RE: Kyjiv Is a Sister City of Tampere
You are viewing a single comment's thread:
I just started a new company and we specialize in breaking people's devices and deleting all of their social media accounts. Our services aren't cheap but we guarantee that doomscrolling will no longer be possible when we're finished. If you're interested I can probably offer you a pretty good discount. !PIZZA
0
0
0.000
Sounds awesome. Will you also cut of hands if I try to buy new devices? Or break kneecaps so that I can't walk to a store and ask people there to doomscroll for me?
I will think about that. And perhaps learn to crawl using my eyelids.
We generally stay away from doing physical violence to people but what might work in your case is we could just burn down all the stores near you that sell devices and also cut off all supply/delivery chains. We could also lock you in your house and keep you under 24/7 surveillance so you can't leave and accidentally get exposed to secondary doomscrolling, but that costs extra.
Sounds nice although I am already under 24/7 surveillance since I have cats. And they also sometimes do a lot in interrupting my doomscrolling because I don't notice them enough. But I will definitely keep you and your awesome company in mind.