I'M NOT SURE HOW I FEEL.

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I do not know how to struggle or fight over something, especially not in public.
Even if it is rightfully mine.
I just shrug and let go.
Same way I don't know how to yell or argue.

It's repelling for me plus am a nervous wreck.
I dislike attention. More so, negative attention.
I just feel like there's no need to hurry.
You'll get whatever you're after, or not.

Earlier today, at around 4pm,I visited the ATM for withdrawal.
There were quite a number of people.
The auditorium was quite full.
I opted to stand outside as I disliked crowd too.
It would take a while to get to my turn, so why hurry?

I took a mental note of everyone present as I didn't want to bother myself asking who the last person on the queue was.
An elderly man came after me and walked into the booth.
Apparently, he knew someone in there, and they just got talking.
2/3 machines were paying.
Many people were leaving as there were coming...a saturation kind of thing.

The people before me thinned down.
One of the few dispensing machines stopped working.
When it got to my turn, a man supposedly in his 40's walked to the machine same time as me.
Before then, the elderly man withdrew and I let him because well, he's an older man.

The man confronted me about being in line before him. But, I disagreed.
One person backed up my claim, the remaining others backed up his.
I could have just let him go first but I didn't. I don't know why.
Next an argument ensued.
It wasn't heated.
Just something in-between.

I wasn't prepared to let someone bully me into giving up my place.
Not when I just resumed working on my confidence.
No! Definitely not today!
He gave up finally.
I did my thing amidst trembling hands.

Infact, I was jittery.
Close to tears; I'm sure they didn't see it tho.
I tried to steady my hands and self.
I don't know if anyone noticed and I don't think so.
I finished, kept a straight face and left.

On my way, all I could think of was;
I did it!
Negative-positive attention but, I did it.
I stood up for myself.
I spoke for me.
I didn't cower like I always did.
I looked everyone in the face without flinching.

The A-game is up.
Devoid of sentiment and abuse.
I somehow do not know how to put this particular feeling to words.

Initially, I was not even overthinking it nor beating myself up.
I was just there.
Now? I don't know if I did right.
Maybe I should not have engaged the man.
Maybe I should have let him go first. Take my place.
I just don't know anymore.

Although I feel like something changed.
I don't know why I am pleased about that something.
I don't know what I am feeling.
I don't