Setting Boundaries Around Selflessness.

Reflecting on my interaction and relationship with people has become one practice I don't take lightly anymore, and for a few years now, this practice has helped me to not just define my relationship with people but as well create healthy boundaries strong enough to protect my happiness and peace of mind. Despite this practice working for me, I am still very cautious not to sound too confident about staying within my boundaries because I still slip out despite knowing how dangerous it could be.

Prioritizing others' comfort and convenience over my own was what led me to embrace deep reflection on my relationship with people, and I wish I had known better earlier.

It is my nature to step out of my convenience when there is need for that just to help my friends, I don't have issues with sacrificing my own needs for the benefit of others or simply putting others feelings before my own. I just love seeing people doing okay, not minding how my contribution to their well-being would affect mine.

Initially, it felt like a good habit, and in many ways, I can prove that it is.

• I watched my mom help people even though not financially, and it really made her happy. I felt the same way too, helping others, but what I failed to see was that she wasn't doing it out of her comfort or in a way that would inconvenience her.

• Due to my challenging upbringing, I needed help a lot of times, and people came through for me on different occasions. I had the mentality of always helping people whenever I had the ability to do so.

• I also understood how practicing empathy, kindness, and selflessness helps in building strong relationships, so it's not a bad idea to make huge sacrifices for people.

But along the line, I realize that my so-called good habit of inconveniencing myself for others was a source of frustration in my life; it actually makes me sad in the end regardless of how happy I felt while rendering the help.

Some years ago, I found myself in a deep financial mess while trying to help someone I consider a friend. The truth is that we were just colleagues, and the fact that we interact every day made me assume he was a friend. He made his victim in a blink of an eye, and it was clear that he had everything planned even before he got the opportunity, and being the kind-hearted person who always wanted to have a positive impact on people, I fell into his trap. It took me months to offset the debt, and I suffered direly for putting others first again.

That particular experience got me wondering why I continued inconveniencing myself for others. I was sure it wasn't for the fear of rejection or abandonment, nor was I seeking validation; I just get caught up in seeking happiness for others while neglecting mine. I feel too concerned and always made terrible decisions that backfire in the end.

After reflecting deeply on this habit of mine, I realized that it was time I made changes. I knew learning the art of self-care & prioritization was the way forward so I taught myself to recognize my needs so putting myself first doesn't make me selfish like everyone would think.

I took a minimalist approach which is prioritizing what truly matters to me and was even shocked to see where I stood on the list of my priorities. The changes I made didn't stop me from still helping others, but not at the detriment of my wellbeing.

I became more happier and my piece of mind stopped wobbling as a consequence of inconveniencing my for others. A lot has changed in the past few years with my habit of reflecting on my relationship with people and the boundaries I set wouldn't even expose me to any form of exploitation except I chose to let my guards down intentionally.

A few people said it to my face that I have changed a lot but does that really matter when I am happy with the progress I have made for prioritizing my wellbeing?

_{Images Are Mine}