Letting Go Emotional Baggage Became My Saving Grace.
I had a really quiet day yesterday (Wednesday), probably because it was the last day in July and there was a lot to reflect on. I was busy comparing my July expenses with the previous months when Facebook brought some pictures as memories, and for a moment, I got carried away as I stared at the picture of myself and my younger sibling at a time when we were trying really hard to pick the pieces of our lives together.
We were really happy kids in the early 2000s, filled with so much hope and energy, but the least expected thing happened in our lives, and the future took a new turn to a destination we weren't even sure of. As teenagers, we had to find our path with the support of our mom, which was quite challenging because she wasn't earning enough to take care of our needs, and it hurts a lot knowing that we have a someone who could take care of both our needs and wants with a snap of his fingers.
He made us a lot of promises since I and my siblings were big dreamers, but the unexpected twist changed everything. Many of those dreams didn't look like they would ever come to reality, and it made us bitter. We were angry and even hated being the offspring of a man who chose to neglect us.
At a point, we accepted the reality that he wouldn't be part of our lives and decided to forge forward without him. That decision wasn't the easiest because we had developed so much hate towards him, and somehow it was tearing us apart mentally.
While striving to move forward, I realized that I was carrying too much pain and it was dragging me back. Initially, I thought I was trying to channel the pain into motivation, but it was doing the opposite. There are moments when the thoughts of the disappointment I had in him strike my mind, and it would render me useless for days and weeks.
I couldn't just stop thinking about how much he would have done or what life would have looked like for me and my siblings if we weren't neglected. I thought I was the only one feeling that way until my immediate sibling spoke to me about how angry he becomes whenever he sees how his friends dads are helping their children make significant progress in life.
I felt heartbroken because I couldn't even be of help to him at that time. Unfortunately, we were stuck with the feeling until I was in my twenties when I realized that we were traveling through life with a bad emotional baggage that needed to be discarded, but how? Pretending he doesn't exist wasn't working because a part of me always reminded me of his existence.
For the very first time, I decided to speak to a librarian in my school who had mentioned a few things about minimalism during her lectures. We have shared moments talking about minimalist lifestyles, and that made us quite close. I felt safe pouring out my struggles to her since she understood me better from the minimalist perspective, and she emphasized a lot on letting go, decluttering, and others.
My journey with letting go started with reflecting on my progress in life, and it became clear that burying myself in hate for my dad blinded my mind to the great progress I have made without him which included going to the higher institution almost 6 years after completing high school, supporting my family, being a fatherly figure to my siblings and others.
I drafted out my accomplishments and felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders just by knowing that I was doing well to some extent even though I wanted more than those things in life.
I extended my reflection on my family, and it broke me emotionally to know that I didn't appreciate them well enough despite the support and love they showered on me. I was really unfair to them and myself, spending more time thinking about what hurt me instead of being more appreciative of those who stood by me throughout my darkest times.
It was a long process, but I was able to have a proper reflection on my journey before embracing reality and a minimalist approach to shedding off emotional baggage.
Cutting off my emotional triggers was the first thing I did. I disconnected completely from the source of my disrupted emotions, and that prevented me from going back often to those memories that fuel my hate. I had the habit of spying on my dad on different social media, which was my biggest trigger, so I stopped, and it helped a lot. There are times when I feel tempted; I just keep myself busy with other things until the urge to spy disappears.
I learned to appreciate myself and my family as I focused more on the present than everything that has happened in the past. We spent more quality time together whenever the opportunity came up, and slowly we became happier as a family. Things were so different, and I took every opportunity to educate my siblings about my practice of letting go of all my emotional baggage.
I thought everything was all over until I hit another dead end in my life during COVID 19. It was tough taking responsibility as usual for my family, and somehow I slipped back into struggling with my emotional baggage.
I didn't hesitate to speak to another beautiful mother I met on Hive, and after some discussion with her, I realized I wasn't done with my past. The hate I had for my dad was hidden and not completely gone like I thought.
I realized decluttering my emotional baggage was incomplete without forgiveness. I had to forgive him, which I did even though it didn't mean we had to start building any relationship anymore. After going through everything you read above, I was able to let go completely. It took a long time, but trusting the process was one of the best decisions I made. Today, I checked up on him without having to struggle with any emotions, and this is exactly what I wanted.
Emotional baggage can be a whole lot to declutter, but it's very possible if we trust the process and go through it wholeheartedly. There is a lot of good in letting go, but you can't realize it until you are completely free from carrying the weight of emotional baggage.
I am sorry this post ended a lengthy one and hope anyone struggling with any form of emotional baggage can learn one or two things from my journey. I wouldn't mind talking more about yours if you feel safe to share like I did.
Thanks for reading.
All Image Are Mine.
Hatred and blame serve no one. Either a person has a place in your life or they don't, and yes, as someone who went through something similar with my own father (by the sounds of it, at least), I know it's easier said than done.
You have to assess periodically, see if there's anything worth holding on to, and what needs letting go. And let go. :) Thank you, I really enjoyed this post.
It's truly easier said than done because everything I narrated took me over a decade to get through but it was worth the time.
There are things worth holding on to but it might be difficult to even notice them just because we wouldn't let the irrelevant emotions go. Letting go what needs to be discarded comes with lots of benefits and thanks for response to the post.
It's a sad realization, but also a liberating one. Not all forgiveness needs to lead to a continuation. But it's always better to forgive than hold on to hatred or resentment. Always.
This image belongs to millycf1976 and was manipulated using Canva.
Initially I thought forgiving him was for his own good but later, I realised it was for my good.
I am glad I didn't resist the need to forgive him, I could have still been going around so much hate tearing me apart.
Thanks a lot, here feels like a safe space to share, learn and educate each other with our stories.
Forgiveness sets you free and it is not about the offender but to you that was offended.
Glad you were able to grab that ingredient of forgiveness in letting go of emotional baggage.
I felt really happy after letting go and for the first time, I saw the beautiful things happening in my life.
That's great 👍
This is something amazing— I mean the act of letting go.
Because it is hard to let go of something that hurt you, especially when you deserve better.
Those hatred and emotions baggage, honestly hold one back. It blinds one from seeing and appreciating the important and valuable things, the good and enjoyable memories.
Im glad you are building yourself, even without his help. You will surely reach greater heights.
Forgiveness is not easy, kudos. I’m so proud of you.
Forgiveness is not as easy as we think and forgetting is the biggest part of it. Many times we claim to have forgiven someone but we still hold on to the pain we felt from whatever they did to us.
Letting go of emotional baggage is crucial, traveling through life with it isn't fun and it's not worth it no matter how we justify our actions.
It's always good to let go, because holding up to the past doesn't help us on anyway but in reality keeps us in bondage, but letting go helps us become more relieved and found new strengths to proceed in life.
I glad you were able to realise this, forgive and move on.
You are right bro, it doesn't help when we hold onto painful emotions and like I mentioned in the post, it's difficult but very achievable.