Please use me like your personal sex doll

Hola Ladies,

I wrote this months ago for Contest # 158 but did not have any coins to post. It is important for me to share though.

I feel here in privacy I can share this story with. Hopefully you without getting judged.

Like probably all of us I can not remember much of my childhood but there are some things I remember many details about and will probably never forget.

When I started going in to the kindergarden and finally met many other children there was one who looked totally different than all others. Never before have I seen such a beautiful chocolate colored skin and immediately felt something that for me at that age was pure love. I felt like spending the rest of our lives together and told my parents very proud that I found the love of my life and my future partner in the evening at our nice wooden dinner table.

Foto von Nishant Aneja

“Did you talk or play together?” My mother asked a little shy that she usually never was in front of me.

“Nooooo, mum”, I said. I did not know what to say and just realized I probably just starred at my love all day. At that age I did not feel any shame for it.

Dad was also super happy and said.
"I knew you would not need to search for long. So tell us who it was: The blue eyed shining star or the one with the curly hair, the red hair seemed to be very funny. But stay aware from the nigger child. If you are in the same room with them you will get the deadly Malaria virus.
“What is a nigger, dad and what is Malaria virus?”

He told me a horrible story that all brown and black skinned people come from Africa and carry a deadly virus. They are also stupid and I have to avoid them at any time in my life.

Foto von R A

“So who is your spouse?” Mom asked curiously.
I was totally shocked and scared, also not hungry any more so I asked if I may go to bed and went in my room to cry all night into my plush rabbit but very silently that they think I would be sleeping. The love of my life is infected by a deadly virus and stupid…
I wouldn´t want to believe that but my parents just told me.

When I was old enough for school I fell in love with another so called nigger child and still had to suppress my feelings but I was still a child and actually had many other new friends to distract myself with and did not care much about the other gender anyway.

A few years later something totally changed. I remember watching the Olympic games with my father and this was the first time I saw a strong African athlete full of sweat and all of the giant pulsating veines and muscles all over the body after the competition. First, second, third and fourth place were won by enormous African men from countries I had never heard of before. They had totally different hair and not only did they rule this and many other disciplines but most of the white guys looked like boys next to them.

Close up to the 3 winners and I realize something. “Uuh” I say shocked and my daddy asked if I peed in my pants again. “Go, use the toilet fast.” He said. I followed and run as he was shouting a little. In the bathroom I realized that I did not pee but all my underwear was wet with something different that has never been there before. I thought I did not clean myself properly and have some infection so I took an intense hot shower.

A few days later my parents took me to the psychiatrist for peeing in my pants at a higher age. This caused a trauma that lasts until today as I felt too ashamed to tell the truth and didn´t do it until today. So I had to pretend I had peed for several months of therapy.

When I got older I realized that every time I see a black man I felt like this again and later found out what it was. I wanted these strong man to grab me, to hold me, to take me with them and some day even wanted to be used, I wanted to be raped by a strong African athlete who has such a big penis that I will get pregnant immediately and scream fulfilled with pleasure like the women in the censored tv ads that run at night. (Nowadays yung children already wathc porn on their mobile in school.)
As you may imagine I was still a little too young for our society to have sex, but my body was ready for it.
So I had to get used to this cravings by learning how to touch myself. Our multi-functional massage shower head helped me a lot with it.

The years passed on and all media seemed to have a similar opinion like my daddy. Africans have deadly viruses like HIV, Malaria, "AIDS", sexual transmittable disease, women are beaten, raped and have no rights there, they are all dirty, poor, criminal and stupid so better avoid them. And it seemed common that many African men cut the vaginas of their women and keep them closed with a needle and tie until they want to use them. A documentary about that was shown to us in school much too early. Which woman would want to end up like this no matter of her fantasies. Definitely not me!

Many many years later after I moved out of my parents house and it was normal to meet different colors and races in our big city I met my first brown and black male partners. Of course I never told my parents and never introduced them. I asked all of my partners to use me like a sex doll or a porn star, to rape me but none of them wanted to do it. All colored men treated me like a queen and have been the most handsome men I ever met. Those guys who liked to rape are rich white men. My father kept touching me until I was a teenager and until I told him I had the feeling it would be kind of sexual. My uncle tried to have sex with me when we were alone and his wife at work.

In my 20s I met several white privileged men who all try to buy you, make you drunk or even give you drugs to then use you like you would belong them. But not like in my fantasies with respect and trust but with violence and brutality as if women were just big pieces of meat they bought from the market.

No after I got drugged and raped by probably several men in a row the first time I was happy I survived at first but kept meeting them because although I could not remember what they did to me that was the closest I ever got to my lifetime sex fantasies and I had sex regularly with successful attractive men which I thought made me feel worth more these days.

Foto von cottonbro studio

Yes, better read that again or let me explain more details and be sure this is all true. There was a group of young attractive well situation white guys who I often joined in to the VIP area of one of the best clubs in town “Adagio” who regularly drugged and raped me. I would have wished I told them not to give me the drugs so I will remember the details as I wanted to be used but I never spoke it out. I was not the first, not the last and also not the only one at that time. Sometimes we have been about 15-20 people in total. Sometimes there have been famous Hollywood actors, football players, musicians on the tables next to us doing the same thing. It has always been more men than women in our group of mostly locals. I never had much alcohol like some other girls who often were taken down under the DJ table where a little "VIP bedroom" was. There you could directly see the dancefloor and have sex in front of the people dancing while they just saw a mirror and not you. Of course the insulation was great and combined with the music a chainsaw massacre could have happened in there and nobody would hear a tone on the dancefloor when the door was closed. Not even the DJ.

I have just been in this room one time for a few minutes. There was a very bad energy inside and I did not feel safe or comfortable in there. Other women went in and some of them were carried out by several security guards. If somebody asked they were “asleep” or “too drunk”. Some have obviously been knocked out with drugs or maybe all of them. Nobody knows, nobody wanted to know so nobody asked and nobody complained. I brought some of my friends there, too. Later I found out that my female friends also had black men rape fantasies, but only white sex partner. Their stories have been a little different but the result was the same. We have all been scared of coloured men. We all wanted to get raped and were scared to get raped at the same time when we met a man with colour. Most of us never talked to one of these men we were attracted to and married a boring white boy just like our father. We keep up the tradition of an unhappy marriage and partner up with somebody who could be our sibling or cousin.

Foto von ALTEREDSNAPS

After a few weeks I got bored of this disco or the guys or the small penises or whatever. Anyway I thought if this is happening here this probably is happening in other places too so I went on a journey to discover much more and of course found it. There is a reason why they call it “the city that never sleeps” although I slept a lot after getting drugged and sometimes taking drugs by myself and long nights of meaningless bad exhausting sex. It felt better at that time than it sounds today but today I know my self love and self worth was at the bottom these days.

Did you know there are websites to find sugar daddies? Yes old men who pay young girls for pics, to spend time or have sex. I met 5 guys within 3 days and all have been absolutely disgusting obese old men. I wouldn´t recommend that.

These experiences luckily did not kill me but made me grow. I spoke to many women and all my future partners about it. Most women, my mother, my best friends, really most women I know have the same unfulfilled fantasies about colored men and did not even try anything their whole lifetime and will never do. They took the first save partner and never had good sex in their life so they stopped at the age of 40-50 or minimized their sexual activities. I think most people have no idea about the pleasure of a sex marathon over several hours or even a whole weekend. How should they? Most people are neither in the physical nor in the mental condition of being healthy, clean, green, lean and feeling yourself and your partner. Maybe it will become a discipline at the Olympic games some day if we humans make more love and stop the wars finally.

Foto von Yan Krukau

I hope that more people accept intelligent, strong, healthy, sporty, hairy, beardy, honest, masculine, caring, polite, colored men as our leaders. They are not less but maybe more intelligent, they are not less but maybe more healthy and definitely can we see that the genes are different and will lead to the most cutieful babies you can imagine who will develop our world and praise mother nature.

Once you go black, you never go back!!!
Try yourself, trust me...

I love you earthling