SHOT CALLER. #166

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This year has been a topsy, turvy, roller coaster of emotions year for me. I've had to unlearn and relearn many things. That being said, 2023 is my best year yet. I've had happier moments in previous years, and I've felt more at ease in past years than in 2023. It's the year that stood out among all my time on earth.

What makes 2023 stand out though as I'm going to point out as the lesson learned is the year where for the first time in my entire adult life, I've been independent. I didn't need to seek anyone's opinion because I knew I was the only one that could come through for me.

It's nice to have family and friends around and it's a big deal, but it's advisable to have some measure of privacy, keep some things to yourself, make decisions, and know that you are not accountable to anyone. I don't mean making irresponsible decisions, but decisions that you ought to take as an adult for you and yours.

All my life, I've been surrounded by family because I'm not big on friends. We tell ourselves everything and I don't make a single decision without consulting my partner to seek his opinion and ultimately his approval (that's how culture dictates we do it down here, lol). I didn't have a mind of my own, I needed to ask the people around me if it was okay to do a certain thing and get a sign-off from my partner too.

Don't read me wrong, it's okay to have listening ears that would chip in good advice now and then, but you need to be able to function without.

Aside from the fact that no one can be trusted all the way, everyone has their problems and challenging encounters. I turned to people this year for help financially, and of course, everyone has bills to pay and nothing to spare. I turned to people still for advice and everyone was busy fixing their life problems and didn't have the time to analyze another person's own.

Even if the above factors weren't in play, some people give advice based on their own opinion, a grudge, an ill feeling or a bad experience, for instance, you could have a misunderstanding with your spouse and all your friends have to say about him are nasty things because she already dislikes him which will, in turn,n influence your decision on how to respond to him. It's best to think for yourself, make your decisions and own them.

Some people are just plain bitter too, they don't want to see you win, and the moment you start seeking their advice on the next big step you intend to take, they'll discourage you. If you fail, it's your wounds to lick and it's not going to be the talk of the town. You celebrate your wins and restrategize on your losses. It's okay to listen to advice here and there, it helps but the end decision should lie with you and you alone.

I've learned to be independent, financially, and in every other aspect. An incident happened to me last year and disappeared, but I picked up and moved on. Someone close to me had a similar predicament and she was frustrated and depressed. In a bid to console her, I shared my experience with her to show her that it's best to move on. Imagine my surprise when she told everyone around what I told her in confidence, word for word. I have since applied my mantra which is, "Let them know you, but let only you know you.

Friends have been known to spill each other's secrets after they quarrel, which is another reason to keep your secrets locked inside you.

The most important thing I've learned this year is to be independent, everyone messes up at some point. Your friend today just might be your enemy tomorrow. Once you have all your stuff on lockdown, you won't be disappointed when people act up.

I'm entering the new year armed with a thorough lesson in independence. I'm determined more than ever to stay on my own lane, do my own thing, and make some moves but not be cold to people while at it. I'm a one woman army, I'm going to line my target and smash my goals.

Happy New year, people. May it be our best one yet