Wild Wild Thoughts

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So in the midst of the whole Christmas frenzy, I had an experience yesterday inside a bus on my way home. There was this dude, sitting beside me. He was a returning exile who most definitely was returning from hustling in one of the major cities. Yes this I knew because he had a box in the trunk of the bus, had other 2 bags with him, wore a multicolored Jean trouser, an undersize white t-shirt with flaps on the sleeves and a multicolored sneaker that did not match his trouser or t-shirt.

In the course of our journey, his phone kept ringing, disturbing the hell out of me. So after the fifth time, I decided to engage him.

"hey boss" I started

"yes? How far?" he replied with a little wry smile. I felt like telling him to close his smelly mouth that I wasn't smiling with him. But then I smiled back and continued

"seems you just returned" I asked

"yes I am....." he started before I interrupted him

"from Bethlehem?" I continued

"No" he replied looking confused

"you know Joseph or Mary?" I persisted

"No?" he answered reluctantly looking even more confused. But I did no care and just continued in my line of questioning.

"Are you related to Bonny M?" I queried

"No.. I'm sorry bro, I don't........" he started

"Then why the fuck are you using a Christmas carol song as your ring tone?" I interrupted again. "we know it's Christmas, but must you remind us with your ring tone and incessant calls? Looking like one of the wise men returning to celebrate his birthday in your village with cheap gifts". At that moment he looked like he was going to either cry or make a mess of a classic during a karaoke session.

Talking about karaoke, when the title for this post came into my head, I'm sorry in advance, but my imaginations went fiery and I started seeing @oldsoulnewb on the stage of a small local karaoke bar, rocking his thong, microphone in hand and giving a rendition of the Riri classic Wild Thoughts. Then stepping into the unsuspecting crowd, giving lap dances and doing pole spins. Such a spectacle!

A bit tipsy and trying to outdo himself, he switches to comedy, dissing individuals in the audience in his thick Scottish accent and expecting the dissed ones to laugh at his jokes, or should I say themselves. And everyone had to forcefully laugh their hearts out, not because he was funny, but because he had his friend the awesome Amir standing by the door with 4-Cs written on his shirt. Laugh or die!

My nephew and niece though are sitting here watching a movie on the TV. I've noticed that whenever there's a kissing or romantic scene in general, they cover their faces with their hands. Lol! Who are they trying to deceive. If they're truly innocent, how then did they know that they're not supposed to be watching those scenes? In my time we used to man up and pay attention, that's why we're so good now.

Please nobody should come at me please, I'm already not having the kind of Christmas I was expecting. Thank you!

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21 comments
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Then why the fuck are you using a Christmas carol song as your ring tone?

This cracked me up big time! 🤣🤣🤣
Now I get why it was so annoying to hear his phone ring and the so damn confusing questions 😂

In my time we used to man up and pay attention, that's why we're so good now

Diikaan, why do you keep proving to us you're mentally unstable huh? 😅😅

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Diikaan, why do you keep proving to us you're mentally unstable huh? 😅😅

I'm taking after the Nigerian power authority 😂😂

Besides how many people even normal for this country

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I tire o
Out of 10, 9.9 aren't normal in this country 🥲

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Exactly

Including you

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🤣🤣🤣
You win! I see what you did there

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😂😂😂
I always win.. That's what I do 💪

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Shift joor 😂

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😂😂😂
Gimme my flowers

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What flowers? 😅

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To show that I won

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🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️
You need a mental check up, I'm so sure of it 😂

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Awwwwn that's the best thing someone has ever said to me on Christmas day 😂 😂 😂

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Little wonder why Amir is at the door and not inside lol
Oldsoul had better crack the best jokes up there

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Amir loves his job at the door. Besides Oldsoul isn't doing much of a good job,

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I really didn't understand ha,ha,ha,ha @diikaan . Maybe I'm too innocent. You should be more tolerant with those wild thoughts ha,ha,ha,ha. Poor guy coming from work ha,ha,ha,ha sincerely every time I want to smile I just have to stop by. merry christmas team!

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Your innocence won't save you 😂😂 and I'm a nice guy also. Merry Christmas

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LOL! That's a very vivid picture you paint! Fairly accurate too, in my younger years, except that I've never worn a thong. Bikini briefs are as far as I go. I'm also not sure why you think I have a thick Scottish accent, but I've been told I can fake one fairly well.

I hope your day after Christmas is better than your Christmas was. Thanks for the laughs my friend!

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Well the accent part was a wild guess and I was cut between Scottish and Irish, and my wild imagination went with Scottish.

It definitely was better than my Christmas, thank you

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Noooooo 😅

There's no justification for using Christmas carol songs as ringing tones. Even if you do at least do not let your phone ring in a bus😅

But dayymm bro😂 you really made that guy feel uncomfortable.

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