Overcoming Fear of Love: My Journey to Finding Balance in Relationships

I have always been a hopeless romantic. I love deeply, passionately, and with all my heart. But every time I let myself love like that, I have been burned. It seems like I always end up with someone who doesn't care for me as much as I care for them.

My first real relationship was particularly painful. I gave everything I had to that girl, but she grew tired of me.

I think she tried to force herself to love me, but it just wasn't there. I was left heartbroken and feeling like a fool for giving so much of myself to someone who didn't appreciate it.

I also developed a strong suspicion of women that is hard to shake off now. I have been afraid of building relationships. I don't want to feel that pain again. It's something I have thought and drank about.

I used to be scared that I would lose control of myself and give too much of myself to someone who didn't deserve it again. I even started to avoid people who reminded me of her.

I met someone new, someone who seemed to genuinely care for me. At first, I was hesitant to let myself love her. I was afraid of being hurt again. But as I got to know her better, I found myself falling for her despite my fears.

However, our relationship hit a rough patch when I started to show the same behavior that had caused problems in my previous relationship. I started pouring in energy with skepticism, then came long distance to show her true nature, and mine as well.

She didn't like to call, and I was getting attention from other girls. It's hard to keep it together when you are convinced your partner doesn't love you or just sees you as something worth holding on to and not loving.

I messed up yet another relationship. Why do I keep doing this to myself?

I guess I'll trying to match energy or and not force love where there isn't any. It's all in my head. If someone loves me for me and I love the person how I can, I think they should learn to appreciate that.

There is this other girl who seems to be head over heels for me. I don't want her to expect too much from me, and I don't want to repeat the mistakes of the past. But I also know that I can't keep avoiding relationships in the future.

I am also more focused on figuring out what I really want in a relationship and doing my part to make it work. I realize that I need to find a way to balance my emotions and love without losing myself.

This story sort of makes it into two of the writing prompts because I regifted a watch to one of my first ex-girlfriends, and I always felt like she wished it had come from someone else. Someone she wished I was but could never be.

I know that building a long-lasting relationship is scary, but I also know that it's worth it. People in loving relationships live longer. It's life added to your life.

---

What did you learn from your previous relationships that helped you find balance in your current relationship? What role did your past experiences play in shaping your current view of love and relationships?

---