RE: That girl on the old blue bicycle - Day 1454: 5 Minute Freewrite
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Ohhhh how sad to have that spunk, and to have a husband who suppresses it. (Make that past tense.)
I try not to get too public about my sister, sharing personals, but she had that kind of husband. "Less than Zero" in terms of emotional support AND physical (doing chores) support. Oh the details I have not shared. Women have a kind of sisterhood that requires some outrage, some SPUNK, on behalf of other women suffering what you did, but you probably can affirm that the husbands are masters at isolating their wives and alienating their friends, so the wife has no remaining support group, and add to that the undermining of self esteem, the sense of deserving no better - HOW did you break free - no need to answer that here (and you probably already did in Steemit posts way back when). I'm so glad you've made that break, so sorry you suffered for 20 years. And thank you for all the kind words! You're a rare reader, if you can like my unorthodox (discursvie) writing style. Bless you!! Thank you!
Oh, the history and the truth of it all but its root is self punishment for something I didn't do to myself. Young children have no idea how to process events that scar them emotionally so it seems that instinctively we believe we are not worthy of love. If a controller comes along to take advantage that feels normal. I waded through my own psyche for decades raising kids without the benefit of psychotherapy, and I was was blessed to meet the Savior at 19. Eventually He brought to the surface a dream triggered by a family crisis. The shock was just like they portray in books. Suppressed memories resurfaced at age 30ish and I became aware of what I was allowing and forgave myself for that which I didn't know.
We do have a sisterhood, funny how that is. God is great. ❤
You could write the book, for sure - with the happy ending of meeting the Savior, but that was age 19, and it seems another 20 or so years passed before you broke those chains of childhood abuse and those who exploit the vulnerable in their adult stages. I think of this bruised caterpillar morping butterfly wings without ever really taking FLIGHT because the bruises somehow keep holding it back. But what do I know. I still get "triggered" by trivial things, like two sisters disputing my definition of "a month ago today." Is a month four weeks, or is matching dates on a calendar (e.g., Sept. 13 - Oct. 13, which is more than 28 days). WHY. Why. Why does my brain fixate on the feeling of being REBUKED, incorrectly, for a harmless comment.... clearly, the two sisters disputing what a "month" is triggered something, and I don't even feel like peeling the layers of that onion. To feel offended by the way they say something is MY problem. I own it.
But you mention the resurfacing of suppressed memories, and the shocks and revelations that come with it, and I know there really is something to unpack. Just.... NOT TODAY. Today, I want to hang onto the conviction that "we do have a sisterhood" and "God is great." Thanks @wandrnrose7!
I wish I could meet up with you and have a cup or two of coffee or tea 🍵 . Much ❤!!
Wouldn't that be fun!
Here's to an afternoon tea (or coffee) in spirit, at least!
Much ❤ to you too!!
Yes ma'am ❤ who knows what God can arrange 😉