The Woman who became a Father

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A few days ago, it was father's day and a lot of folks wasted no time in making it a memorable one for their loved ones, since it is the only one that happens in the year. I heard that the women have 3 special days in the year, dedicated solely to the individuals with the XX chromosomes. It doesn't seem fair, but someone once said that it is a woman's world.

In fact, the world is split between fine lines that delineate gender. Many people have "redefined" themselves in totality, in ways that included redefining their gender. Today ain't the day to talk about what I think about gender in that fashion.

Today, when we hear the word "father", we immediately have a mental picture of a man, maybe in his mid-forties, who is married with kids. We tend to picture a father as one who has the capacity to inseminate a woman and a mother as one who has the capacity to carry a fetus to conception and bring forth a child.

Well, biologically speaking, that is who a father/mother is. But otherwise, I do not believe that the ability to put sperm into a woman automatically makes one a father. I have thought about it. I mean, so, If a guy rapes a girl, and the girl gives birth to a baby, we call the guy the father of the child? Well, yes, biologically speaking, (I am a doctor, so that's how we role). But other than that, I can't say, he is a father.

So, the obvious question becomes, who is a father? What makes a person a father? Can such trait be gender specific? Before you come for my neck with the dictionary definition of fatherhood, I am not speaking biologically. I think it is important that I clear this. If by some extraterrestrial means, conception no longer required the sperm of a man, does it mean that men could no longer be fathers?

How about in the case of adoption. When a couple adopts a child who isn't biologically theirs, if the child calls the male his dad, is he wrong? Oh! no! as long as the legal papers are properly signed, the child ain't wrong to call the male dad.

So, some bunch of papers backed by a court of law is strong enough to confer a total stranger the privilege of fatherhood? Or at least being called a father? Well then, it is clear that being the producer of sperms doesn't automatically make a man a father. In fact, I do not believe that fatherhood is inherently maleness. Let me explain with the story of the woman who became a father, at least that is my view of the whole story.

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Babajide always considered himself very fortunate, a guy blessed by God in ways that he didn't deserve. And he would always boast that his biggest blessing was his mother, Mrs Angela. He would adore her, talk about her as his rock, his all in all. One time his girlfriend, Jessica, was scared that his love for his mother might be a lot more than he had for her.

Jessica was a very tolerating girl. She had a slim build, and a tall body, one that was considered too tall for ladies, generally. Babajide had literally fallen for her the first day they meet. He described it as a "blessed fall", but his friends always teased him that it was a "fall into temptation".

He had just gotten down from his car and was crossing the road to the mall across the road. Meanwhile Jessica stood across the road waiting for a motocycle as she was running late for her class that afternoon. Jide, as his friends called him suddenly found out that he could not keep his eyes off Jessica. He was crossing the road and he knew that he should be aware of any oncoming vehicles, but somehow, he seemed transfixed on the image in front of him.

He was suddenly jolted to reality by the loud honking of an oncoming vehicle, he suddenly took to his heels running to the other side of the road and in his haste, failed to notice the elevation of the road that was just before he got to the other side of the road and somehow missed his steps.

Jide soon found himself on the ground in front of this angel, her face looking at him with extreme concern as she helped him up to his feet.

are you ok?

I am fine now, he said with a smile that was too suggestive.

Anyways, as they say " the rest is history". Everyday with Jessica seemed to remind Jide of the extreme care of his mother. The understanding nature she always displayed whenever Jide came to her with a complaint. Mrs Angela had lost her husband, not to the cruel hands of death but rather to the stupid bottles of alcohol that he could not drop. He became a wreck of a man so soon, Angela wondered if she was blind when she said yes to him a few years back.

As soon as Jide was born, he became reckless. Would go out with a thousand women and come back to the house completely drunk and irate. One day he left the house and never returned. That was when Jide was just 8months old. He grew up not knowing who his father was. But Angela proved to be more than just a woman. She stepped up without wasting anytime. She became all that Jide could need in a father.

She worked 3 jobs so that she would never have an excuse for why Jide didn't have his needs met. She sent him to school and exercised a very strong hand in her child's education that even the teachers in school had to check everything they taught again before coming to class to teach it.

One time, Mrs Angela almost tore the school down because Jide's math teacher had taught him the wrong formula for solving quadratic equations. When she saw it that night while Jide sat at the dinning doing his homework, she knew that there was something wrong with the formula. She was cutting vegetable while she peeped into Jide's book. She finished cutting the vegetable and then proceeded to call her friend James, who was a statistician. She asked him to take a look at the formula and tell her if it was correct.

James didn't know why Angela so badly wanted to know if the formula was correct.

Well this formula is completely wrong. Whoever uses it would certainly never arrive at a correct answer.

Thank you, James... Mrs Angela said as she hanged up.

The next day, even the principal of the school could not pacify her as she threatened to even take legal actions. The math teacher was investigated and was found to be a fraud. He wasn't who he said he was.

Mrs Angela would always sit down with her son and tell him about life, Things she wished that she knew early in life. She told Jide how lucky he was to be learning these things at an early age. When Jide asked about his father, she wasted no time to tell him what kind of failure her husband was, before he disappeared.

Jide never felt at a disadvantage when he was in the midst of other children who had their dads. If anything, he stood towering high above a lot of them. His mother made sure he was never at a disadvantage. To Jide, Mrs Angela was the only father he ever knew. While Jide talked these things over with Jessica, he realized one important lesson...

fatherhood is not maleness, fatherhood is responsibility.

The ability to shoulder responsibilities and make the necessary sacrifice for a child in a very personal and particular way, that is fatherhood. It doesn't matter if it is a woman that fills that position... she is the father of the child.