Y así amigos lectores me ha pasado muchas veces, me da insomnio, me entristezco, me desenfoco, no concreto otras metas. Me embarga la duda, la incertidumbre, la culpa. Pero aquí sigo, buscando la paz dentro de mí y viviendo sí, en mi país. Pero realmente los extraño muchísimo a todos.
Me encantaría leer sus comentarios y opiniones al respecto. Hasta aquí llega mi artículo. Gracias por leer. Los espero en una próxima ocasión. Las fotos pertenecen a mi galería personal.
ENGLISH VERSION
SHOULD I FEEL GUILTY TO STAY IN MY COUNTRY?
Receive a cordial greeting friends of Hive, and in the Catarsis community. Today I am here expressing a feeling of guilt that I have had for approximately 3 years and which has increased for a year. I'll tell you why.
5 years ago my 2 brothers, each with their family, decided to migrate to the neighboring South American country of Argentina. At that time my family and I were in an economic crisis from which at first we could not find a way out, including my parents. From there they provided us with their financial support for a long time until we were able to stay afloat here, however they continued to send money to my parents, a desire to contribute to them even if they did not need it urgently.
The dilemma of us began, shall we leave too? We have our own house, we have a stroller, now we have another income, do we really need to leave? We were also affected by nostalgia, melancholy, on special and family occasions, the desire to be together, the joy of being together, playing, going out, sharing life.
Then in the dilemma, the pandemic arrived and the decision to leave did not materialize. And while we stay we are much better, we continue to move forward and from time to time I ask myself: Finally, are we leaving or are we staying?, but with a feeling of guilt. I feel bad for not being fighting with them, for not being looking for a better future for my children outside of Venezuela (what many think now, that there is no future here), for not being getting to know, walking, leaving my comfort zone to start from scratch. How guilty I feel sometimes!
With the help of my brothers, my parents managed to leave the country and join them. While there, both of them have been affected by their health. And the guilt attacks me again, why do I stay here? I should have gone with them! If something happens to them and I'm not there, I'm going to die of heartbreak! The feeling of uncertainty is horrible, really. Should I feel guilty? What do I do with this guilt? How do I free myself from this feeling?
When I hear the thousands of stories from migrants who have not made it, who have returned, who have died, who have been separated from their families, who have been humiliated, who are indigent, it makes me even more afraid. I also read and listen to other Venezuelans who feel that they did the right thing, that they are better than those of us who stayed, that we are cowards, it makes me angry but I am plagued by doubt: Could it be that they are right?
And this, my reader friends, has happened to me many times, it gives me insomnia, I get sad, I lose focus, I don't specify other goals. I am overcome by doubt, uncertainty, guilt. But here I am, looking for peace within myself and living, yes, in my country. But I really miss all of them so much.
I would love to read your comments and opinions on this. This is where my article ends. Thank you for reading. I hope to see you next time. Photos belong to my personal gallery.
