Romance- A complex theme, so fulfilling.

[took this pic with my phone, you can see the watermark. Phone photography has become one of my fascinating hobbies in recent times]

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I love you, but I love another, just the way I do you.
I don't know how that is possible, to be entrapped by the love of two.
To be drawn on two opposite ends, and still wholly given to both.
I try my best to be normal, loving one alone...
But when I do, I wake up late at night and do nothing but loathe myself.
Who can save me? And deliver me from this cage I have crafted for myself?
When I am asked that all important question,
That could be the key to my freedom...
Do you want to be saved?
I always answer in the negative... with one excuse...
I am beyond salvation.
So I am stuck with myself, in my brooding love for 2 men.
2 men so different, I am gradually splitting my personality being with them both.
From a person with intense love for flowers who would turn the color of rose whenever I received a flower as a present
To a woman so listless about the mundane things of life, and focused on knowledge beyond the shores of the planet.

Romance is one area of life that I am yet to understand. You see this thing called love? I still try to wrap my head around the picture of 2 people in love, doing stupid things. Yeah, that's what "love" makes people do. But at the same time it's so fulfilling, and brings the greatest warmth to be around the person that you love.

OK! I think I am spewing some nonsense. But isn't that what people in love do all the time? Ok... maybe not all the time, but at least, a lot more than people who are single. I have always thought that the concept of romance stems from that fundamental need in all humans to not be alone. That deep yearning in a man/woman who has come of age, to be with another of the opposite sex for the purpose of companionship and procreation.

I have a really crazy story in my head about this love and companionship and procreation thing. It's really crazy. It was on one cool Saturday evening, I was going to work for my evening shift as per usual. And as my custom was, I was carrying my big black bag that had my laptop and some personal effects laptop, in case I got some time to write. Anyways, after I had closed the big giant black gate behind me. I began my journey on the rough road littered with gravel that showed that at one time, someone had thought of making the road good for wheels, but somehow that dream had died and the road still remained filled with canyons dredged by the continuous flow of water looking for the path of least resistance.

Even before I was done closing the gate behind me, I was already hearing the strange but somehow familiar sound of a he-goat with heightened libido. The major he-goat in the area. All the female goats avoided him for his rash personality. He was always rough, but the funny thing was that he was so small, I could swear that the female goat he was chasing today was his mother.

Puuee! Pu!Pu! Puuee!

There he was black all through with a touch of white around his ears, face and his tail. He was running around sniffing the ass of this bigger brown female goat who from time to time would head but him and almost throw him to the ground. I began to watch in total amazement. The he-goat, relentless in his pursuit was already having a massive erection that looked like a long piece of stick that was dipped in ketchup. He was dripping wet. But no matter how hard he tried to do the thing, the female goat consistently was not interested. She just wasn't in the mood and the male goat couldn't understand that.

Maybe it was because she still had children she was breast feeding and needed her care. Or maybe she just was having an emotionally low day that day and did not want to have anything to do with the fiery libido of the he-goat.

Then I thought about how some guys behave exactly like the he-goat. Running after a lady who is clearly not interested in them. They keep pushing and pushing, ignoring all the signs telling them to retreat and with every push, they ruin their chances of ever getting the girl interested in them.

Well, that's not romance. Romance should be between two people, consensual and it should not always be about having sex. I am not sure about that anymore, at least with what I see around me. I see a lot of folks say things like...

Oh! I am only dating for fun.

Or

I am dating him so that I can be ready when my true husband comes.

I don't have a problem with that. But it just makes me wonder, is romance that shallow? Should it be for such flimsy and mundane reasons. I mean, If you truly love a person, isn't that love supposed to make you committed to the person? I don't know! And like I said earlier, I do not understand romance. It is complicated and yet fulfilling for people in different ways.

Oh! the piece that began this write-up was just something that popped into my head. I don't know if it is possible to be truly in love with 2 people at the same time. One may do that with feigned affection. But with the things I see around in the name of romance, anything is possible.