¡Explosiva, aunque no quiera! || Explosive, even if you don't want it to be! || @ediyelly
In general I am a person who likes to help all those who need me, that includes family, friends, acquaintances.
My environment, currently is not the healthiest, I constantly hear screams, fights, and I think that the pandemic worsened this situation, which despite trying not to fall into these provocations, affects me in such a way, because I get defensive, and I'm like Paulina Rubio's song: "Por las buenas soy buena, por las malas ..." (For the good things I'm good, for the bad things ...).
I usually wake up in good spirits, with so many ideas and plans to develop, because the scenario where I live is complex, I am not married, nor do I have children, but unfortunately I have taken on burdens that are not mine, and that often makes me so stressed because it is not the same, to support one person with the salary, than 5 more people.
This story is the continuous denominator that I have had to carry for 34 years, and although it seems hard it is so, carry because I do it by choice and not by imposition, the problem is that sometimes we think that everyone should value a little of what you do, but the reality is not so, they simply say: "I did not ask you to do it" and that makes me worse and worse mood.
I am like volcanoes, they have so much accumulated energy that when it explodes it hurts everyone around them, that's how it happens to me, I try to handle the situation in the best way, I look for escape in these ecosystems, because I have assumed it as a "catharsis" and it helps me to drain, but the truth is that days go by and I feel that my strength is running out and the problem is that when you do not have the resources to be alone, you must "continue to endure the situation".
I am so volatile that sometimes I am afraid with myself, and it is the most unfortunate reality, I try daily to read, sing, dance, meditate, do things that fill me with the best possible positive energy, to avoid so many adverse situations, because I am afraid of exploding and I have no way back.
Deep breathing and crying help me to vent so much pain in my heart, I feel that I am entering a depressive state, because whatever I do I can't stop crying, at this moment I feel like in a chemical imbalance that is affecting me emotionally, and previously my workplace was my refuge and the energy is so negative that I can't be in that place.
I don't want to be explosive, that's why I think I'm doing everything a little bit, thinking cold, it seems to me that I use it as an escape system because that helps me not to think about so many problems... I don't like fights, but at this moment I have such a low tolerance level that it affects me a lot.
My family criticizes me because I write in these networks, and I do this as a way of venting, because it helps me to breathe and put my life in perspective... Fear is consuming me and I think it is basically the trigger of everything, because I do not finish leaving the house even though I know I am so unhappy in it....
I am afraid to explode and not stop, because hearing so many things that seek to minimize me hurts and especially, from whom those words come from, one of the people I love the most in life, my mother....
Rage, pain, depression I do not wish it to anyone, because it submerges us in so many ugly things, despite having had such a nice day yesterday, today, I needed to write and unburden myself through these lines, because I simply do not do it with alcohol anymore... Thank you for reading me.
Electronic-terrorism, voice to skull and neuro monitoring on Hive and Steem. You can ignore this, but your going to wish you didnt soon. This is happening whether you believe it or not. https://ecency.com/fyrstikken/@fairandbalanced/i-am-the-only-motherfucker-on-the-internet-pointing-to-a-direct-source-for-voice-to-skull-electronic-terrorism
Congratulations @ediyelly! You have completed the following achievement on the Hive blockchain and have been rewarded with new badge(s):
Your next target is to reach 3250 upvotes.
Your next payout target is 500 HP.
The unit is Hive Power equivalent because post and comment rewards can be split into HP and HBD
You can view your badges on your board and compare yourself to others in the Ranking
If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word
STOP
To support your work, I also upvoted your post!
Check out the last post from @hivebuzz:
Support the HiveBuzz project. Vote for our proposal!
¡Felicidades! Esta publicación obtuvo upvote y fue compartido por @la-colmena, un proyecto de Curación Manual para la comunidad hispana de Hive que cuenta con el respaldo de @curie.
Si te gusta el trabajo que hacemos, te invitamos a darle tu voto a este comentario y a votar como testigo por Curie.
Si quieres saber más sobre nuestro proyecto, acompáñanos en Discord: La Colmena.
Your content has been voted as a part of Encouragement program. Keep up the good work!
Use Ecency daily to boost your growth on platform!
Support Ecency
Vote for new Proposal
Delegate HP and earn more
Espero que puedas encontrar la calma, es muy difícil cuando nos vemos cargadas con tantas responsabilidades. Dios te guié y te permita vislumbrar qué hacer para mejorar tu estado de ánimo.
Gracias por compartir un poco de tu historia, es de valientes hacerlo.
¡No decaigas!
Muchas gracias por tus palabras, estoy tranquila, he logrado utilizar estos espacios para drenar tantas cosas y además de eso, llorar me ayuda a tranquilizarme mucho... A veces las personas no entienden que a pesar de amarse tanto, por salud mental y emocional es mejor separarse... Como lo escribí, me siento como un volcán, y no me gusta ser o estar así...
Amo ayudar a las personas, pero creo que a veces me olvido de mi misma... Creo que necesito estar sola, porque es la mejor manera de ser consciente de la situación, pensar y analizar sobre el contexto... Soy de las que siempre busca lo positivo de las cosas y se que esto está sucediendo por una razón...
Es una situación muy dura y peligrosa por la que estas pasando amiga @ediyelly debes tener mucho cuidado y buscar el equilibrio. Es bueno que por este medio puedas drenar toda esa angustia y dolor. Espero que pronto estes mejor. Saludos y bendiciones para ti.
Gracias por tus palabras...Si es bastante duro, y no me gusta explotar... La mejor opción es alejarme de las personas que quiero por el bien mental y emocional de todos...