The letter

After thirty years of marriage my father and mother separated. I never really knew the reasons for this separation, neither my father nor my mother liked to talk about it.

At that time I lived apart, in another city, I had my own family, my wife and two children. It took me a while to get used to visiting my parents separately.

One afternoon my father called me on the phone, informing me that he was moving to the same city where I lived, he had bought a house and wanted me to help him with the move. In those days he lived alone. I arranged to meet him the next morning.

Very early I arrived at his house, in a sector a little distant from where I lived. He was at the door waiting for the truck to bring his belongings. We waited for more than an hour and took advantage of the time to have breakfast and take a look at his new home.

When the truck arrived we started to unload everything, in reality there were very few things. His bed, an electric cooker and five boxes containing clothes, books, bedding and personal items.

He went out to get a refrigerator and left me in charge of the house, telling me to pack what I could.

I was about to finish going through the last box when a yellowish envelope caught my eye. I was undecided whether or not to look at its contents, but I couldn't resist the temptation. It was a letter dated two years before my marriage to my mother, written in neat handwriting. It had no sender, only the addressee, my father. Its contents filled me with astonishment:

Dear Ed. Until recently I held out hope that what was between us could stand the test of time and distance, I was sure that the love that existed between the two of us could overcome any test.

I still remember the sincerity of your gaze the day you left for the capital. You shook my hands warmly and left in my ears the promise that at some point you would come back for me.

I know that things did not turn out as you expected, that you had many unforeseen difficulties. It was very sad for me to read those letters where you told me about the countless setbacks that kept you upset; the hard and poorly paid work, the contempt of some people, the difficulties to get a room. I would have liked very much to have been by your side to relieve you of those heavy burdens.

But I couldn't move from here. And it's not that I didn't love you enough to take the adventure of going to your side. I would have loved to run out to meet you. But my father's illness tied me down. How could I leave him alone...? As much as I loved you, I had to be with him.

In the end things took an unexpected turn. I thought my father might get well enough to stand on his own two feet. But no, he was left in the worst situation anyone can be in, practically immobilized and completely dependent on someone else's assistance. I don't know how long this situation will last, but I have no choice but to be with him.

I am sure that if I asked you, you would leave what you have achieved back in the capital and come back to this world you wanted to leave one day. But my selfishness does not go that far. I do love you very much, don't doubt that…

But as much as I love you I think it would be a big mistake for you to return to this coffee plantation where I know you will not find happiness. You have every right to continue in search of your dreams, which can never come true here, in this secluded place.

It has been three years since you left. In all this time you have been very patient, in all this time you have taken care of nourishing our love by writing to me month after month. You don't know how many times I have reread those thirty-six letters. You don't know how many times I have imagined myself at your side, accompanying you in this great adventure of wanting to make a new life for yourself...

But we must be realistic. My father's situation may continue the same for a long time. It is not fair that you continue to be tied to a hope that may never be. You have been a good man, you have been attentive to me, you have waited for me with resignation... But the most sensible thing in our situation is for you to move on, to continue with your life, not to wait for me anymore...

This will be the last time I write to you. I will not answer any more letters from you. My thoughts will always be with you. I know that there you will find a companion to be with you, to form that family that you dream of so much...

Thank you for having loved me, my dear Ed. All the blessings in the world to you...

I took the envelope back and carefully put the letter away. I have never wanted to talk to my father about that part of his life, I have never wanted to reveal to him that I knew his secret...

He must have some reason for not wanting to share it with anyone. Sometimes people prefer to keep the most important parts of their lives to themselves...

Thank you for your time.

Translated with www.DeepL.com/Translator (free version)

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Until the next delivery. Thank you.

The photos, the digital edition and the Gifs are of my authorship.

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