Mistakes

The other day I stumbled across an interesting new study published in the journal Daily Scientific Convictions where researchers gathered data from a representative sample of Americans and concluded with a margin of error of merely 0.45% that it would be a mistake to say it’s not a mistake to make the same mistake over and over again. Naturally, as a firm believer in science and a staunch disliker of mistake-making, I immediately accepted their research findings as fact and have been taking great pains to avoid making the mistake of saying making the same mistake over and over again isn't a mistake. I figure if I’m successful in failing to say something that science has clearly shown to be mistaken then logically it follows that I simply can’t fail to succeed at not making that mistake. Of course, success normally requires a bit of effort; one does not simply not say something mistaken without putting in some work to that end in advance. To expect otherwise would be, appropriately enough, a rather silly mistake and a failure just waiting to succeed. Therefore, I will now spend some time practicing not making the mistake of saying it’s not a mistake to make the same mistake over and over again. Lo:

I’ve decided to pitch my tent right here in the same spot I pitched it last time even though I fully understand that this location is exposed to high winds on a regular basis and there’s a reasonably decent chance that this shabby old pile of poles and fabric will attempt to rip itself apart in the storm tonight while I’m trying to sleep in it just like it attempted to last time I camped here in a storm. This is not a mistake.

Well shit. Now here already you can see why practice is so important. Looks like I walked right into that mistake even though I had some of the best scientific minds on my side and clearly should have seen the mistake coming from a hundred yards away in the dark. Well, such is life, I won't let this failure to fail to say something mistaken get me too far down in the dumps. Behold, I try again:

I've purchased this six-pack of Eddyline Crank Yanker IPA tallboys to keep me company as I drive out of town and into the middle of nowhere looking for a suitable campsite to spend the night at even though I know all six will probably be empty by the time I finally give up on finding anything anywhere remotely close to the level of perfection I require for campsites and pass out in the driver seat in some lonely godforsaken gravel turnout I won't recognize when I wake up in the morning. This is not a mistake.

Dagnabbit would you look at that I've done gone and mistaked all over the place again. It's a lot easier to screw this up than I thought. I guess I'll just have to keep practicing. Watch and weep now:

I've determined once again after much careful thought and consideration that instead of saying something witty and intelligent to the cute barista I see at the coffee shop every day I will instead blurt out something extremely strange and potentially insulting like I always accidentally do even though I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is not a recommended method for reliably obtaining a cute girl's phone number. This is not a mistake.

Alright now we're talking. I think I pretty much nailed not making a mistake with that last one. After all you can only fail to succeed so many times before you successfully fail to fail, especially if you're a determined hardworking American who firmly believes in science and not making mistakes like I am and do. Now's probably a good time to wrap up this blog and go have a few beers while driving up to the highest, windiest point I can find to pitch my tent. I should probably also take a shower at some point in the near future and shave off all of my facial hair except for the mustache because if I'm not mistaken I'm pretty sure I've got a really hot date this weekend. Lo and behold, watch and weep.