written back just to try everything again, but the best part is the end when he tells her that when he wants to fix everything again, he's going to hang up the call just because he wants to hurt her the same way he was hurt, fuck, that feeling is universal, and I got to fulfill it, although in a different way.

I didn't do shoebox therapy like Rosie in the video, I downloaded books belonging to the Young Adult category and started reading them and crying for six months straight, it was horrible, I was so depressed that I remember almost nothing of that time, but I remember very well the feeling of wanting him to write me again, to apologize and at the very least to keep talking to me, but it never happened, at least until...

Once I got a message from him by mistake on Facebook while he was reading our conversation, that happened more than a year after he stopped talking to me completely, and I'm thankful I got over it by then, because when I saw that emoji he sent by mistake I laughed like I hadn't laughed for months and it was the final proof to know that I didn't care anymore if he wrote me or not, I was very happy laughing that he was now the one reading our conversation and not me.

El coro de esta canción es perfecto, joder, representa muy bien lo que es querer que te escriban de nuevo solo para volver a intentar todo de nuevo, pero lo mejor es el final cuando le dice que cuando quiera arreglar todo de nuevo, va a colgar la llamada solo porque quiere herirle de la misma forma que le hirieron, joder, ese sentimiento es universal, y yo llegué a cumplirlo, aunque de una forma diferente.

Yo no hice terapia de combras de zapatos como Rosie en el video, yo descargué libros pertenecientes a la categoría Young Adult y me puse a leerlos y llorar por seis meses seguidos, fue horrible, estuve tan deprimido que no recuerdo casi nada de ese tiempo, pero recuerdo muy bien la sensación de querer que me volviera a escribir, que me pidiera disculpas y como mínimo siguiera hablando conmigo, pero nunca sucedió, al menos hasta que...

Una vez me llegó un mensaje suyo por equivocación en facebook mientras él leía nuestra conversación, eso sucedió más de un año después de que me dejó de hablar por completo, y agradezco haberlo superado para ese entonces, porque al ver ese emoji que envio por error me reí como tenía meses que no me había reído y fue la prueba final para saber que ya no me importaba si me escribía o no, fui muy feliz riéndome de que él ahora fuera el que estuviera leyendo nuestra conversación y no yo.

I'm still getting used to my bed feeling queen-size
I'm still getting used to my space on the right side
New blankets, I'm makin' strides, but I know
I'm still getting used to forgetting your number
Knew all ten digits, now I barely remember
Your face, and I'm making strides

But I don't know if I'm ready to cut all ties
You cut yours, but I still got mine
It kills me you still occupy my mind
I'll do what I have to

To get over you
I would hike Mount Everest
To get over you
I'd walk through hell and back again
Oh, I would break every bone in my body
To forget how it felt when you loved me
What I'd do (What I'd do)
To get over you

[...]

Rosie - ​to get over you

What wouldn't you do to get over someone? I cried reading books, but it's not easy, you never get over someone important, really important in your life when they leave, you just get stronger, you grow around that pain and even if it seems like it hurts less, no, it still hurts the same amount, you just can't let those feelings take over and take control of our lives.

I love the first verse, how one has to get used to the life of before, to that life where no one slept next to you, but now that he is gone you miss him, to that life where you didn't share anything and now it's strange not to, and the best thing is that step by step one gets better, one becomes well alone again.

¿Qué no haría uno para superar a alguien? Yo lloré leyendo libros, pero no es fácil, nunca se llega superar a alguien importante, realmente importante en la vida de uno cuando se va, uno simplemente se hace más fuerte, uno crece alrededor de ese dolor y aunque parezca que duele menos, no, sigue doliendo la misma cantidad, solo que uno no puede dejar que esos sentimientos se apoderen de uno y tomen el control de nuestras vidas.

El primer verso me encanta, cómo uno tiene que volver a acostumbrarse a la vida de antes, a esa vida donde nadie dormía junto a ti, pero ahora que no está le extrañas, a esa vida donde no compartías nada y ahora es extraño no hacerlo, y lo mejor es que paso a paso uno va mejorando, uno vuelve a estar bien solo de nuevo.

Too many restless nights, my body's shaking
My head hurts, got a stomachache
Too many sleepless nights and I'm impatient
Like a war inside my mind
I'm anxious all the time

Fake laughing, but I'm breaking
Pretend I'm doing fine
Fight with my medication

It's been a year
Too numb to feel
Twenty milligrams of happiness, but when I do the math
It doesn't add up, it doesn't add up
'Cause I'm still sad, sad, sad, sad, sad
I'm still sad, sad, sad, sad, sad

Too many hours staring at the television
My therapist says it's okay to rest
My friends are talking and I'm barely listening
They call me selfless, but I'm self-obsessed

[...]

Sometimes, I still have good dreams at night
Do my best to wake up smiling
And it's been the best year of my life
But it doesn't add up, it doesn't add up 'cause

[...]

Rosie - Sad Sad Sad

In this song is the title of the album and it couldn't be more perfect. It is one of the many adequate representations of what depression is, and the fact that one has no control over it, that even if you take medication you don't always get better, that medication must always be accompanied by therapy, and even if the world thinks one thing, your friends think something else, only you know the reality of what you are going through.

And this is for any kind of things, not only for the depression that can come after a love breakup, no, there is an excess of things that can trigger a series of events, of uncontrollable feelings that if you do not get to work on time end up destroying you, end up destroying our brain to such an extent that medication may not even be an option to get better, and all that has to be avoided in any way.

You can spend as much time as you want, you can do whatever you want, go out with friends as often as you want, smile and laugh countless times, but the feeling of being numb, of faking it all the time and the mental and emotional toll that adds to being sick is worse, but people don't understand that, they think that forcing someone depressed to do something is helping them, when you just want it to be over, whatever they force you to do so you can lie in bed barely breathing.

En esta canción se encuentra el título del album y no puede ser más perfecta. Es una de las muchas representaciones adecuadas de lo que es la depresión, y el hecho de que uno no tiene control sobre ella, que aunque se tome la medicación no siempre se mejora, que la medicación siempre debe ir acompañada de la terapia, y aunque el mundo piense una cosa, tus amigos piensen otra cosa, solo uno sabe la realidad de lo que se vive.

Y esto es para cualquier tipo de cosas, no solo para la depresión que puede llegar después de una ruptura amorosa, no, hay un exceso de cosas que pueden desencadenar una serie de eventos, de sentimientos incontrolables que si no se llegan a trabajar a tiempo acaban destruyendo a uno, acaban destruyendo nuestro cerebro a tal punto que la medicación puede llegar a no ser ni siquiera una opción para mejorar, y todo eso tiene que evitarse de cualquier forma.

Puede pasar el tiempo que sea, uno puede hacer lo que sea, salir con amigos las veces que sean, sonreír y reír incontables veces, pero el sentimiento de estar entumecido, de que se finge todo el tiempo y el desgaste mental y emocional que eso añade al hecho de estar enfermo es peor, pero la gente no entiende eso, creen que obligar a alguien deprimido a hacer algo es ayudarlo, cuando simplemente uno quiere que se acabe eso lo que sea que obligan a uno hacer para poder estar en la cama apenas respirando.

I lost touch with all my friends
I'm in bed by ten PM, I have no social stamina
I cancel on all my plans, I commit then I don't answer
I can't keep up with anyone

Now I'm a desert island, I know
I push away until I'm alone
When did I become someone no one loves?
Now I'm a broken record, it shows
All I ever say is "no"
When did I become someone I don't love?

Now I don't know, I don't know, who I am
How did I turn into a person who I can't stand?
How did I let it get this bad?
Now I can't go back, now I'm all I have
And I don't know, I don't know who I am
And I don't know, I don't know who I am

Trigger warnings in my mind
I'm so vulnerable at night, so I watch romantic comedies
But happy couples make me cry
I can't find someone in real life
Always feel like something's wrong with me

[...]

Rosie -Social Stamina

Social Stamina was the single through which I met Rosie a few months ago, I ran out to look for more of her songs and came across the bleeding beauty of 20mg of Happiness. This song represents me too much on all levels, I think three years ago I spent a whole year locked up in my house without going out anywhere, I lost contact with almost all my friends in college, and in general, it was hard to get them back, and I couldn't get back in touch with all the people I stopped writing to simply because I couldn't physically.

That sanction that there is something wrong with you, even though you try to do everything right, it's horrible, that you always push everyone away unconsciously, everything, everything that the song says is too real, Social Stamina and Sad Sad Sad are the only songs that I really cried with, they are a very real representation of what I lived almost all my life, and the fact that I have already improved, that I have really improved I think is incredible and only confirms that you get better with time, no matter how bad things are for you.

Without further ado, I invite you to go listen to the rest of Rosie's songs that I didn't talk about, because if I did, this would go on forever, I love them all, each one in its own way and I can spend hours listening to them on loop without getting tired, I know it will be the same with you.

Social Stamina fue el single por el cual conocí a Rosie hace unos meses, salí corriendo a buscar más canciones de ella y me encontré con la hermosura sangrante de 20mg of Happiness. Esta canción me representa demasiado en todos los niveles, hace creo que tres años estuve durante un año completo encerrado en mi casa sin salir a ningún lado, perdí contacto con casi todas mis amistades e la universidad y en general, fue difícil recuperarlas, y no pude volver a tener contacto con todas las personas a las que dejé de escribirles simplemente porque no podía fisicamente.

Esa sancación de que hay algo mal con uno, aunque uno trate de hacer todas las cosas bien, es horrible, el que siempre se aleja a todo el mundo inconsientemente, todo, todo lo que dice la canción es demasiado real, Social Stamina y Sad Sad Sad son las únicas canciones con las que realmente lloré, son una representación muy real de lo que vivi casi toda mi vida, y el hecho de que ya haya mejorado, de que en realidad haya mejorado de verdad me parece increíble y solo confirma eso de que uno mejora con el tiempo, sin importar qué tan mal estén las cosas para uno.

Sin más que agregar, los invito a que vayan a escuchar el resto de las canciones de Rosie de las que no hablé, porque si lo hacía esto iba a ser eterno, las amo todas, cada una a su manera y puede pasar horas escuchándolas en bucle sin cansarme, sé que con ustedes va a ser igual.