Final Girl - [Selected Journal Entries]

09/09/24

Adulting this is...

Adulting is such high maintenance these days. It's already Monday. Things that I have to do have already been delayed. For example, the grocery shopping, I usually do this every Saturday/Sunday just so I have other things to do during weekends. Weekends are also pretty much standard adulting time for most regular people. But then you know - things are changing. Most of my Saturdays/Sundays have now been booked for that much- needed socialization activities. As hard as it may sound, I'm giving more time for other people now. It's not usually my norm. But it's not that bad either. It just takes getting used to. There's this nagging social anxiety every time. The struggle is real.

But then just like my friend said, as illustrated below:

I actually forgot at this time what's supposed to be in the big circle - I'll find out when I get home. All I know is that the big circle is the big and scary open world - full of infinite possibilities. One is rewarded with fulfilling friendships and meaningful connections if he/she is brave enough to navigate it. On the other hand, the comfort zone is a narrow world - nothing much happening there. It is comfortable sure but it can be lonely at times. Being social animals that we are - we do need the open world. To get out there, see what other animals are like. Go on adventures together even.

The ideal scenario is nice but we are forgetting something. The open world is full of obstacles too - unsafe, frightening and overwhelming especially to those who've stayed in their small world for too long. But then it is up to the brave adventurers to figure out how to treat each encounter. Is this a friendly ally or a hostile creature? Tricky it is. But then one won't be rewarded with all those meaningful connections if there's no risk. Fear of risks won't get us anywhere. Fear of humans will keep us trapped in that comfort zone of a small world. Nothing is easy. Good things don't come easy.

And just like in everything else - it just takes practice. Soon enough tho, the world won't be such a scary place anymore...

09/10/24

Final Girl.

Finally. My very first single-player board game. What??? Isn't that sad - a solo boardgame? That was what some random jerk on DC told me. IDC. I need an alternative hobby to PC Games. An immersive activity that will take me to the present moment.

Tbh - I'm not into "Cheap Dopamine" anymore. With this - I still have to make an effort to learn the rules, set it all up, and put it away. The reward is earned and deserved. I can actually touch and collect boardgames - there's real physical interaction in there.

Reading the rulebook and studying the playthrough is actually challenging. I have to take everything into bite-sized pieces. The learning process should be treated as part of the journey too. Just like in anything else - any good thing is not easy. Anything that makes us feel fulfilled and rewarded.

Yesterday I studied the "Action Cards" and today I will just go through the "Planning Phase". Studying the rulebooks of board games should become easier in time and with practice.

I like the idea that I don't need other human beings to start playing board games. The idea that someone "Alpha Gaming" or mansplaining stuff is not at all appealing to me - and would probably just trigger my diabolic tendencies. I left the toxic gaming community a long time ago - it didn't do me any good. The players I encountered are mostly unhinged. My God. Thank God I don't have to deal with them anymore. I can just play in peace and enjoy the present moment.

This time tho - I am the Final Girl. The last one standing in any horror films. I get to save the victims. Or not. I get to fight Hans the killer - this big monster who also exist in real life. At least here, I can channel all my diabolic tendencies to killing these monsters. I'm not the victim anymore. I am the Final Girl.

Edited: Btw Hans is not supposed to have more than 12 hearts!