Image by Sasin Tipchai from Pixabay
You know that feeling when you lend your friend some money, and it all goes downhill from there? When you loan someone money, it can create a sense of obligation and even ownership over the person. The borrower may feel like they owe you not only the money, but also their time, energy, and attention. This can put a strain on the relationship, and if not managed properly, can turn into a toxic friendship.
It's important to be clear about expectations when loaning someone money. Discuss repayment terms upfront and be willing to negotiate if needed. Be understanding if the person is having difficulty repaying the loan, but don't hesitate to ask for updates on when you can expect to be repaid. If communication starts to break down or the borrower becomes emotionally manipulative, it's time to distance yourself from the situation.
It can be difficult to walk away from a friendship that has turned toxic, but it's important to remember that you are not responsible for fixing the other person's problems. You deserve to be treated with respect and kindness, and if that isn't happening, it's time to move on.
The repercussions of giving someone a loan can vary, and not all cases end in disaster. It's important to ensure that you set boundaries and maintain your self-respect throughout the process. If handled properly, loaning someone money can actually strengthen the relationship due to mutual respect and understanding.
I had known "M" for almost a year before she asked to borrow money from me. We were friends from work and had stayed in touch after we all went separate ways. She was always the life of the party and always seemed to be doing well financially. So, when she asked to borrow 500 euro from me, I didn't hesitate to say yes.
It wasn't until later that I realized that "M" was in serious financial trouble. She wasn't able to repay the loan within the agreed upon time frame and ended up defaulting on the loan. I continued to lend her money over the next few months. I rationalized my decision by telling myself that she was going through a tough time and that she would eventually be able to repay the debt. It quickly became clear that "M" was not going to be able to repay the debt. She made excuses for why she couldn't make payments and started avoiding me altogether.
She contacted me recently asking to hang out again. I'm of the belief that one should forgive. She had this unique way of perceiving the universe, she could find beauty in even the minutest object or situation, which made our conversations about more than just TikTok or what's trending on social media - we discussed history, art and philosophy. Little did I know that her real intention was to ask me for money once more. This time I was honest with her, explaining that at thirty-nine it is high time for her to take responsibility and learn how to make right decisions in life in order to get ahead. No amount of financial aid would help if she wasn't willing to change her lifestyle (drug and alcohol addiction). I eventually had to cut ties with her completely. It was a painful experience, but one that taught me a lot about friendship and money.
Let our children not grow up in a terrible world. Together we can make it better. It is our destiny to
suffer from the past, to long for the future, but to forget the present.
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I'm sorry to hear about the difficulty with the repayment of the loan you made. Lending money to someone can be an act of generosity and support, but it also comes with risks and responsibilities. In situations like these, it is important to learn from the experience and take steps to protect your own interests.
It is, but at the same time, it shouldn't change you. A lot of people need help, you just have to know that sometimes they can use you.
Indeed... You're not responsible for fixing anybody. Some people feel a sense of entitlement when it comes to your money, just because you both are friends. Some will even guilt trip you, making you feel like asking for your own money is a terrible thing.
It's best to just leave them alone!
Thank you for sharing this with us.
Unfortunately I am like that, always wanting to help a friend. Or help them open their eyes.
Sorry for the late reply, been sick the last few days.